


Go Back to Sleep

by PerfectPurgatory



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Author is also bad at chapter titles, Author loves to chat in the Comments, Dreamsharing, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), He's after her and he definitely lets her know that, I'm Bad At Summaries, Mentally ill!Kylo, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Snoke is also after her and it annoys Kylo to no end, abusive relationships between Snoke and Kylo Ren, very bad, very slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 52,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerfectPurgatory/pseuds/PerfectPurgatory
Summary: “And you’re sure it was Kylo Ren?”This question gave her pause. How was it she knew who it was so easily? She never saw a face, never heard his voice. But his anger is what gave him away. Through all the pain, there was unadulterated anger pulsing through his veins. It poisoned the air around him. It was the same feeling she felt during their fight at Starkiller, the same anger she felt when she entered into his mind after he got into hers.“Yes. I’m sure.”





	1. Everyone is Confused

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! This is my first attempt at a full-length fic, so bare with me. This has been a lot of fun to make, and I'm currently still working on the outline for this story, but I couldn't wait any longer to post the first couple of chapters. Chapter 2 is on its way! I hope you enjoy this enough to stick around for it.

It was about a month after Starkiller Base was destroyed. Rey had brought Luke home to the Resistance and she was to begin her training in the morning. It was when she first got up that pain erupted from her head. It felt as if her brain was being set on fire. Screaming, she tried to get up to call for help, but the pain consumed her.

Poe was down the hallway, talking to Admiral Statura, when he heard her. He rushed into the room and, finding Rey on the floor with her head in her hands, he rushed to her side. It took him a second of looking at her to determine that she had no visible lacerations and he scooped her up and took her to the medbay. She screamed the entire time they examined her. Finding nothing, they immediately called Luke.

“You’re a Jedi. You can heal her, can’t you?” Finn was frantic.

“I can try, but there are no visible signs of physical ailment. I can heal physical wounds, not mental ones.” Luke was looking at her through the medbay glass wall. She was still clutching her head. It had been an hour already, and she hadn’t gotten any better.

“What’re you saying, Luke?” At hearing the news, General Organa immediately came down to see what was going on.

“I’m saying that I think whatever is hurting her is out of our hands.” He looked somber.

“What can we do, then?” Finn was looking, heartbroken, at his friend in pain.

“We can wait and hope.” Luke went into the medbay to talk to the medical droid.

As he was talking to it, the screaming suddenly stopped. “Rey?” When she didn’t respond, Luke panicked. “Rey!” Still no reaction. He put his hand on both her temples and closed his eyes. “She’s still alive. She’ll be alright.”

“Sir, she is in a coma. We do not know why,” said the med droid.

“Like I said.” He turned to Finn. “We wait and hope.”

              After a week in a coma, the doctors had no idea what to do. Finn and Poe visited her every day. After two weeks, they had started to lose hope. Without knowing what was happening to her, they couldn’t help her. They did scan after scan to no avail. Medically, there was nothing wrong with her.

              After three weeks, she shot up out of the cot, eyes bloodshot, heart pumping. The heart monitor was sporadically beeping and Finn had to put his hands on both of her shoulders to prevent her from bolting.

              “I saw him! Finn, I saw him!” Her eyes were darting around the room and she was shaking.

              “Saw who?” Poe had one hand on the bed and one hand on his communicator, ready to call the General. She had been in a meeting and couldn’t be there for her awakening, but if Rey was about to say something important, then the General would need to be called right away.

              “Kylo Ren.” She took a big gulp of air. “I saw Kylo Ren.”

\--

              The medbay was cleared out except for General Organa, Master Luke, and Rey, something which Rey was very thankful for. She was still shaken and the meds the doctor had given her to calm her nerves weren’t working very well.

              “Tell me what you mean by you ‘saw him,’ Rey.” General Organa had on the face of a politician, but her voice had mother written all over it. She couldn’t help it, Rey supposed. Not when it came to Kylo Ren, of all people.

              “The pain. It was his, it wasn’t mine. When I was…asleep, I could feel him. He was in pain.” She shuddered and her voice cracked. Tears filled her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. “What is this?” She was clearly terrified.

              “I’m not sure, Rey, but we’ll figure this out. Could you tell where he was?” General Organa exchanged a look with Master Luke. Rey only shook her head.

              “It was only a feeling. And it was all in my head.” She took in a ragged breath before continuing. “There was nothing specific besides the pain.”

              “And you’re sure it was Kylo Ren?”

              This question gave her pause. How was it she knew who it was so easily? She never saw a face, never heard his voice. But his anger is what gave him away. Through all the pain, there was unadulterated anger pulsing through his veins. It poisoned the air around him. It was the same feeling she felt during their fight at Starkiller, the same anger she felt when she entered into his mind after he got into hers.

              “Yes. I’m sure.”

              “I’ve only heard about this once before. An old story in a holo I found in a temple I went through.” Luke had been silent the entire time until now. He just kept stroking his beard and looking absentmindedly at Rey. “It’s called a force bond.”

              All fear left Rey, and in its place, rage took over. “You’re saying I’m _bonded_ to him? But he’s…” She stopped herself before she could let out the word. She wasn’t sure how the general would react.

              “It’s just a theory.” Luke raised his hands in defense. “But it explains a lot. It’s in its early stages and it will only get stronger. You can feel him, Rey. You’re connected to him. That’s not insignificant.” He sighed and let his hands down to his side. “It’s generally a bond formed in between master and padawan, but other such bonds exist, only rarely happening.”    

Rey mulls over his words. Master and padawan? _You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force._ His words sent a chill up her spine.

“For now, get some rest. We’ll deal with this as it comes along.” Luke’s voice cut through her thoughts.

              Master Luke and General Organa left Rey in the medbay and she drifted to sleep shortly afterwards. She would talk to Finn and Poe tomorrow. First, she needed rest.

\--

He had no idea how much time had passed. His master was punishing him for his transgressions at Starkiller. He was being subjected to the same torture that he had been after all his previous failures. If he failed a mission, if he failed his master through weakness, he was punished. And oh, was he punished thoroughly. This was also, consequently, a way that he trained. To endure.

The Supreme Leader had allowed Kylo’s battle scars to heal before he started his punishment. A mercy he was both confused by and thankful for. In a way, he felt like the reason was so he could wallow in his own misery and guilt.

His master, who had dug his way into Kylo’s brain after years and years of mental communication, had tortured him the only way he knew how: mentally. The Supreme Leader would rifle through his memories, find his most cherished ones, and violently twist them into something they were not. The hope was that Kylo would associate the happy memories with pain and thus not go to them for comfort. Finding happiness through others was weakness, and if Kylo didn’t know that before, he knew it now. The way his master was going through his mind, he could have sworn that there was a literal fire in his brain. It was the most painful it had ever been, yet it appeared, for some reason, that the pain was muted.

              Immediately after the Supreme Leader’s first interaction with his mind, Kylo felt something. It felt like there was a second Supreme Leader in his head, but the second presence felt more gentle. More like a cool breeze instead of a hurricane. It was much to his surprise that he discovered it was easing his pain. He felt calmer than he had in previous torture sessions. But each time the presence in the back of his mind would take away some of his pain, Snoke would sense it and double his efforts. It didn’t take long for Kylo to slip into an angry meditative state. It helped him focus, helped him purge the pain. But still, that little presence in the back of his head kept him calm and steady. Like an anchor. He never once screamed out, knowing it would just make matters worse. Instead, he just held onto that anchor and let himself go through his anger. Letting it flow through him and consume him, he felt his powers surging.

Kylo had endured before, and he would endure now. After three weeks of non-stop torture, his master had finally released him. He had atoned for his sins at Starkiller and was now ordered to finish his training, as was expected.

              He had barely gotten back into his quarters when he felt the familiar pull of sleep, calling him to bed. He didn’t even bother taking off his training attire. Before that, however, he needed to have a word with his second most prized possession.

              Walking into the tiny room in the back of his quarters, he sat on the small chair placed in front of the pedestal.

              “Han Solo is dead. He meant nothing to me in life and means nothing to me in death.”

              The room he’s in now is impervious to Snoke’s mind control. It’s the only place in the entire galaxy that Snoke allows Kylo to have his autonomy. He does not reach out to Kylo when he’s talking to his Grandfather’s melted helmet, for which Kylo is ever grateful. Still, he feels afraid.

              “Forgive me. I was weak and foolish. I thought that through killing Han Solo, I would become stronger. That I would become greater and more powerful. But I was wrong. It’s only caused me great pain and confusion.” Kylo averts his eyes from the helmet, ashamed of what he’s talking about.

              “The girl. The scavenger. She defeated me. I was weak. I know I should be angry, I know I should want revenge, but I don’t. What I want is her. I want to teach her. Grandfather, she is the other half of me. I don’t know how, but I felt it. She has a destiny by my side and I shall see to it that she fulfills that destiny.” He clenches his fists and rests it on his knee. “When I find her, I will be stronger. I will be more powerful. I will not let you down.”

              Satisfied, he walked back into his room and sat on the edge of the bed. What did he really think about the scavenger girl from Jakku? He wouldn’t allow himself to think about it now. The pull of sleep overtook him and he drifted off soon after.

              When he dreamed, it was always more like a nightmare. They were usually just memories from his past. And they were all his worst ones. His father leaving him on the planet. Again. His mother’s holo telling him she wouldn’t be able to make it to see him that week. He hated when he dreamed about them. It was weakness. And weaknesses like that weren’t easily forgivable in the eyes of the Supreme Leader. He always tended to know when he had dreams about his parents, and it had unnerved him the first few times, but now he was used to the hollow his master had carved out for himself in his mind. He always preferred to dream of the battlefield, of being tortured, of being in pain. Those were dreams he could deal with. They were tangible. They were real, and he knew how to handle them. Dreaming of memories long past was just unneeded. His future was ahead of him, and he had no need to look to the past. Still, he found himself sometimes longing for the family he left behind. On those days, he endured the worst from his master.

              This time, however, he dreamed he was on an island. It was familiar, somehow, and he couldn’t quite place it. He had never dreamed of anything like this before, and it had been years since he visited an aquatic planet. It was peaceful. A calm swept over him that he hadn’t felt in years.

              “What are _you_ doing here?” The familiar voice coming from behind him immediately brought his heart to his throat. He turned around. He wasn’t expecting her to be here, but he certainly wasn’t surprised to hear anger in her voice. He also sensed something else. Fear? He looked down to see that she had no lightsaber and he instinctively reached for his own to no avail. He supposed hers would be activated by now had she had it.

              “I would ask you the same thing,” he paused for dramatic effect. “ _Scavenger._ ” He nearly hissed the word. He couldn’t say he wasn’t pleased to see her without lying, but he wasn’t going to let her see that.

              “This is _my_ dream and I don’t want you here!” she stuck her chin out defiantly, as if ready for a fight. Kylo wished he had his lightsaber. Disappointed, he started walking towards her until he was nearly standing over her. He supposed this was intimidating, but Rey showed no signs of communicating that it was.

              “ _Your_ dream? This is _my_ dream.”

              “No.” She was getting even angrier. “Look around. You’ve seen this island before.” Then, it clicked, and recognition filled Kylo’s face. “Remember now?” She scoffed. She was clearly ready to pounce.

              Kylo was genuinely confused. If this was her dream, how was he here? He cocked his head to the side, curious. “Then why am I here, scavenger?”

              She looked briefly to the ground. “I don’t know.” Her voice was smaller and less angry, an indication that she really didn’t know. “But I have an idea. Oy, will you just back up a few steps? You’re too close.” It was true. He was alarmingly close to her. He did as she asked, with his hands in the air.

              She was now obviously staring at the scar that she had left. It perfectly dissected his face. “What do you mean, you have an idea?” He looked her up and down. “Explain.” She hesitated. She looked like she was debating whether to lie, and Kylo didn’t like it. He narrowed his eyes at her when she didn’t answer right away. He was becoming impatient. “Well?”

              “I saw you,” she finally managed.

              “What do you mean, you s _aw me_?” She only shook her head.

              “I _mean_ , I saw you in pain.” It looked like she was going to throw up. She looked sick. “Well, I felt you, more like it.”

              She didn’t say anything else. “What aren’t you telling me?”

              “I...” She still looked ill. “I was in pain too.”

              None of this was possible. “I don’t believe you. You have no idea what I go through.” He wished he had his helmet. It gave him privacy. After dealing with her on Starkiller, he didn’t want her to be able to see what he was thinking so plainly on his face. He wondered why, if this was a dream, he didn’t have it. But, then again, he would have his lightsaber, too, if he could have his helmet.

              “Why would I lie about something like this?” She looked confused and a little offended.

              “I don’t know, s _cavenger_. But I’m not stupid.”

              “Fine! Don’t believe me.” She started walking away, towards the opposite side of the island.

              “Where are you going?” Kylo was a little agitated that she would just walk away from him.

              “Away from you. Just stay there until one of us wakes up.”

              He couldn’t really argue with that. They were sworn enemies. Regardless of what was happening, they would remain as such. It was better if they kept their distances. Not wanting to give her any room to try anything, Kylo just stood there, at full attention. He didn’t give himself any time to breathe in the peaceful air around him. That’s where she left him and that’s where he was standing when it all faded to black and she woke up, leaving him alone once again.


	2. Rey Begins Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't have much to it, but it sets up future chapters. I'm currently ahead of schedule on the chapters, so I should be posting regularly each week. I'm uploading this on Thursday night instead of Friday because I just couldn't wait. I hope you guys enjoy!

The first thing she did when she woke up was to ask the med droid if she was cleared to leave. As soon as the droid said “yes,” she ran. She had to find Master Luke and talk to him. Whatever this was between her and that monster, Luke was the only one she thought could help them. She hoped she didn’t run into anyone she knew, especially not her two best friends.

              It was seconds after she thought that when she heard his voice. “Hey, champ! Out of the medbay, huh?” Poe Dameron was staring her down as if checking her for signs of trauma. “Are you feeling okay?”

              “Yeah, I’m doing fine.” She was grateful to have a friend like him. She was just about to make up an excuse when Finn rounded the corner. He was talking to one of the other Black Squadron members but immediately ran over to hug her, effectively ending the conversation he was having.

              “Rey! How are you doing?” He didn’t even give her time to answer his first question. “Did the med droid clear you? What happened?”

              “I’m doing fine, and I honestly don’t know what happened. Doctor doesn’t know either.” She shrugged. Before she knew exactly what was going on, she wasn’t going to tell anyone besides General Organa and Luke. Besides, she wasn’t entirely certain they’d understand if she told them, anyways, and a hallway was one of the most indecent places to tell them. She’d wait until she had answers. “Anyone know where Master Luke is?”

              Getting the hint that Rey had somewhere to be, he graciously gave her an out. “Probably in his room. Why don’t you check there? We’ll get out of your hair.” Poe flashed her his legendary smile.

              “Right.” Reciprocating the smile, she turned to Finn once again. “I’ll see you in the mess hall later? That’s assuming I don’t have training today.” She always looked forward to their meals together. That’s when Rey really felt like she had a family.

              “Yeah, of course.” Finn motioned for Poe to follow him. Giving Rey one last, brief hug, he started to leave. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

              As they walked down the hallway, out of sight, Rey let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. On Jakku, you had to know how to lie. Sometimes, you had to lie about where you had hidden your stash of parts or if you had any water left over. In her years on the dessert planet, she had become adept in the art of lying. Starting her journey anew, she headed towards Luke’s quarters.

              Before she even had a chance to knock, she could hear Luke tell her to come in. She opened the door to find him in a meditation pose. She had forgotten that mid-morning was his meditation time. “Rey,” he smiled at her. Rey knew it was a genuine one. “It’s good to see you awake!”

              “Yes, master. It’s good to _be_ awake.” Remembering why she was there, she bit her lip.

              “What is it you have to tell me?” His eyebrow hitched.

              “I had a dream.” Pausing, she looked down at the ground. “About Kylo Ren. Well, _with_ Kylo Ren.”

              “Hm.” Stroking his beard again, he moved to get up off the floor. “And it’s troubling you. What can you tell me of the dream?”

              “Well, I was dreaming normally, of the island I told you about. But he showed up. And we…talked.” This had Luke’s full attention.

              “What did you talk about?”

              “I tried to tell him about the…whatever this is.” She walked over and plopped down onto one of Luke’s two chairs. “Then I told him to sod off because he wouldn’t believe me.”

              Luke stood in contemplation. “Rey, we could use this to our advantage. Turn him to the light once again.”

              She was shocked. “You want to use me to turn him back to the light? Do you really think that’d work? I hate him! He killed Han! Don’t you think he’s a little bit past saving?” She didn’t know what else to say. Kylo Ren was a monster. One who was irredeemable. One who she wouldn’t hesitate to kill if she was given a second chance.

              “Compassion, Rey. Compassion is the way of the Jedi and it is what will bring him back.” After a moment, he slumped his shoulders. He looked tired. “Hate leads to the dark side.” He sighed. “You don’t have to do anything, Rey. But you’re stuck with this. You might as well put it to use.”

              She thought about that for a moment. Luke was right; compassion was as much a part of the Jedi Order as hate was not a part of it. But having compassion for an innocent man and having it for a complete monster was two separate things. Did Luke really expect her to feel anything but hatred towards Kylo?

              “He also…” Luke looked up from his deep thought. “Wasn’t wearing his helmet. Which I thought was strange.” It felt like an important enough detail to add. Something about it unnerved her.

              “So, Ben was vulnerable.” Luke never called Kylo anything other than Ben. It wasn’t so much out of spite as it was that he missed his nephew. “That might be a good sign.”

              Suddenly, sharp pain erupted from Rey’s head. She yelped and shut her eyes, placing her hands on either side of her face.

              “Rey, what’s wrong?” Luke immediately got up out of the chair he was sitting in to go to her. “Rey?”

              Just as quickly as it came, it went. “I don’t know. It was the same pain I felt a month ago.” She looked down at her hands, as they had lowered to her lap. And she felt rage. Intense rage. Her face scrunched up and she bared her teeth. Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, she was able to center herself.

              “It’s Ben.” Luke looked like he was in pain as well. “I don’t know what he’s up to, but whatever it is, you’re feeling it.”

              “What do you know about this, Master Luke? About force bonds.” There was a glint of something in his eyes. Pain, maybe. Deep pain.

              “It’ll only get stronger, Rey. Those with force bonds are connected, for better or for worse, through more than just mutual pain.” He started to say more but stopped himself. “Are you up for training today?”

              “Yeah, I’m ready.” Rubbing her hand, she gave Luke a weak smile.

              “I’ll meet you out in the courtyard after lunch. Can’t train on an empty stomach.” Luke made his way to leave, motioning for Rey to join him. “I need to go talk to my sister.”

              “Are you going to tell her about what I told you?” For some reason, Rey was afraid of that notion. Kylo Ren’s mother being involved made her uneasy in a way she couldn’t quite place.

              “Yes. She deserves to know. Would you like to come with me to explain it to her?” Luke took a sideways glance at her as they exited his quarters.

              “No, not this time, Master Luke.” Rey felt like she had done something dirty, fraternizing with the enemy.

              “Alright. I’ll meet you at the courtyard.” Rey nodded as they walked their separate ways.

              Walking towards the mess hall, she wasn’t quite sure what she was going to tell her friends when the time came. “I’m bonded through the force with the man you all swore to hate. The man who tortured one of you and the man who killed the legendary hero, Han Solo.” No, they would recoil at that. They would hate her. The thought unsettled her to no end. And then it dawned on her. They would think of her as a traitor. She would be labeled as a traitor if they found out. But, no, they couldn’t. She hasn’t done anything wrong, has she? Everything that had happened so far wasn’t her fault. Surely, they could see past everything else to understand that. Still, she had a sense that something wasn’t quite right, but she squashed it down in favor of pleasant conversation with her friends.

              She could immediately spot the table that her friends were at. It was the rowdiest table in the mess hall. And, seemingly, the happiest. It was full of Black Squadron members. Snap Wexley, Kare Kun, and Jess Pava were all there, laughing at something Poe has said.

              “Rey! No training today?” Finn’s face immediately lit up when she came to sit at the table after she got her food. Rey held up her hand to stop him. “Oh, right. I’ll wait until you’re finished eating.”

              In her time on Jakku, as a kid, Rey had to learn to eat fast so that no one could come and steal her portions. It carried over to now, when she had more than plenty of food. It had been almost two and a half months on base, but old habits die hard. Poe and Finn had gotten used to it. They just let her eat all her food and then talked to her afterwards.

              Finishing up her meal, she pushed her plate aside and smiled at Finn. “Yeah, I have training right after I’m finished here.” An intense sense of peace washed over her. She was home. She was with her new family and they loved her. Nothing could change that. Why she was ever afraid before, she had no idea.

              “Alright! We’re going to have another Jedi among us, gentlemen!” Poe chimed in. Lifting his glass, he clinked it with the rest of Black Squadron. A semi-formal toast to Rey’s victory.

              “Slow down there, Poe. I’m not a Jedi yet. I have a long way to go.” Rey wasn’t quite used to the hero-worship she had gotten once she got back from Starkiller. Almost everyone thought of her as a savior, and they certainly held more respect for Luke than they did for their squadron leaders. They were regular celebrities on base, and she reckoned she wouldn’t ever get used to it.

              “Yeah, but you’re well on your way. Word is that you kicked Kylo Ren’s ass on Starkiller while we were blowing the place up.” Wexley had nods of agreement all around the table.

              Feeling uncomfortable, Rey just nodded in acknowledgement and took a sip of her juice. They had no idea, she kept telling herself. She had no reason to be afraid. They were her friends. She wasn’t a traitor. She didn’t do anything scandalous. Not yet, anyway. And that thought demoralized her.

              “Hey, hey. She wasn’t the only one who took a chunk out of him!” Finn was laughing right along with them.

              “Yeah, but you also got a chunk taken out of _you_ , remember?” Finn nodded in concession to Poe.

              “Yeah, yeah, alright. And Rey picked up my slack. But I loosened him up for her.” Finn gave a wink in Rey’s direction. But she wasn’t paying attention. Clutching her head, her eyes were closed and she looked to be in pain. “Are you alright?” Finn reached out to her, and Rey recoiled at his touch. He looked devastated. “What’s wrong?”

              Giving him a weak smile, she lied. “I’m fine. Really. Must be some leftover phantom pains. Doctor still doesn’t know what’s going on.”

              “Alright. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do.” Finn looked at her skeptically as another wave of pain hit her. He didn’t quite believe her, but he wasn’t going to argue with her in public.

              And there it was again. The intense rage. It was as if it wasn’t her own, like she was feeling for someone else. She didn’t know if she could center herself this time. She tried to think about the small amount of meditation techniques Luke had taught her so far but came up blank. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. That’s all she could do. And it was working, very slowly. When she got back to her regular self, everyone at the table was staring at her. They had all gone silent.

              “Rey?” Finn looked incredibly concerned. He put his hand on her shoulder. “What’s going on with you?”

              “I said I’m fine, Finn. Just a little ghost pain, that’s all.” A sheepish smile was all she could muster. “I have to go meet Master Luke. It was very nice to see you all again.” She nodded towards the end of the table where the Black Squadron members sat.

              “You too, Rey. Go get ‘em.” Poe was always generous and understanding when it came to how other people felt. He could tell she needed to get out of there.

              Rey and Finn locked eyes. Rey’s eyes said she had to go, and Finn’s eyes shone in reluctant agreement. Nodding his head and looking away, Finn gave Rey a silent acquiescence to go.

              Rey headed towards the courtyard on the outskirts of the base. She would have more privacy there than in most places, making it a perfect training ground. Besides, Luke wasn’t entirely used to being around people and he enjoyed the solitude just as much as she did.

              Master Luke was meditating when Rey got to the courtyard. Standing up when Rey got within a few feet, he pulled something out of his robe and handed it to her.

              “Here. It’s yours. I have no use for it.” Grabbing the lightsaber, Rey was confused.

              “Are you sure? I mean, it was yours first.”

              “No, it was my father’s first. And he lost his right to it a long time ago. It’s yours now.” Rey remembered what Finn had said when he woke up. That Kylo Ren had laid claim to it. Shuddering a little bit, she conceded.

              “Alright. So what’s the plan?”

              “The plan,” Luke said while picking up a darkened Starpilot helmet. “Is for you to deflect this droid’s blaster fire.”

              “But Master Luke, I can’t see.” He put the helmet over her head. It reminded her of her time on Jakku with the helmet she found.

              “You’re supposed to _feel_ , Rey. Feel the Force flowing through you and around you. It’s in everything.” He laughed as if she had just told an inside joke that she wasn’t in on. “You aren’t supposed to _see_. Just ignite your saber and feel where the blaster fire is going to land.”

              “Alright.” She wasn’t sold on his teaching methods, but she did as she was told.

              The first time the floating droid blasted her, she yelped. It felt like half of the power of regular blaster fire, but it still hurt. She knew it would leave a mark on her lower arm. The second time the droid blasted her, it hit her thigh.

              “Oy!” She got ready to deflect again.

              The third time, she deflected the blaster fire perfectly. The fourth time, she did the same. And the fifth and the sixth.

              “Look, I’m actually doing it!” She was excited!

              “Concentrate, Rey. Don’t lose your focus.” He looked on with stern eyes.

              The seventh blaster fire hit her square in the chest. Stumbling back, Luke turned off the droid.

              “Alright, that’s enough for now. Let’s see how well you do at lifting things.” There was a playful look in his eye, as if he was telling a joke she, again, had no knowledge of. She smiled and walked over to where the small boulder was standing and began to practice.      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens next? A Kylo chapter, of course! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and are willing to stick around for the next.  
> Any and all comments are appreciated. I love talking with you guys. I'm a relatively new writer and any feedback I can get is amazing. Thank you in advance!


	3. She Has Potential

Kylo Ren woke up and immediately went to the refresher to get cleaned up. He had to get the scent of salt water out of his nose.  Thinking back to his dream, he wondered if the girl was, in fact, telling the truth. What if she had really felt him in all that pain? Was that even possible? How could one person, lightyears away, feel the same pain someone else was feeling? It just didn’t make any sense. Then again, what was that calming sensation he had felt when he was being tortured? Could that have been the scavenger? Kylo splashed cold water over his face. He was being ridiculous. And that peace that he had felt while he was on the island? Also ridiculous.

              He wondered if the Supreme Leader already knew of his newfound connection with the savior of the Resistance. The answer was most likely a yes. There was hardly anything that went on inside his mind that the Supreme Leader didn’t know about, and those things that were too private even for _him_ to know about were very closely guarded.

              After he finished up in the ‘fresher and adorned his usual clothing, he headed towards the chamber on board the Finalizer. There, the image of Snoke waited for his apprentice.

              He was anticipating his training. It had been too long since the Supreme Leader had thought enough to personally oversee his apprentice’s activities. The thought filled Kylo with anticipation. He wouldn’t let the Supreme Leader down. Not this time. He aimed to please Snoke, always. He had given Kylo so much over the years, a sense of belonging, a sense of power, abilities beyond Kylo’s previous comprehension. The only thing Kylo ever thought about was pleasing his master.

              When he walked into the chamber, Kylo was greeted by the Knights of Ren. All six of them stood at the end of the chamber, at the Supreme Leader’s feet. Kylo wondered how long they had been there, how much sooner Snoke had called them to him. Immediately, he understood. First part of training was combat, and the only ones willing to and capable of sparring him were his own knights. Though none of them possessed the abilities of the Force, they were each strong in other ways.

Mara Ren was strong with stealth. She could materialize out of and dematerialize into the shadows whenever she liked. This was one of the very few areas where Kylo didn’t share much of a talent. He preferred to face things head-on rather than hide from his problems. _That’s ironic,_ he thought with a huff. She was the least talkative among the 7 of them, and, consequently, the most mysterious. Only Kylo knows her backstory, and it’s not one he’s much interested in. He’s not interested in any of their stories, really. He can’t afford to sympathize with them. He would sell any of them and all of them out in a heartbeat if the Supreme Leader willed it. _Or if any of them decided to get in my way with Rey,_ he thought, and he knew they most certainly would do the same to him if given motivation to. There was no true loyalty among them, only a thin strand of belonging. Most of it was out of a need to survive.

Surek Ren was a brute. He was second only to Kylo in that aspect. He would rush into things without thinking, and he was usually the first one to land a blow in battle because of it. Matel Ren was the eager one. She was always itching for the next spar, the next battle, the next adrenaline high. She was the best with a double-handed weapon. It’s why she carried a staff. Tolwey Ren is the best sniper out of all of them. He prefers long range over close combat, and he is good at what he does. This is another area Kylo doesn’t share in. Voth Ren was the smartest of the group. He was the tactician. Second only to Kylo, he ended up mapping most of the missions for the group. Last of the group was Terras Ren. He was, by far, the best with a blaster. His accuracy was feared throughout the galaxy. He was quick and he was effective.

As Kylo looked over his Knights, he wondered which area he was going to be tested in today. His answer soon came as his master spoke.

“Matel Ren. Do not disappoint me.”

Cocking his brow, Kylo took in the challenge. Matel was strong, but not as strong as him. Her specialty was double-bladed weaponry, so she would no doubt go for a staff.

The Knights of Ren all stood around except for Matel. She grabbed her staff and took center stage with a smirk. She was good at sparring, he knew, but he also knew that he was better. He reciprocated her smirk with one of his own. Not that they could see underneath the helmet, of course. The only reason he kept it on was because he was the leader and he hated to be vulnerable in front of his troops. Plus, he needed to practice wearing it in battle scenarios. One could never get enough practice at something, even if one was good at it already. Even so, Kylo was about to train, and he aimed to impress.

He grabbed a sparring stick and went to the center of the chamber. His other hand clenched, he waited for the first strike. Kylo always played defense first. It allowed him to gauge his opponent and locate a weakness. He was massive enough to take the brunt force of most hits, so it was a good strategy for him. This time was no different. Matel swung to his left and immediately to his right. Kylo deflected them easily. This was child’s play. She swung again, this time lower, towards his knees. Again, he deflected.

The rest of the Knights were slowly pacing around the open circle Matel and Kylo had made for themselves. They were watching, observing. Learning all they could before it was their turn to test the almighty Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren.

Matel took an over-the-head swing and Kylo deflected it. He could see that she wasn’t closely guarding her left side. A weakness. Kylo humored her for a few more hits and then he struck, only he didn’t quite follow through. As he was about to hit her, he felt a sharp pain erupted in his lower arm. Happening to be the arm he was swinging with, he recoiled at the sudden shock, allowing Matel to strike his other shoulder which was wide open and vulnerable. Next came a sharp pain to his upper thigh, which caused him to stumble a bit at the surprise of it.

The Supreme Leader shifted in his seat, eyeing his apprentice. Kylo could practically feel his eyes on him as he stepped back to gather himself. Matel wasn’t letting up, though, and gave him little time to react to her next attempt at a hit, one which was barely unsuccessful. Kylo blocked it and took one of his own. A few exchanges followed before Kylo could hear his master’s voice ringing in his ears.

“Surek. Terras.” He nodded his head in the direction of Kylo, and they joined the fight,

Surek was a pure brute. He liked to take things head on and he wasn’t going to spare anything. Terras wasn’t the best of them in hand-to-hand combat, but he didn’t need to be. He had two other people to back him up. He only served as a distraction and not as an opponent.

Surek swung at his right shoulder and Kylo dodged, immediately throwing his weight in Matel’s direction, who was about to attempt a blow. He spun around to meet Terras’s stick and just as quickly blocked another hit from Surek. This went on for a couple minutes, this four-way dance. Just as he was about to deflect another swing from Surek, he felt a sharp pain to his chest, as if a low-powered blaster had hit him square in his sternum. He stumbled backwards and right into Terras, who landed a blow to the back of his knees and he buckled. Before Matel or Surek could land a blow to his back while he was down, the Supreme Leader spoke.

“Stop!” They all froze right where they were and looked up.  “Leave us.”

As the Knights filed out of the chamber, Kylo tried to regain his breath. Sweat beaded on his brow and he felt disgraced. He had no idea what these phantom pains were, but whatever they were, he was going to put a stop to them and next time, he would be ready. He sat there, on the floor, not moving. He felt like if he moved, he would snap and ignite his saber, destroying anything he could. He had failed. But such displays were weakness. He knew that, but it was still hard. He had so many intense emotions running through his veins sometimes, he just didn’t know what to do with them. There are many nights where he lays awake, screaming, punching the wall, shattering the refresher mirror, destroying anything and everything he could find in his quarters. But he couldn’t do that here. Not with the Supreme Leader watching.

“Kylo Ren. Come.”

He stood up and walked over to the small platform in front of his projection.

“You have been distracted. Shall we find out why?”

Kylo braced himself for what’s to come. Whenever the Supreme Leader decides he doesn’t trust something that Kylo says or wants to find information that Kylo didn’t give him, he does the same thing he does when he’s being trained on endurance, which is just coded language for ‘punished’. He rips through memories, thoughts, feelings, anything lingering that he might get a hold of in his papery thin hands.

All at once, it started. The pain is intense, but, again, there is that anchor. That presence. He tries not to think about who it is. It’s calming in a way he can’t describe.

Snoke starts with memories on the bridge on Starkiller. He hates having to relive the moment, but Kylo doesn’t resist. The Supreme Leader finds stray thoughts about throttling Hux on the bridge of the Finalizer. For that, he makes the pain even more acute. His thoughts turn to Rey, how she must be feeling right now. That catches Snoke’s attention. He digs further and sees memories of the shared dream they had. Immediately, he is released and trying to regulate his breathing once again.

“Interesting.” The Supreme Leader gazes over Kylo’s head. “A connection, yes. This is good.” He looks back down to Kylo’s heaving form. “You have done well, boy. I may have a use for you after all.”

That one stung a little. Kylo always hated when the Supreme Leader would act like he was just another thing to throw away after its intended use was used up. But he had to remember that he was special. That the Supreme Leader chose him, over all the other padawans. He could have chosen anyone, but he chose Ben Solo. A deed for which Kylo is ever grateful. He can never give back what Snoke has given him.

“So you have a bond with the scavenger. How quaint.” He seemed amused. “Do you know much about Force bonds?”

“No, Supreme Leader,” he said. His back was ramrod straight and his breath had evened out. Now he was presenting as a soldier, one who is willing to take on any order given to him.

“No, of course you wouldn’t.” Snoke waves his hand in a dismissive manner. “Why would you? It’s history goes back ages. A Force bond, generally made between master and apprentice, can be made between two…” he pauses and smiles briefly, as if what he’s about to say is an inside joke of which Kylo knows nothing. “…compatible souls. They can stay weak if one does not exercise it. However, my apprentice, it seems you have exercised it already, haven’t you?”

“Yes.” It was all he could say.

“The more you use it, the stronger it gets. It’s a curious thing, a Force bond. It can caused shared dreams, shared thoughts, shared feelings. Even shared pain.” He pauses as if mesmerized. Then, he changes the subject. “This will be a challenge for you, in a different way than Han Solo was. Can you resist temptation?”

“With your guidance, I will not be seduced to the light. I can withstand and endure.”

“Good, good. Because anything else is unacceptable.” His tone takes on a dark tinge. Kylo knows that failure of any kind is unacceptable, but to make such an egregious error as to be seduced into the light? Kylo shudders just thinking about it. It’s not something he anticipates ever doing.

“Bring her to me, Kylo Ren. I want her. She has… potential.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Kylo cannot deny that she has potential, but something in his tone doesn’t sit well with him. There’s a sense of entitlement that he doesn’t like, and he’s not sure why. Regardless, orders are orders, and he always aims to please.

As his hologram faded out, Kylo reflected on his mission. He was to bring Rey to the Supreme Leader. But why? To train her alongside himself? To kill her? To torture her and extract secrets? No, it couldn’t be the later. She wouldn’t have had enough time in the Resistance to know much. So what could he want with her? If Kylo had it his way, he would take her under his wing. Shelter her from all the pain and discomfort she faced on Jakku and show her what real belonging feels like. What real purpose is. He is going to sway her to his side, one way or another, but he’s not quite sure how. Logic and reason seem the most formidable options, but he’s not sure how much her friends have brainwashed her. No matter, he will have her. As he walks back to his quarters to clean up, she and the plan are all he thinks about. He wasn’t sure why it bothered him that the Supreme Leader wanted her, but he intended to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. I'm really enjoying writing the future chapters of this, so I hope you stick around to see what happens.


	4. Rey Likes Plants

Rey wakes up with a slight ringing in her ears. She doesn’t know where she is, and she damn sure doesn’t know how she got there. She remembers training with Master Luke. The blaster droid, the helmet she couldn’t see out of. She remembers it hitting her and then Luke saying something about lifting things. She vaguely remembers trying to lift a couple of rocks and then, nothing. The next thing she remembers is waking up, here. Opening her eyes, she realizes where she is. _The medbay. Great. Not again._

“How are you feeling, Miss Rey?” The nurse came up to her and placed her hand on the bed next to her leg.

“Oh, I’m feeling fine.” The nurse looked kind but disbelieving. Rey had met her the time before when she was in the medbay, but she couldn’t quite remember her name. “Really, I’m fine.”

“Well, you hit your head pretty hard when you fell, miss.” She looked over Rey as if checking for something.

“Hit my head? What exactly happened?” Rey said.

“We were hoping you could answer that for us. One minute you were fine and the next, you were being carried in here, unconscious by that Jedi fellow.” The nurse moved away from the bed and walked towards the counter.

“By Master Luke?”

“Mhm. He said you were having another episode. Said it was the same as last time. You had extreme pain in your head and then you passed out.” She shrugged.

Rey wondered how many more times this was going to happen. This time, she had still felt Kylo, and it felt as if he knew she was there. She remembers another presence too. Something cold, something sinister. She felt like it was there the first time too, but she wasn’t focusing on it then. This time, she was focused, and what she felt was darkness. The absence of all light. She couldn’t quite place it, and then, it hit her. It must have been the Supreme Leader that Kylo was talking about on the bridge that night. Master Luke had mentioned something about Kylo being plagued as a young boy, this must be the culprit. Suddenly, she couldn’t wait to get out of there.

“How long have I been out?” She asked the nurse.

“About an hour, I’d say. The Jedi brought you in and then said he had some business to attend to. But, he got one of your friends to come around. They said that they’d be back sometime around now.”

Rey was just about to ask what friend she was referring to when he walked through the door. Relief overtook her as she stared at her best friend.

“Rey! You’re awake!” Finn ran over to her bedside. A smile plastered firmly on his face, he had flowers in his hands.

“I am! What are those?” Rey asked.

“Oh, these are for you! I practically begged the gardener in the greenhouse to give me them-” Finn kept talking, but all Rey could think about was how lucky she was that she had him there. She’s happy that she has a good friend like him. Someone who will bring her flowers at her bedside and be the first one there when she wakes up. She’s never had anything like it. On Jakku, she was completely alone. No one to talk to besides the business dealings with Unkar, no one to hug, no one to call her friend. She was utterly alone, and now she isn’t and she couldn’t be more happy because of it. She starts to tear up a little bit and Finn stops mid-sentence. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright. I’m just happy you’re here. Thank you for the flowers, Finn. It’s really sweet of you.” She gives him the most genuine smile she can.

“Alright, that solves that problem, but, really, are you okay? This has happened twice now, and I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like it. I feel like you shouldn’t be alone in case this happens again.” The concern in his eyes was real and it was intense. He really cared about her.

“No, really, I’m okay. It’ll be fine, Finn. It’s not as if I’m in danger or anything,” she told him. She didn’t like the idea of someone being around her all the time, regardless of it being a harmless precaution. She wants full autonomy, and that would be the first step away from it. She’s already lost some of her autonomy from this happening in the first place. She can’t just explain to Finn what’s going on; he’d throw a fit. He hates Kylo Ren more than anyone else on base, she thinks. Maybe it’s because he’s seen things personally done at his hands, but Rey usually doesn’t try to speculate. It’s unpleasant to think about.

“But you are, Rey. If this keeps happening, and we can’t figure out why, I’m not sure what we’re going to do.” His concern was sweet, but perhaps a bit overbearing. Rey wasn’t used to having someone keep this close of an eye on her wellbeing.

“Finn, I am not going to let someone follow me around just in case I’m in pain again. I can handle myself.” Annoyance was starting to become the prevalent emotion.

“Of course you can, except for when you can’t. When you’re in pain, you’re immobile. You can hardly speak let alone do anything else. I just want you safe.” His hand was out, pleading with her. When he was met with a cold stare, he sighed. “Look, I’m not proposing this now, I haven’t even proposed it to anyone else, I’m just saying it should be in consideration if this happens again.”

Rey’s features softened. She suddenly realized how exhausted she was, and she apparently looked the part as well.

“You look tired, I’ll leave you here to rest.”

“Alright, Finn. Thank you.”  She was about to lay back down when he paused at the door and placed his hand on the jam.

“Listen, if you get out of here and get to feeling better, come by the hangar. Poe has some ships he thinks you would be perfect at fixing and the guys all love to have you around. So, uh, it’d be great if you came.”

For some reason, he seemed nervous. About what, Rey couldn’t place, but she thought it was none of her business, so she just said, “Yeah, okay. Definitely.”

As soon as Finn left, Rey’s head hit the pillow again. When she woke up, the nurse was just coming through the door.

“Am I free to go?” She was tired of spending time in the medbay already, she wondered how many more of these episodes she could take before she just started bribing people to take her to her room instead of the medbay.

“Well, you slept for another five hours without problem, so, yeah, I’d say you’re free to go.” The nurse gave Rey a small smile and then went back to her datapad.

“Oh, and one more thing,” the nurse said when Rey was halfway to the door. “You’re not allowed to go outside the base without some sort of medical company.” When Rey gave her a confused and rather upset look, the nurse added, “Doctors orders, I’m afraid.”

Rey resisted the urge to roll her eyes and said “Okay” before turning around and heading out the door. She was on a mission to find the greenhouse. She didn’t even know this Resistance base had a greenhouse until Finn mentioned it. She guessed that that’s where her jogan fruit was coming from in the mornings at the cantina.

Walking around the base, it didn’t take long to find signs saying “Greenhouse” and pointing in a particular direction. All she had to do was follow the signs and there she was. Walking into the greenhouse was like a dream for Rey. Lush bushes filled with berries that she had never seen before. Trees growing three times as high as her with some form of fruit on them, as well. Everything she could ever imagine and everything she couldn’t was there, it seemed. And, like she guessed, there was the jogan fruit, in the center of the room. Since this base was underground, there were lights overhead that simulated the sun, but as different plants from different worlds needed different things, there were walls partitioning off each set of plants so they could obtain specialized care.

Rey walked through the different paths cut through the foliage and marveled at every new plant she encountered. There were a few gardeners attending to the crops, but Rey guessed it was getting rather late, so there was hardly anyone there. Looking to her right, she finally found them. The flowers that Finn had brought her. They were beautiful. Reds, blues, pinks, yellows. The colors were spectacular. She walked over to them and stuck her nose right in them. They even smelled wonderful. She was delighted.

She wished that her plant back on Jakku had been so lucky. She had found it one day in the shade when she was out scavenging. It was already half-dead when she found it, but that didn’t stop her. Finding it to be the prettiest thing out in the wasteland regardless of status, she uprooted it and took it home with her where she replanted it in a hollow engine part she scavenged. She gave it as much water as she could spare, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t get it to revive. It soon died in her care and she kept it there, as a reminder that things on Jakku wither and die, just like she would one day.

She had always felt a kinship to that flower. Like she understood its plight. It was only trying to grow in one of the most inhospitable planets past the outer rim. It was alone, and if it could think, it would probably had been scared as well. It probably wouldn’t have known where it came from, even if it could think, and Rey could relate to that. She was devastated when she finally declared it dead. It had been her little project and she had failed. That was the night that she almost destroyed her rations because she was so angry.

Not wanting to think about that anymore, she looked back at the beautiful flowers and was happy that they were living. Looking up at the clock on the wall, she made the decision that it was too late for her to go to the hangar to be with Finn and Black Squadron, but she promised herself she would go at some point in the next couple of days. Heading back to her room, she thought again about that little flower. It never stood a chance on Jakku. But if it had been planted in the right soil and given the right amount of water, she was sure it would have flourished and thrived. That’s how she felt right now. Rey felt as though she was finally planted in the right soil. Maybe not specifically with the Resistance, but with her immediate surroundings. She had purpose, she had friends. She was happy. As long as nothing uprooted her, she would be fine. She would thrive and she would succeed. That’s what she thought, anyway. And it would help her sleep tremendously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Any and all comments are appreciated. They fill me with joy.  
> Stick around for Chapter 5 and you'll get some more Poe, with some more developments in the bond!


	5. The Voice

It’s a voice. A single voice. And it’s _his_ voice. The one she can’t stop replaying over and over in her head. She’s been relentlessly going over every conversation they had and she comes away more distraught and confused each time. What he’s saying now just serves to make her even more uncomfortable with the bond they share.

              She’s asleep, but she’s not dreaming. No, it feels like she’s just sitting inside of her head. It feels too _real_.

              “Tell me where you are, Rey. Tell me.”

              This was new. His voice was soft, almost pleading. She startles herself awake. She knows it wasn’t just a figment of her imagination, thought up just to scare her. No, this was real. It was him, she knows it. She could feel that familiar anxiety, the fear he harbors. Only this time, it seemed the anxiety was directed towards her. She shakes her head, thinking that maybe that will make it all go away, but it doesn’t. She only hears it again, this time in the form of a question. This time, she’s awake.

              “Where are you, Rey?” Genuine curiosity laced his words. There was no malice, Rey found.

              To keep her mind off it, she thought she might go to the hangar bay and see if Poe or Finn was there. She had missed last night and wanted to make it up to them. It would do all of them some good. They could keep each other company as well as fix whatever vehicle Poe had in his clutches. It was decided.

              She got up and got dressed, trying not to think about Kylo Ren. Something about him pulled her in, and she didn’t know what it was. The only thing that she was sure of was that he would never become her teacher.

              Making it to the hangar bay with little difficultly, she searched for one of her friends. She didn’t see Finn anywhere, but Poe was at the end of the hangar, working on one of black squadron’s X-wings. She could see that he was covered in grease. The bottom half of him was, anyway. He was currently underneath the star fighter and he was too busy to notice her walk up to him.

              “Hey, Poe!” Poe hit his head on the underneath of the X-wing. She could hear a resounding “Ow!”

              “Hey, Rey! Didn’t see you there.” He rolled himself out from under fighter and got up, grabbing a cloth and wiping his hands as best as he could. The cloth was covered in grease as well, however, and it didn’t do much to help him. He looked around for a new cloth but found nothing. “I’d give you a hug, but,” he said as he held up his hands and gestured to his clothing.

              “That’s okay.” Rey was smiling. She always loved being around Poe. His presence was always sobering.

              “So what brings you here?” Poe cocked his head and looked quizzically at her.

              “Oh, right, I was actually here to see if you had any diagnostics to give me? I owe you for last night and it would be great to work on something again. Plus, I could use the distraction.” She was a little shy asking about work. She didn’t exactly know if she was a part of the Resistance, and, if so, she certainly wasn’t sure of her role within it. She didn’t know if working on ships was allowed of her, but Finn had made it seem like it was okay, so she hoped Poe said the same.

              “Of course! As a matter of fact, this beauty needs a tune up. Wanna take over for me while I run a quick errand?” said Poe.

              “Yeah, that sounds great! What exactly does it need?” Her smile seemed to grow even bigger. She was truly excited for the first time since she came onto the base. She had an actual opportunity to look at the guts of an X-wing, the legendary star fighter of the Resistance and the Rebellion before it. When she first came onto the base, she had gotten a hold of a few mechanic manuals for a few of the ships the Resistance frequently used. She had a strong grasp on X-wing parts, she thought. A-wings, she was slightly less confident about, and she was sure she’d be able to repair one if it was life-or-death, but she struggled a little with the Resistance Transports. She hadn’t had as much time with its manual.

              “I just need you to check the engine, check the fluids, all that good stuff. No big deal. Alright, great. I’ll be back.” He looked to be in a big hurry. Rey watched him jog down the hangar before he disappeared into the nearest corridor. Then, she got to work. She located the tools she needed and proceeded to lower herself onto the board and slide herself underneath the engine.

              First thing’s first, she decided. She needed to check that all the cooling liquid was in good shape. After that, she checked to see how the deflector shield generator was working. She had to loosen some bolts to see where she needed to, so she began taking off the lugs. Having trouble with the last one, she tried to position herself so that she could get better leverage on it. She had just gotten it to pop off when Poe told her he was back. Rey looked over the parts underneath while Poe took the ones on the top. They worked in silence for a long while. Poe was the one to break it.

              “Finn really missed you last night.” In his voice was trepidation.

              “What?” Rey said while rolling out from under the X-wing. His voice had been muffled.

              “I said, Finn really missed you last night.” He looked down at her briefly before going back to tinkering with the fusial thrust engine.

              “Oh. Yeah, I’m sorry about that, I was, um,” she didn’t know why she was stammering. She had wanted to see the greenhouse and then realized how late it was. There was nothing wrong with that. Still, she had a tough time telling her friend the truth.

              “Finn was worried about you so we checked the medbay and you weren’t there. So we went and checked your room, and you weren’t there, either. I told him you were probably out with Luke, but, man, he was worried sick.” Poe had graciously, once again, given her an out.

              “Yeah, I was with Luke. We were doing,” she paused. “Jedi things.” Nailed it.

              “Oh, okay, well I’ll be sure to tell Finn if I see him today. He got called into a meeting earlier and I have no idea when he’ll be out.” He continued to work on a seemingly difficult bolt and managed to tighten it as much as he could.

              “Alright. That sounds great. I’ll tell him if I see him first.” She gave Poe a quick smile and then went back to work. They worked like that for a few hours and then the familiar growl of Rey’s stomach brought her down from her mechanic cloud.  “I think I’m going to go get some lunch. Want to come with me?”

              “Nah, I’m gonna fix up this beauty here and I’ll be late to lunch. You go ahead, though. Don’t you have training?” He stopped doing what he was doing to look at her. For some reason, she hadn’t even thought about training, but Poe was right. She had to grab lunch and then head to see Master Luke.

              “Alright, Poe. I’ll see you later.” She walked down the long hallways connecting each section to the next. Hangar bay, then armory, then extra storage, then med bay, and, finally, the cafeteria. She ate her food fast, as usual, and headed to the abandoned room at the opposite end of the base. They had decided that they would use the room for basic things and the yard for more complex things. It wasn’t a very pretty room, but it was big enough to do training sessions.

              “Good afternoon, Master Luke.” Rey greeted him with a slight smile. It’s all she could manage since she couldn’t get Luke’s nephew out of her head.

              “How’d you sleep, Rey?” He had been sitting on top of a large cargo crate at the edge of the room, but he started walking towards her.

              “What?” The question completely off-guard. Wasn’t that a question you normally ask in the morning instead of the afternoon?

              “I asked how you slept.” He stopped halfway to her and put his hands in his sleeves across his chest. He looked wise, like some ancient guru who held all the answers to life. That was as close to the truth as it would get. He was a Jedi. A powerful Jedi that could sense when something was off in the Force. Same basic principal, Rey thought.

              “I slept-” She had to find the right word to say. Would she tell the truth? Or lie again? “Alright. I slept alright.” Why did she keep lying? She supposed that having any affiliation with Kylo Ren is naturally something you’d want to hide, but not from those closest to you. Right?

              “Rey,” he said. There was that look of the guru who knew everything again. “Is there something you’re not telling me that you’d like to talk about?”

              She shifted her weight to one foot and bit her lip. “I heard Kylo Ren last night.” All it took was a slight nudge from a Jedi to loosen her tongue.

              “Heard him? Is that all?” He looked like he was expecting that answer. Like he had known already.

              “Yes, master. He was calling to me, asking me where I was.” She looked at Luke, afraid, as he started to pace.

              “Interesting. And did he say anything else?” Luke’s genuine curiosity was clear. But his concern was even clearer.

              “No. Just that. Why did I hear him instead of having a dream with him again?” This question had been with her all day.

              “If I’m assessing it correctly, I would guess that you can only have shared dreams when the two of you are asleep at the same time. What you probably experienced is just him talking through the bond you share.” He kept a straight and contemplative face.

              “So he can talk to me now, while I’m awake too?” She was a little frustrated at that. Now she would have to deal with him all the time.

              “Yes, it would seem that way, wouldn’t it?” He keeps pacing and looking at the ground.

“He won’t be able to find me, will he?”

              “As the bond gets stronger, there develops a homing signal through the Force. It won’t give an exact location, but it will be approximate. If you exercise the bond too much, this may be possible and he may find you.” He stopped and looked at his pupil. She now looked mortified. All her worst fears were being validated. He walked up to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “But we won’t let that happen. And, if it does anyway, we will deal with it. He won’t get to you, Rey. Not unless you want him to.”

              That resonated with her. Want him to? Why would she want him to find her? If he found her, then he found the whole Resistance, and that was not an option. On top of that, he had blood out for Finn and Poe was here too. And his mother. His mother was here. So is Luke. No, he can never find this place. All of the people he wants to kill, concentrated in one place. It just wasn’t a good idea. But, she had no say in who stays and who goes. If the worse scenario happened, and he could find her, she would leave the base before he homed in on it. She wouldn’t risk her newfound family. Not Poe, not Finn, not the General, not her master. None of them would be harmed if she had anything to do with it.

              “I don’t want to be a traitor.” The words spilled out of her mouth before she could even register the thought. It was true. She didn’t want to be a traitor to the Resistance and bring their most powerful enemy to them. The look on Luke’s face, however, said it all. He softened and gave her a small smile.

              “You won’t be, Rey. No one will blame this on you. None of this is your fault.” She thought about it. He was right. She hadn’t asked for this. It was thrust upon her by the Force, or whatever other entity may have bestowed it upon her.

              “Alright.” She had no choice but to believe him when the alternative was high anxiety and sleepless nights.

              “Time for training. So, I want you to stand in the middle of the room.” Once she had done that, he continued. “All we’re going to focus on today is your ability to feel the Force in living things. There’s a potted plant to the right of you. I want you to concentrate on that plant and feel its Force flow into you and through you. Close your eyes and imagine the plant in your mind. Then, I want you to _feel_ it.”

              Rey took a wide stance and closed her eyes. She tried to imagine the plant. It’s three leaves were distinctly in her head and she was working on the bulbs growing out of it. She concentrated for a few minutes before opening her eyes and turning to Luke.

              “I don’t think I’m doing this right.” She couldn’t feel a thing.

              “No, you were doing fine. You just have to learn to let your emotions go and only focus on the plant. Empty your mind.” He was standing a short way away from her in the direction of the door.

              She took her stance and tried again. This time it only took a couple of minutes of imagining the flower before she felt something. She wasn’t quite sure what it was, but it was familiar. Then, she heard it.

              “Rey,” it cooed. It would have been enticing if Rey didn’t know who was generating the voice. Still, she tried to concentrate. She put that thought aside and focused only on the plant.

              A few seconds later, she heard it again. “Rey.” This time, it was louder and a little more aggressive and short. She creased her brow, but tried to focus more intensely on the plant.

              “Rey!” It practically yelled at her in her head and she gasped and opened her eyes.

              “Rey, what is it?” Luke had already taken a cautious step towards her.

              “It’s him. I’m hearing him.” Her fear and confusion was palpable. “What do I do?”

              “You don’t have to do anything, Rey. You have the ability to reply, if you want to. You have that choice. But you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

She still looked terrified. She was trying not to think about the fact that there was a murderer after her that also had the ability to talk to her in her own head. She was also trying not to think about the possibility that he could, in the end, find her no matter what she does.

“Let me show you something. Close your eyes.” She obeyed him. “Now, I want you to find that place in the back of your mind where the bond connects the two of you. This is all in your head, so what it is depends on what your mind imagines it as. Tell me once you’ve found that.”

Rey wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but she kept looking. Eventually, she found  a door that felt like it was the right thing. On the other side of the door was Kylo Ren, and she didn’t want to submit herself to that right now. She found that it was cracked, however. “I’ve found it. It’s a door, and it’s slightly open.”

“Good. I want you to close it. Imagine closing it.” She nods her head when she’s done it. “Okay, now I want you to imagine that you’re boarding the door up. Board it up until you are satisfied with how it is.”

She imagines putting a bolt on the door, then boarding it up. She imagines that it’s impenetrable and that it would keep anybody out. “Alright, I’ve done it. It’s sealed.”

“Good. You can open your eyes now.”

“Master, what did that do?” She wasn’t quite sure what it was she had just done.

“You have just shored yourself up against Ben. It’s a basic technique and it doesn’t always work, but if you concentrate and focus, it should keep him out. At least for a little while. If he’s clever enough, and if I know my nephew well, he is clever on occasion, he will find a way around your barrier. It should do for now.” He gave her another small smile. “Now, back to concentrating on that flower!”

Rey felt more secure now that she had learned how to do that, but she still didn’t feel safe, and she certainly didn’t feel alone. “Alright, master.” She stood in the middle of the room and tried, once again, to feel the Force flow through her. She wondered how long it took Kylo Ren to learn how to feel living things in the Force. That thought motivated her. A few minutes later, she was excitedly exclaiming that she had felt it. She had felt something that she would not have been able to on Jakku, and she was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Any and all comments are appreciated, I love seeing what direction you guys think this is going in. Tune in next week for a Kylo chapter!


	6. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren thinks about Rey and her traitorous, murderous friends, when he stops to reflect how those adjectives can be used to describe himself as well. In a fit of panic, he shatters a mirror and wrestles for control. When the intercom tells him he's needed on the bridge, he calms himself and heads to meet Hux, who is in need of tactical expertise from Kylo. He needs help determining which planets could hide a resistance base and which are a waste of time. After some light quarreling, the two part ways and Kylo goes back to his quarters where he contemplates where Rey could be. Unbeknownst to him, he ends up projecting his thoughts to her and she answers back, startling him. She promptly cuts off communication and Kylo is left to think about their connection. He then goes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: self-harm  
> If depictions of self-harm is not your thing, please don't feel obligated to read this chapter. I have provided a summary of the chapter so that you can skip it if you wish. Stay safe, my friends.

It was a sleepless night for Kylo Ren. He didn’t try to sleep, he didn’t toss and turn. He was just awake and thinking about _her._ How she eludes him and how stubborn she is. She’s strong and has people she loves and that makes her dangerous. _People she loves,_ he thought. _What is there to love in traitors and murderers?_

 _You’re a murderer too,_ said a voice inside his head. He shook his head as if to shake out the voice. _You’re a traitor to your family._ His head started to hurt. No, he wasn’t a traitor. Ben Solo was. When Ben Solo betrayed his family, Kylo Ren had a clean slate. _And there’s nothing to love in you._ He sat up and tried to breathe. _You’re right that no one can love murderers and traitors._ He looked frantically around the room. Suddenly, his vision was blurred and all he could hear was the erratic thumping of his heart. His throat was dry, he couldn’t say anything, though he tried. _That’s right,_ the voice said. _You’re weak, you can’t even handle a little emotional pain. How are you fit to rule the galaxy if you crumble at your own feet every time you think of that name!_ He balled his fists in the blanket that was laying in his lap. With the intense heat coming from his face and the wetness now developing on his neck, he realized that his vision was blurred because he was crying. Sobs wracked his frame as he hunched over and heaved in and out. Air was scarce and the pain in his chest was growing. He felt hopeless. Felt like there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t leave the First Order, Snoke would have him killed. Even if he did, he couldn’t go back to the Resistance. He knew they would execute him as well. All was lost. All was hopeless and he was in despair. He took in an extra gulp of air and the heaving stopped. The tears ceased to flow and his chest pain started to wane.

              “I am not weak,” he said aloud to no one through clenched teeth.

              Sadness gave way to anger and he balled his fists up again, though this time it was tighter. He was digging his nails deep into his hands. He figured if he tried any harder, he might make them bleed. He threw the blanket off him and jerked his body onto its feet. Going over to the mirror, he didn’t recognize himself. When was the last time he ate? He didn’t have an answer to that. He felt so vulnerable and fragile. He hated it.

              “I am not weak!” He screamed into the mirror before punching it so hard it shattered. He had bloody knuckles and a small cut to the cheek, but he didn’t care. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins and once again, all he could hear was the thumping of his heart. He grabbed the edge of the sink to try and ground himself. Harsh breathing through his nose wasn’t helping anything and he couldn’t get his heart rate down.

              The Supreme Leader would want him to show that he wasn’t weak, show that he had control. He would also want Kylo to be punished for his defect. As he grabbed the biggest shard out of the sink, he stared back at his reflection. His eyes were bloodshot and his brow was creased. He stared at himself almost in a trance. He tore himself out of the inattentiveness he was in and rolled up his sleeve. He dug the shard into his skin, crimson immediately bubbling up from the depths of his veins. He was abruptly outside of himself, looking back on himself with a morbid curiosity. How deep would he end up cutting? All at once, it was over, and as the crimson spilled onto the floor, he came back into himself. The feeling he felt was a strange kind of peace. He felt in control, of himself and of his environment.

It was one of the few times he had ever felt that. He usually had no control under Snoke, no control over his life. He lived to serve the Supreme Leader. He lived to please the Supreme Leader. And the Supreme Leader expected nothing less and so much more.

              He unclenched his fists and he let go of the shard. Its sound reverberated throughout the room as it fell and shattered once again. His teeth were no longer grinding themselves together. His breath evened out and he closed his eyes. He felt an intense sense of self in that moment. There were moments where he didn’t know who he was, didn’t know what he was. But this time, he knew and he felt it.

              As destructive and painful as they were for him, his fits were a part of himself just as his heart was a part of himself. He didn’t know what or who he would be without the constant fear that someone would find out how weak he was. He didn’t know what he would be if he didn’t have a nagging sense of dread that anything bad could happen at any moment. His anxieties and fears defined him in a way he couldn’t quite describe. They were a defining feature for him, and, though no one knew but the Supreme Leader, he worried that word would get out how weak he was. The only thing other people saw was intimidation, narcissism, and anger. Him lashing out in anger was the easiest thing for him to do. It was his instinct, his first reaction to weakness. And it worked. It allowed him to release all the pent-up energy he carried with him all the time.

              Staring at the broken glass in the sink, he turned on the faucet and cleaned off his wound. He may have inflicted it, but he had no intentions of letting it get infected. It stung, but it was nothing in comparison to the pains in his chest. He finished cleaning it and then dabbed the rest of the blood away with a cloth. Rummaging through his drawers, he found a bacta patch he had stored for this exact reason and he applied it to the cut. Again, he closed his eyes. He tilted his chin up towards the ceiling and took a large breath. He was himself again.

              An interruption. The Intercom on his wall beeped. Someone wanted to get ahold of him. He walked over to his bedside table and grabbed his helmet. He wouldn’t talk to anyone on board the Finalizer without it.

              “Yes?” His modulated voice made him sound indifferent and aloof.

              “Sir, your presence is requested on the bridge.” He didn’t recognize the voice. Probably a new, unfortunate soul who drew the short straw. But he didn’t sound afraid, which was unusual. No matter, he only had one concern.

              “By whom?” He dreaded the answer.

              “General Hux, sir.” And there it was. That prick wanted him on the bridge, but why? He was uptight and ornery: a very unpleasant person to work with or for. Nonetheless, he would have to comply. He hoped that after his episode, he’d be able to stand the red-headed general.

              “I’ll be right there.” He cut communications with the cadet.

              Taking off his helmet, he walked over to his closet and gently set it down. He took out all of his underclothing and put them on as slowly as he could manage. He wasn’t going to do anything promptly for Hux. He then put on his outer clothing. After wasting an extra 5 minutes, he put his helmet back on and embarked.

              He walked down the hallways with ease. His gait and demeanor told every stormtrooper in the vicinity to get out of his way, and they always did so with a quickness that amused Kylo.

              Arriving at the bridge, he walked through the now open doorway and stopped. He looked around at all of the people bustling to and from different consoles. People with datapads doing inspections and people silently doing their job was not amiss. After making eye contact with at least 5 cadets (and scaring them back to work in the process), he finally spotted Hux. He was standing at the end of the platform facing the window. Striding up beside him, he didn’t look at the general.

              “I was wondering when you were going to show up, Ren.” The tone in his voice was bitter, as always. It was never not bitter and the discontent slapped across his face never went away, either.

              “I was attending to other business.” Kylo owed nothing to Hux.

              “Yes, well, seeing as it was the Supreme Leader that requested you here, it would seem you would have disappointed him by not toddling along immediately.” That gained some silence and Hux smirked. He knew that Kylo’s weakness, or one of them, was that he never went against the Supreme Leader.

              “What is it you want?” He wanted to get straight to the point.

              “We have a group of planets that our intelligence has pegged for possibly having Resistance bases. We need you to look over them and tell us what you think,” said Hux.

              “Why can’t you get your strategist to do it?” Annoyance was the first thing on his mind.

              “Because the Supreme Leader asked for you, specifically, to do it.” The look on his face was full of smugness and villainy.

              “Alright. Give them to me.” A small, stout man came up beside Hux and handed him a datapad. Receiving it, he immediately handed it off to Kylo.

              “First one is a desert planet. Aquilae. It was a part of our system until the Resistance liberated it 2 years ago.” Hux looked out the window again, back ramrod straight and hands behind his back.

              “There are no major geographical features besides the palace, and the planet is occupied by a lot of people, including bounty hunters. The Resistance wouldn’t be so brash as to make a base on such a planet,” said Kylo.

              “Alright, the next one is Daxan Beta. We believe it was originally scouted out by the Rebellion in the days of the Empire.” Hux sounded almost indifferent to all of this. He might as well yawn and get it over with.

              “No. Too close to an old Imperial Trade Route. They wouldn’t risk that.” He was positive in his assessment.

              “Are you sure they wouldn’t just want us to think that?” He was itching to get under Kylo’s skin.

              “Send your troops there if you must, _general._ But know what my verdict was.” Shooting a dangerous glance at Hux, he went back to the datapad.

              “The next one is-”

              “Is a no. No, no, no.” He scrolled through several planets and came away with nothing. “What are you trying to give me? Are you trying to waste my time?”

              “Oh, of _course_ not, Ren. I was merely giving you an opportunity to rectify your mistake on Starkiller.” Again, he was smug. Kylo’s head jerked to the side as he stared Hux up and down.

              “I think you forget that Starkiller was your pet, not mine.” In fact, he had been totally repulsed by it. He thought it cowardly.

              “Oh yes, I know, but,” He got closer to Kylo and hushed his tone so that no one else could hear him. “I think _you_ forget that it was _your_ pet who destroyed it. That makes it your fault.” He reveled in the fact that Kylo just became undeniably more tightly wound. His fists were clenched and he could just imagine his teeth grinding together. He knew he wouldn’t make a scene on the bridge, of all places. But sometimes, he was surprised. “So if you’re done thinking about yourself and your _precious_ time, there are a few more planets to look over.” Hux returned to look at the window, never wiping the smirk off his face. In response, Kylo looked back down at the datapad. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a response.

              “Galpos II is a waste of time. They wouldn’t go near slavers. But this one? Philaxia?” He thought for a moment. “Send your men there immediately.”

              “Alright, Ren.” But Kylo was already halfway to the door. “Ren? There are more planets to discuss!” Hux chased after him.

              “I don’t see a point in it. Send them to my quarters if you’re so stuck on it.” He can see that Hux is taken aback, but he knows that Kylo is superior to him in many ways. He says nothing. Just straightens his back, flattens his shirt and places his hands behind his back.

              “Very well.” He turns and assumes the same position Kylo found him in.

              Amused at the predictability of the general, Kylo moves to leave, a stormtrooper jumping out of his way as he exits. The walk back to his room was the same as the walk to the bridge. He didn’t encounter many people, but those he came across knew to stay out of his way.

              Back in his quarters, he took off his helmet and set it down in its usual spot. He sat on his bed and put his head in his hands. His arm hurt and he could feel it bleeding through the bacta patch. It would heal just the same as all the other ones, though.

              The general had wanted to know where the new Resistance base was. If Hux found something, Kylo could use it to his own advantage, being able to find and capture Rey. That’s all he wanted, to find Rey. _Where are you, Rey?_ He thought. He knew the planet he picked out, Philaxia, was a good candidate, but he also knew that it could very well turn up nothing besides rocks and rubble. Since the abandonment of the base on D’Qar, the Resistance has been very elusive. They’re being careful. Even so, no one can always be vigilant. At some point, they’ll slip up, and when they do, Kylo Ren will be there.

              He didn’t have much interest in squashing the Resistance. That was a First Order struggle that he intended to keep out of at all costs. He didn’t want to kill his mother. He didn’t want his mother touched at all. But he knew she was constantly in danger, being with them. Even so, he had little feeling towards the matter. Little that he would allow himself to feel. Really, all he wanted was Rey. He had this bond with her, this weird connection. He didn’t fully understand it. He had felt something on Starkiller, some sort of kinship. His heart twitched when he first laid eyes on her, and being around her was intoxicating. Her light was so focused, so intense, that he had given her every benefit of the doubt, and she had played him for a fool. Her light was intense, but it was also fragile. She didn’t have allegiance to anything but herself, this he knew.

              He would find her and he would take her as his. _What if she doesn’t want to come? What if she refuses to come with me and instead fights me again? What then?_ He couldn’t afford to think about “what if” scenarios. He wanted to think positively about this. He still had time. He could talk to her in the dreams they shared and hopefully he could get her to see his side just enough to be okay with it. The steps from there were easier. But first, he had to find her, and that proved to be a frustrating game to play.

              _Where are you, Rey?_ He thought again. His head was still in his hands when he heard her.

              “Leave me alone!”

              Kylo knew whose voice that belonged to, but he didn’t know how he was hearing it. He stilled. For a second, he almost thought she was in the room with him, but he dismissed that notion easily enough. No, this was coming from his mind. Was this the bond? With trepidation, he tried again.

              “Rey?”

              “No!”

              “Rey!”

              It was too late. She had boarded up her mind thoroughly, and he couldn’t get through. It was no use. He had no idea that they could communicate while awake. This was a development he could use to his advantage. He just needed to master how to communicate and how to stop communicating. Maybe it was a two-way street. Maybe one had to be listening while the other is projecting. Maybe it was just a one-way street, where you yourself control when you do and when you don’t speak. He didn’t know, but he intended to find out. He would have to find out tomorrow, though. Right at that moment, Kylo was sleepy beyond a doubt. Since he didn’t get much sleep the previous night, he figured he’d lay down and take a nap, one of the few he’d ever taken. Finding Rey could wait until he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Tell me what you liked (or didn't like) about this chapter in the comments! I love talking with you guys. Next week, I'll be bringing you another shared dream!


	7. Kylo's Attempt to Recruit

Rey was exhausted. She trained nearly all day with Luke. She thought she could get some down time with Finn at dinner, but Kylo rudely interrupted her. How could he even communicate with her outside of the dream? How was that possible? Master Luke hadn’t said anything about it. He did say the bond would grow stronger, but she didn’t think it would happen this fast.

              She was tired. She needed rest. She’d think about this in the morning. So she went to the refresher and cleaned herself up, got into her pajamas, and went to bed.

              She dreamt of her island. It was green and rocky and eerily similar to Ach-To, but it was hers. All hers. She would sit and look out at the ocean and smell the ocean air until she woke up, and she’d be content doing it. It was a clear day, but it looked like it was going to rain. There were dark clouds in the distance and the air felt thick with water. Rey didn’t mind, though. She liked the rain. It was soothing in a way that the sandstorms on Jakku never were. The storm was some ways away at this point, but it still felt imminent.

              “I didn’t know I was projecting.” She supposed his appearance had been imminent, as well.

              “What?” She stood up and turned around, preparing herself for whatever would come out of his mouth next.

              “I mean, I didn’t know we could communicate outside of these dreams. I didn’t know I was projecting my thoughts,” said Kylo Ren. He didn’t seem to be lying, and by the way he reacted when Rey had talked back last night, she had reason to believe it was truth.

              Silence. Rey didn’t know what game he was playing and she didn’t want to play into it. She didn’t have an explanation to give him. He didn’t deserve one. Kylo looked curiously at her, his head tilted ever so slightly. She hated the way he looked at her.

              “Why have you been blocking me out, Rey?” The question seemed genuine. But the motivation was unclear. There was no way he couldn’t make a guess as to why she did what she did. So why was he asking? Why did he care?

              “Isn’t it obvious? I don’t want you stalking me all the time.” Her arms were now crossed. She hated this. She didn’t want to get used to talking to him.

              “And I thought I made myself clear that my intentions are good.” His face was blank. Rey couldn’t discern a single emotion.

              “I don’t care what your intentions are, I know what you want, and I don’t want any part in it,” she said.

              “And what is it that I want?”

              “Quit playing games, Kylo. I know you want to find me. To fulfill whatever sick fantasy you have of me as your student. But I’m not going to play along. You won’t find me.” Even as she said it, her heart sunk. She didn’t know if that was something she could say with confidence, and she hoped he didn’t catch on.

              Kylo seemed to reflect on that notion for a second. He looked at the ground briefly, then back up to Rey with a mischievous glint in his eye. She didn’t like it one bit. Whatever was up his sleeve wasn’t good.

              “You know, I recognize that wall you put up to block me out.” Rey didn’t say anything, just stared at him as he started walking in a wide circle around her. “It’s much like the one Skywalker used to use when I first discovered the power to enter into people’s minds.” He stopped, and looked at her as if he pitied her. “It won’t last forever, Rey. I will find a way around it.”

              “I’ll just keep putting it up. You won’t be able to keep this up.” Her energy was fading. She didn’t believe herself.

              “Rey, you don’t believe that. You know I’ll keep coming again and again. You’re important to me.” He looked like he wanted to reach out to her, but he didn’t. Instead, he looked away and clenched his fist. It was as if he was hiding something from her. He composed himself and then turned back to her. “But there is another way, Rey.”

              She was skeptical. The way he was looking at her was different. It was almost pleading. He had said she was important to him. Why? And what other way did he think would solve this? He wanted to find her, he never denied that. So what was the alternative to him bugging her until she gave in?

              “Let me in. Tell me where you are.” He took a step closer to her, hand out towards her. Her first instinct is to back away from him, but she doesn’t. Something about him seems genuine and benign. It sounded like he had hope that she would actually tell him where she was.

              “You’re crazy.”

              “Am I?” She tried walking away after rolling her eyes, but he ran up to her and grabbed her shoulder. The immediate look of disgust on her face and the sudden jerking motion she did made him drop her arm, but he didn’t stop pursuing her. “It’s only a matter of time before I find you, Rey. You might as well go ahead and tell me now. It’d make things easier on you.”

              Rey kept moving. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say. She could tell he was getting frustrated, but she was getting frustrated too. How long was he going to keep this up?

              “I could be of value to you. We could help each other.” He was reaching out to her again. Rey turned around and glared at him.

              “How could you _possibly_ help me? I’m getting plenty of help on my own.” Her stare was piercing. She hoped he felt it.

              “I could teach you. Remotely. We could be an unstoppable force, Rey. A force for good in the galaxy!” He looked like he was pleading with her.

              “Good?!” Her head was leaned forward in disbelief. She couldn’t believe she just heard that come out of his mouth. Did he not realize the irony in that statement? “You call what you do _good_? That’s the most ridiculous statement I’ve ever heard. Do you know how many people the First Order has killed? Any idea what kind of havoc you and your people have wreaked on the galaxy? If you had it your way, the whole galaxy would bend to your every wish. No one would have autonomy. How is that good?”

              Kylo Ren shook his head and chuckled darkly. It almost made Rey give a little bit of ground to him, but she stood firm. What did he have up his sleeve? There’s no way to misinterpret how the First Order wishes to rule the galaxy, and he was a part of the First Order so he must want the same, right?

              “You have no idea what I want for the galaxy, do you?” He took a step towards her. “I want power, yes, but I also want equality. The kind of equality that can only come under absolute rule.”

              Rey was confused. Him wanting absolute rule made sense. But equality? What kind of equality could be brought about by a dictator? An emperor? Rey knew very little about the Galactic Empire but everything she heard about it was bad. The poor were only getting poorer, people were constantly harassed by the Storm Troopers with no regulations in place to stop them, and the xenophobia was rampant. The propaganda campaign that Emperor Palpatine had in place did its job well, and by the fall of it, most of the Empire was crumbling anyway. The only thing holding it together was the Emperor himself, and after he died, all hell broke loose. She had heard the stories about the Battle of Jakku from old smugglers and bounty hunters. She used to hide in crates in the small cantina they had at Nima Outpost just so she could hear stories like that. The Empire was bad and she knew it. So what did Kylo mean?

              “What do you mean?” said Rey.

              “The Republic has shown itself to be slow and weak. Too much bureaucracy and not enough action.” He started walking in a circle around her.

              “What you want is another Galactic Empire.”

              “No. The Empire was flawed as well. It fell because of sentiment. My rule will not come to an end because of something so preventable. What I want is for the Galaxy to be united under one banner. I want trade to be easy and my people to prosper. That’s all I want, Rey.” He looked from the ground to her, and he matched her piercing gaze perfectly.

              “Sounds like you want a dictatorship.” He paused, but then continued slowly circling her.

              “That’s what the First Order wants. Don’t ever confuse me with them. My interests do not line up with theirs. They are a necessary evil on the way to my utopia.” After no response from her, he continued. “Rey, join me. You could help me build the perfect Galaxy.”

              “What about the Supreme Leader? He wants the same thing you do.”

              Rey knew very little about the Supreme Leader, but she could guess what his motives were. She could see that it struck a chord with him. He paused again and turned towards her, his hands behind his back and his chin held high.

              “The Supreme Leader is inconsequential.” He didn’t seem like he believed himself fully. Like he was feeding himself a lie that he was trying to get himself to believe in.

              “But he’s using you! He only wants you as a means to an end.” Again, Rey didn’t know much about him, but she had heard what Han had said on the bridge and she guessed he was telling the truth.

              “No! The Supreme Leader wants what’s best. He wants me to succeed.”

              “Can’t you see he only wants you because of your power?” He was calm, but he wasn’t saying anything. Rey decided to move onto a different subject. “What makes you think I would join you anyway? We’re on opposite sides of this war. You can’t possibly think I would give even a second of consideration of your offer.” Her hands were by her side and she looked genuinely bewildered.

              “You and I are a lot alike. More than you realize.” He sounded reverent.

              “What?”

              “I felt you. Back on Starkiller. I felt your needs, your wants. Most importantly, I felt your anger. It consumed you. It surrounded you like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It matched my own anger, Rey.” Suddenly, the wind picked up. The storm was moving in.

              “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Now she was the one trying to feed herself a lie.

              “Don’t play that with me. I can see right through you. You felt anger, and it felt good. You nearly killed me because of it. You were magnificent, Rey. Your rage is a beautiful thing.” His voice sounded far away, like he was worshipping and this was his prayer. “But your light. Your light is too great inside you. It’s,” He stopped and looked up at her. “Intoxicating.” Taking a step towards her, he raised his hand ever slightly as if he wanted to touch her, but immediately withdrew. “Come to me, Rey. Let me train you. Let me show you what you could be. You would improve so much faster under my teaching.”

              “You don’t want me as your student. You want to find me so you can kill me. And Master Luke.” Her face was scrunched up at the realization.

              “So Skywalker is with you?” Rey immediately feels the sting of guilt for letting him know that. “No, Rey. I don’t want to kill you. In fact, I want something far from that. You are the light I’ve been missing. You hold the balance that I need, and I hold the power that you seek. It’s only you, Rey. It’s always only been you.”

              “No. I’m nothing to you!” The storm picked up even more. Rain started falling and Rey’s breath was getting heavier.

              “Do you really believe that? I know you felt what I felt in that room on Starkiller. Do you remember what I said to you? I feel it too, Rey. There’s something that links us, bonds us. I didn’t believe you before but I do now, whatever it is. You can’t escape it. Neither of us could even if we wanted to.” He walks up to her as she’s still started to fume. He raises his hand up to her face and cups it. She immediately pushes his hand away and he puts it down, a little stung but understanding. “Rey, I want what’s best for you. Skywalker can’t teach you what you need to learn, nor what you want to.”

              “And what is it that you could teach me that Master Luke can’t?” She was curious, but also dubious of what he was going to say.

              “For starters, how to manipulate memories.” He knew he had her. “You could remember who your parents were. You could finally know who they were.”

              She looked down and contemplated it. That was something she wanted. She wished she could remember their faces. Maybe then, she could find them, if they were still alive. It continued to rain. She looked back up at him, a look of determination on her face.

              “Just think about what I have to offer. You have potential, and I’d hate to see it wasted on an old man.” He started back away and eventually disappeared. Once he was gone, Rey could catch her breath again. There was no way she would think about joining him. Right? I mean, he probably could teach her things Luke would never dream of teaching her, or couldn’t teach her. But she was doing the right thing staying with the Resistance, right?

              He had said that he wasn’t with the First Order out of want but of necessity. What if he meant well? What if his utopia could work? These thoughts haunted her for the rest of her dream. The storm died down and she was left on the island, alone once again. It always ended with her being alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you guys! So I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. All of the dream sequences are always fun to write, so I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Any and all comments are appreciated and encouraged!   
> Next chapter, we'll see Rey and find out how well the two are getting along after this.


	8. The Millennium Falcon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, so I apologize, but I hope you enjoy it!

Rey woke up from her dream, still thinking about what Kylo had said. He didn’t want a dictatorship. His loyalties weren’t with the First Order. It was a lot to process. And he could teach her how to remember her family. Her parents might be out there somewhere, and knowing what they looked like, maybe even remembering their names, was a start to finding them. But she couldn’t, and didn’t want to, abandon the Resistance and her friends just to chase a fantasy. She knew that if her parents wanted to come back for her, they probably would have a long time ago, if they were still alive. She remembered what Maz had said and her resolve tightened. Kylo Ren would not trick her into anything.

              She got out of bed and got dressed, determined to get her mind off of all things Kylo Ren-related. She started walking towards the hangar bay. Maybe Poe would have some things for her to do. She could easily get lost in engine parts, and she needed something to do before her training with Luke because it was still very early morning.

              Getting to the hangar, she easily spotted Poe towards the consoles on the far left of the bay. He noticed her when she was halfway to him, a huge smile plastered on his face.

              “Hey, Poe!” She bounded up to him with enthusiasm. She was ready to start her day by fixing something. “Got anything for me today?”

              “As a matter of fact,” He nodded behind her towards the end of the hangar. “I do.”

              Rey turned around and saw the Millennium Falcon. She excitedly turned back to Poe to see him handing her a datapad. “Really?”

              “She’s all yours, kiddo. Order came from Chewie, I’m sure he’d want no one else but you to take a look at it.” He flashed her another smile. He was clearly happy to see her beaming like she was. She loved the Millennium Falcon. Ever since that first ride with Finn, she had a sort of connection with it. When she was flying it, it felt like an extension of herself. She eagerly grabbed the datapad and a toolbox and ran off towards the famous ship.

              When she walked up to the ship, she looked down at her datapad to figure out what diagnostics had been done and what needed to be fixed. It looked like the compressor needed to be recalibrated, so she headed off to do that first. Going to the cockpit, she pulled off a panel underneath the console and looked at all the wires. Looking at the datapad, she realized there was a model yt-freighter manual programmed onto it. She looked back and forth between the manual and the wires, mentally mapping which one was which.

              She reached her hand back into the console and grabbed what she knew was the wire she needed and she yanked it out of place. After inspecting it, she reached back into the far left of the console to place it where it needed to go.

              “Don’t touch that!” She yanked her hand back on instinct but fumed when she realized who the voice belonged to. Calming herself down, she put up her mental walls and reached back into the console.

              “I told you not to touch that,” came the voice again.

              “How is it you’re in my head?” She said through the bond. “I blocked you out.”

              “Obviously, you didn’t block me out well enough. I told you I would find my way around it eventually.” He sounded cocky and she didn’t like it. Was he proud of himself for infringing on her privacy? “I would have thought that Skywalker would have taught you a better technique.”

              “He teaches me well enough.” She crossed her arms.

              “You’re obviously strong enough to learn a better technique. I wonder why Skywalker didn’t teach one to you. Does he not think you’re ready?” Rey knew what angle Kylo was trying to get at, but it angered her anyway.

“Shut up,” she said through the bond. “He must not be competent enough to know a better technique. That, or,”  he paused, seemingly for dramatic effect. “He doesn’t trust you.”

              “Shut up!” She wasn’t going to let him badmouth her teacher.

              “Is everything okay, Rey?” Poe had walked up behind her and she hadn’t even noticed. Did she talk out loud accidentally? “I heard you talking to someone.”

              “Nope, everything’s fine, Poe!” She gave him her most award-winning smile.

              “Go ahead. Tell him. See what he says.” Kylo was amused, clearly. He chuckled softly. What game was he trying to play? Did he want her to be alienated by her friends? Or was he just trying to get a rise out of her?

              “Shut. Up.” Rey said softly through the bond. Her smile faltered a little and she couldn’t tell if Poe had noticed or not.

              “Uh-huh. You sure?” Poe didn’t look convinced. Rey nodded eagerly.

              “Yeah, I just talk to myself sometimes. Helps me think and keep focused.” She was sure she sounded convincing, but he still wasn’t going along with it. Hopefully he wouldn’t say anything else about it.

              “Alright, well, I just came here to check on you.” He looked her up and down. “When you’re finished with this hunk of-” He seemed to notice the then-amused look on her face as he almost called the Millennium Falcon a piece of garbage. “-whatever this is, meet me by my x-wing. I need some help with tuning her up and you’d fit the job perfectly.” Rey nodded, and Poe left, still looking concerned.

“Get out of my head, Kylo.” She turned her attention back to Kylo and her work, double-checking that the wires were in the right spots except the one she pulled out while she talked to him. She didn’t want to fight, and she knew he wasn’t just going to go away. This bond, whatever it was, they were stuck with it. So she would have to learn how to deal with him in a calm, orderly fashion, whether she liked it or not. Maybe telling him to leave politely would work this one time.

              “If I wasn’t in your head, you would have reached back into that console and just electrocuted yourself on that loose wire.” Nope. Didn’t work.

              Rey reached into her toolbox and pulled out a flashlight. Focusing it on the spot in the back where she had just been reaching, she saw the wire Kylo was talking about. There was a wire out of place, but she couldn’t tell what it went to.

              “Oh.” She said softly. “How did you-?”

              It suddenly hit her. He must have been on this ship hundreds of times as a kid. He should know at least a minimum amount about this ship. It had been his father’s pride and joy, after all. There were so many memories attached to it. There’s no way one person could go through them all. The memories now spanned generations

              Rey suddenly felt guilty. But, to her horror, she realized it wasn’t her own emotion. It was coming from Kylo’s side of the bond. What did he have to feel guilty about? Surely that couldn’t be an emotion he could possibly- oh. Realization flooded over her and she didn’t know what to feel.

              “You must have been on this ship a lot as a kid.” She didn’t know why she wasn’t berating him, but it felt right. Maybe he was human after all. There was no response, only the feelings of guilt and confusion. “Right, well, I need to get back to my work, so…”

              But he was already gone. The feelings of guilt and confusion subsided and Rey was left with her own thoughts and feelings once again.

              _He felt guilty about killing Han,_ she thought. What did that mean? How could he have the courage to do something like that and then turn around and feel guilty about it? This was unlike anything she had ever thought about before. She thought that for someone to do something so heinous, they must really be on the Dark Side, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe there was a grey area she just wasn’t seeing.

              She got back to her work and finished it relatively quickly. Other than the compressor, the turret needed to be fixed, since they hadn’t fixed it since that fight on Jakku, and some of the parts needed to be replaced.

              She gathered up her tools and heading off the Millennium Falcon, trying not to think about Kylo. The whole point of her going to the hangar was to forget about him, but, once again, he had weaseled his way into her head. She didn’t know how he did it, or why she allowed it. He was infuriating to deal with, and he was still a terrible person, but there was something about him that drew her in.

              She walked over to Poe and started helping him on his x-wing. Hopefully, there would be no more interruptions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. As a relatively new writer, it means a lot to me. And I love talking to you guys in the comments, so I'd love it if you dropped a comment. I love you all. Next week, you'll be treated with a Kylo chapter!


	9. Snoke's Warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, this is a shorter chapter. Next chapter will be too. But, I've decided to mess with my update schedule and just make it on a "Whenever I get a new chapter done, I'll upload it" kind of deal. Because of this, you get a new chapter 2 days after the last one was released, and, in the next couple of days, I'll have another chapter for you guys!  
> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy it.

Hux was rambling on about something in their meeting, but Kylo wasn’t paying attention. There was a little prick at the back of his mind that had danger written all over it. Guessing what it might be, he homed in on Rey and what she was thinking. As soon as he figured out what she was doing, he sprung into action.

              “Don’t touch that!”

              It was a good think Hux was on one of his rants, otherwise he might not have gotten away with it. But he did and now he was heading back to his quarters, mostly oblivious to what the meeting was about in the first place. He didn’t much care for meetings. They tended to slow down reaction times and create a bureaucratic environment that staunched any progress.

              He didn’t know why he had cared enough to warn her in the first place. She might have only suffered a minor shock, had she touched the loose wire, but there was a possibility… He shuddered at the thought. But why does he care at all about her wellbeing? She should just be a means to an end. A way to impress his master, a way to get ahead of the game. _But_ , he told himself, _I don’t want her dead. She’s not useful if she’s dead._ And that’s what he told himself. It was for his own benefit, not hers. He had no vestment in her wellness besides making sure she was alive to fulfill her duty.

              There was a sudden feeling in the back of his head. One only created by the Supreme Leader. Kylo was redirected to the Throne Room. As soon as Kylo opened the heavy set of doors, he could see Snoke’s visage, looming over the open space in front of him. He was truly massive. Kylo had never met him in person, he realized. He didn’t know how tall Snoke actually was.

              “Kylo Ren.” His voice boomed and echoed off the walls and cathedral ceiling.

              “Yes?” He stood in front of his master, looking up. Always looking up. And the Supreme Leader was always looking down.

              “Certainly, you know why I called you here.” The Supreme Leader’s voice was always slow and deliberate, never mincing a word.

              “It’s about the girl.” His modulator made him sound indifferent, but he was anything other than that, though he tried.

              “Good. And how is our newest asset doing?” He leaned forward as if to listen better to what Kylo was going to say.

              “The plan is going along as anticipated,” he said.

              “Is that so?”

              “Yes. The girl is strong-willed. It will take some time to get her to allow me to train her, but I firmly believe it’s only a matter of time.” He was trying not to get too defensive. He knew the tone in Snoke’s voice was anything other than understanding, and he didn’t want him thinking that he had failed, yet again.

              “Then how is it that you spent time attending to her instead of your responsibilities on the bridge?” He was eyeing Kylo very carefully, looking for a certain answer.

              “Supreme Leader, is she not a part of my responsibilities?” If he wasn’t defensive before, he was now, but he was trying to hide it. He knew, with one small misstep, he would be punished. “She was in possible danger, I had to intervene.”

              “Hmm.” Snoke rubbed his chin with his long, stick-like fingers. “You may be correct, but you’re getting comfortable with her. You have compassion for her, Kylo Ren. And I will not have such weaknesses in my midst.”

              “Compassion? For a scavenger? Never. Not when I know how detrimental such weaknesses are. She is a means to an end. Nothing more.” He didn’t fully believe himself, but he had to. He had to believe that his attraction to her was only power-based. He hoped that he was convincing.

              “Good. As I have said before, she will be a great test for you.” She would be, indeed. Kylo knew that she had the potential to break him, if she so chose. But he also knew he had a great opportunity to further prove himself worthy to the Supreme Leader. “I will be monitoring your progress, in more ways than one. You will report back to me when you are called. I will be testing you both, in different ways.”

              “Am I not to train myself, then?” He didn’t know if this would be part of his training or if he was expected to do this alongside his already painstaking training with the Knights of Ren.

              “You are to train alongside both the Knights of Ren and the scavenger. You are to train her, that is a part of your test, and I want results. I want _her._ ”

              “Yes, Supreme Leader.” He was given his marching orders. He flinched at the possessiveness in Snoke’s tone as he had referred to Rey. He hoped the Supreme Leader hadn’t caught it.

              “There will be a final test given once all others are complete. See to it that you do not fail me, Kylo Ren. Or it will be the last time you get an opportunity to disappoint me.” And as he said the last sentence, his hologram faded away until there was nothing left but Kylo in the large room.

              He walked back to his room with questions laid heavily on his back. What kind of tests would be given to both him and Rey? Would they be the same tests? Would they be different? Would they be the same?

              Kylo was likely being tested on how well he can train, how well he can contain such a wild force such as Rey. But his largest test, by far, would be to see how long he could uphold his teachings in the presence of such a strong light. He knew he could withstand it. He had to. He couldn’t afford to disappoint Snoke again.

              He didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face when he fails him, yet again. He didn’t want to see the anger burning in the back of his eyes as he punished him. It’s like feeling the rejection of his father all over again. The feeling he got when his own father looked at him in confusion and in pain. He didn’t want to go through that again.

              But what was the final test? Would she pass it? Of course she would. She was Rey. But what would be the result? If they both passed, would the Supreme Leader bestow the rights to Rey on to him? Or would he take her for himself, as another apprentice beside Kylo? No, that couldn’t be right. There was always only two. A master and an apprentice. Kylo was the sole apprentice. So if Rey were to be given the title of apprentice as well, then…

              No. He was just being paranoid. The Supreme Leader would never abandon him. He cared about him. He wanted the best for him, he always had. He had seen him through his worst moments, and he was the only constant in his life. Kylo was the one who served him. Kylo was the one who had obeyed him no matter what, even though he may have failed. So why would he choose Rey over him? Instead, he entertained the first notion: Snoke giving her to Kylo.

              Immediately, his head was filled with images of Rey, swathed in black, holding a red lightsaber in her hands. Images of her giving orders and sitting on a throne right next to him were intoxicating to think about. Kylo closed his eyes and imagined a life with her. A life where she was by his side.

              If only he could find her…

              “Rey, where are you?” he thinks. And then, he drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much to everyone that gave me a kudos. It means the world to me. And for all of you commenting, you guys keep me writing.  
> See you guys in a couple of days!


	10. A Stranger Headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Bringing you another quick update. This is a shorter chapter as well, but stay with me. They'll be getting longer soon.

She had been at this for hours. Feeling the earth around her, being able to tell where Luke was at any given moment, and, finally, attempting to lift crates. The crates were the hardest part, and it was the one taking up most of her time. She had just failed, again, to lift the largest crate. She could move small objects, but anything bigger than a caffeinator was too much for her. She was just about to try again, sweat falling from her brow, when Luke broke the silence.

              “Take a break, Rey. Try again later.” He had gone to get some tea for them both. As he gave Rey hers, he took a measured look at her. She didn’t look any different, but she seemed less at peace, more troubled. “You seem troubled.” Luke took a sip from his cup.

              Rey just stared down at hers, not taking a sip. She watched the steam rise from the cup, being hypnotized by the way the steam swirled and swayed in the air currents. She felt like those puffs of steam, being pulled in every direction and not having a say in where she goes. It was comforting, in a way, to know that at some point, the steam will dissipate and become one with the air around it. She wanted to be one with her surroundings in that way. She wanted the Force to be an extension of herself, like Luke talked about so often.

              She broke herself out of her inattentive state and took a sip of her tea.

              “Is this tea from the General?” She recognized its pungent flavor.

              “Yes. It’s from my sister. A little favor in order to lift your spirits.” He wasn’t about to pry, but he knew something was going on that Rey hadn’t told him yet. He figured if he asked too much or too often, she would retreat into herself. She wouldn’t want to speak with someone who cared so much. Like him, she had been in isolation too long. Neither of them knew how to handle being in a caring relationship with anyone. At one point, Luke knew how, but now it seemed as though he would never learn how to again. He was trying, though, to mend things with his sister.

              “Master, Kylo Ren talked to me.” Luke didn’t look phased at all, as usual.

              “And what did he say?” said Luke.

              “He warned me.” She slumped her shoulders and took in a big breath. “I was working on the Millennium Falcon, and he warned me about a loose wire. I couldn’t keep him out. We talked for a bit, and then he left.”

              Luke chuckled. “He used to love that ship.” He looked off onto the far side of the room. “You know, there was a time when Ben wanted to be a pilot, just like his dad. He was maybe five or six then.” Rey was looking intently at him now, so as to urge him on. “Han used to take him on rides, maybe to the nearest star system and back. Leia always hated it, but that never stopped Han.” Another chuckle escaped from his lips. “Ben was fascinated with the Falcon. He wanted to learn everything about it. HE would bug Han while he was repairing it, and eventually, when Ben was old enough, Han did teach him quite a lot. Of course, that was before he was sent to me.” His tone became dark. “At one point, the Millennium Falcon was to be his when he grew old enough to pilot it. But, much like that saber, it’s yours now.”

              Rey looked incredibly uncomfortable. She wasn’t used to hearing about Kylo as a child, and there were times when she forgot he was ever a child. He’s so dark, one would assume he’s always been like that. He was never a happy child in Rey’s mind. Maybe that was closer to the truth than what Luke was painting, a picture of a small boy who just wanted to be like his father and had a happy outlook. She didn’t know. What she did know was that he had felt guilty when she mentioned it. Was that a detail worth telling Master Luke? She didn’t think so. She didn’t want to give him, or the General, false hope. They surely needed it, but Rey couldn’t provide it. Not now.

              She was cheerless, and there was a sensation growing in the base of her head. At first, it felt like a pressure, pressing on the inside of her brain, but now it was growing, spreading to all parts of her head. She tried to shake it off, and that seemed to help for a few seconds, but the pressure came back with a vengeance. She put one hand on the side of her face and rubbed her temple. Then came a stabbing pain and she let out an audible sign of stress.        

              “Rey?” Luke had grabbed her by the shoulders.

              The pain was white-hot as it tore through her brain. There were memories flashing before her eyes, of her times on Jakku, and of her small journey with Han, but they seemed distorted somehow. As if they were being tainted by something. Rey felt that their bond was wide open, but she couldn’t concentrate enough to send anything through it.

              “Rey, what’s going on? Talk to me.” Luke was trying to remain calm.

              “It feels like,” she had to pause to catch her breath. “Like something is in my head.” It felt dark, and cold. Someone, or something, was violently riffling through her mind, and it was painful.

              “Like the first time?” She shook her head as if to say ‘yes’. “Rey, can you feel Ben?”

              She tried. She tried to feel around, to come back inside herself, but each time she tried, she was pushed back. She tried feeling around the edges, to see if she could feel him. Her efforts came back negative. She shook her head “no.”

              Immediately, Luke wrapped her arm around his neck and headed towards the medbay. There wasn’t a second to spare. They walked through hallways, and people stared, but they didn’t encounter many, and those they did got out of their way. Rey was making tiny, high-pitched noises that told him that she was in immeasurable pain.

              They were halfway to the medbay when he heard a loud gasping sound coming from Rey. She planted her feet and stopped, yanking her arm away from his shoulders and pressing it up against the wall. There was no one else in the hallway, otherwise he would have continued to drag her, against her will. But he let her stand there, gasping for air like it was water and she hadn’t drunk in 3 days.

              “In through the nose, out through the mouth, Rey. That’s good. Inhale, count a few seconds, and then exhale.” With the coaching from Luke, she had started to breathe normally a few minutes later. “Alright, let’s get you to the med-”

              “No!” She practically yelled at him. “I mean, no. Just take me to my room.” He eyed her cautiously. “You know the medbay can’t help me.”

              He silently conceded and went to grab her arm again, but she motioned that she was fine on her own. Every once and a while, she had to take in a deep breath, and she was shuffling a little more than walking, but they finally made it to her sleeping quarters. Luke opened the door for her and made sure she was sitting down before he left. Soon after, she fell into a deep sleep that she desperately needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment if you can! I'll have the next chapter up within the week. It's another shared dream, so it's bound to be exciting!


	11. Starkiller All Over Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I'm getting to this so late. I had this chapter mostly ready for the past week and a half, but I had to tweak a few things, and school just started for me, so things are a little crazy.  
> This chapter is another shared dream, so I hope you like it!

He’s standing, waiting. Like a predator on the hunt, he is patient. He has no idea if she’s going to show up at all, but he will stand at the ready even still.

              He can feel when she falls asleep. The cord in the back of his head goes slack, and there’s a faint humming. Excellent. He homed in on her. She was a short walk away, and she didn’t seem to be moving too fast. Easy prey. Her Force signature was so powerful, he could have felt her if she were miles away from him.

              He snuck up from behind. Watching, waiting for a perfect opportunity. She was looking around, but he was in the shadows. He knew that she hadn’t mastered finding people through the Force, so he was safe from being discovered too early. He stalks her around Starkiller Base.

              _She’s beautiful,_ he thought. The way the snow was falling in her hair, it brought him back to that fateful night on this station. The night he first fell, in awe of her power. The night he vowed she would be his. She’s looking around, and she looks a little frightened. Perfect.

              He ignites his saber. The pure crackling sound of the blade is like a lullaby to Kylo. It comforts him and makes him feel safe.

              An audible gasp parted from her lips, and for one beautiful moment, she was afraid. He advanced on her, lightsaber still held at his side, as she ran away. He knew she wouldn’t get far. Not with his gait. He slashes at small trees and chops them in half, the burning sound ringing in both of their ears. This only made him press on harder. He was gaining on her. She was running, but it was unbalanced and clumsy in the snow. _That’s something we’ll have to fix,_ he thought.

              They make it to the natural corridor made up of sheet rock and she jumps on top of the wall as he slashes near her. She jumps off and rolls. _Impressive._ She continues her unbalanced running, zig-zagging from tree to tree, with her pursuer right behind her, chopping down trees to clear his way as she went. He was getting more and more aggressive. The sickening humming of the blade ringing in his ears, he made one final advance.

              She was backed up against an ever-widening ravine. Just like that night. She stood her ground as he moves his lightsaber to point towards her throat.

              “Are you afraid?” He knew the answer already.

              “No.” She stuck her chin out, defiant in the face of death once again.

              “Good.” He takes one step closer. “But your thoughts betray you.”

              As he takes one more step towards her, lightsaber beside her face, she instinctively took a step backwards.

              It all happened so fast. She took a slight step backwards and lost her footing on the edge of the gorge. His lightsaber was deactivated a nanosecond later, dropping to the ground with a muted thud, and he was reaching out for her. He managed to grab her hand and pull her back before she could fall backwards. As he pulled her up, he pulled her towards him naturally and wrapped his arm around her waist.

              They stood there for a few seconds, her breathing hard, wrapping her head around what just happened, and him trying to hide the frantic beating of his heart. He thought for a second that he might lose her. There was a twinge in his chest as he thought that over. _I almost lost her._ She stared into his black mask with a look of gratefulness and happiness. It looked good on her.

              But it was over shortly after it started. She tried to push herself off of him, but he, instead, moved her to the side that was not facing the deadly gaping split in the ground, and he let her go. She stumbled backwards a little, absentmindedly rubbing her wrist where her hand was. _I hope I didn’t hold her too hard._ He had no idea how hard of a grip he must have used.

              “You-” She took a gulp of air. “You tried to kill me!” Her eyes were wide.   

              “I told you I didn’t want you dead. Quite the opposite, actually.” But she didn’t hear that last sentence, she was stammering to herself.

              “I don’t believe you, I don’t believe _this_ , I- I-” She was clearly in mild shock.

              He eyed her up and down, making sure she wasn’t hurt anywhere he wasn’t aware of. She was acting frantic, like this was her first near-death experience. _Or maybe,_ he thought. _It’s because it was_ you _who put her in that position in the first place, yet you saved her._ He realized he still had his helmet on, and recognized that this would probably go over more smoothly if she saw that he wasn’t a threat, that he was genuine in not wanting her to die and not meaning for her to have that experience. He would feel vulnerable, but he needed her to trust him. He slowly took the helmet off and dropped it on the ground next to his lightsaber.

              “You should trust me more.” She looked up at him with a confused look on her face.

              “I don’t trust murderers,” she said, a little too forcefully. There was a sour look on Kylo’s face.

              “Then you shouldn’t trust your Resistance friends, either. And you shouldn’t trust yourself.” Her entire body froze up when he said that. It was as if she were a droid and her circuits were rebooting. She stared at him, at first with a pitiful, knowing look, and next with a look that could kill. “All I’m saying is that I’ve never lied to you.”    

              She seems to consider that for a moment before jumping right back onto topic. It seemed as though it hadn’t really set in for her that he was the one to save her, in a dream where she would just wake up instead of die. “If you weren’t trying to kill me, then what were you doing?” It was accusatory.

              “Training you.” He shrugs and leans down to pick up his saber and reattach it to his belt.

              She was _not_ expecting that answer. “Wait- Training? What were you- You were _training_ me?” She looks dumbfounded, and then all her rage takes focus onto him. “You are _not_ my master, and I will never be your slave.”

              “Slave?” He creased his brow. He wasn’t quite sure where she got that from. “I never said anything about you being my slave, or being inferior to me at all.” He can’t deny, it’s a tempting thought, but he quickly squashes down that reverie. She is too independent. There’s no point in wasting time on a fantasy that will never, and could never, happen. “You would be my equal. We would rule _together_.” He held his arm out towards her.

              She considers that for a short while. Kylo is imagining the tests that Snoke told him about. He suddenly had a moment of clarity and realizes that Snoke is going to dig his claws into her, make her another victim like himself, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

              “Who’s digging their claws into someone?” It took him a second to realize what she was saying, but when he got it, he cursed at himself. He should have been keeping his guard up. He could have guessed it was harder to keep guards in place when she was literally already inside his head, but she had heard, and now he either had to explain, or lie, and he wasn’t willing to do either.

              He didn’t know how she would react to know that the Supreme Leader wanted her. Would she panic? Would she blame him? Would she rather go to Snoke than to himself? He wasn’t about to find out.

              “Nothing. You shouldn’t have heard that.” He wasn’t going to deny that it was of significance. He had told her he had never lied to her, and he would keep that up. There was no reason to lie now. He shouldn’t have doubted the Supreme Leader anyway. Everything he does is for the betterment of Kylo, for the wellbeing of Kylo. He wouldn’t put an obstacle in his way that he couldn’t climb over. Kylo was not a victim in this. Snoke had only boosted him up.

              “Look, Kylo. Trust goes both ways.” Her arms were now crossed.

              “I see your point,” he answered.

              “So are you going to tell me what that was just about?” Her right elbow was resting on her left arm, which was wrapped around her torso. Her right hand was out in an incredulous gesture.

              “No, I’m not. I said I wouldn’t lie to you, I never said I wouldn’t withhold truth.” He leaned down and picked up his helmet, gently brushing off the snow that had gathered on and in it. “Training’s over. You can go back to whatever you were doing before.” He starts walking towards the forest.

              “Whatever I was doing- The planet is collapsing! There’s nothing to do but wait until the planet blows up!” Her voice was raised, but Kylo didn’t stop walking. He never put his helmet back on, to her surprise. “I felt the pain again.” She said it quietly, but he heard it and he stopped, dead in his tracks. He turned his head so that his chin was almost touching his shoulder.

              “What?” His voice was moderately loud and filled with trepidation.

              “I felt the pain again, in my head. Today. But-” His heart pounded. He hadn’t been in pain earlier. He hadn’t been punished, he hadn’t been training. Why did she feel pain? “I couldn’t feel you. You weren’t there.”

              His entire body went rigid. His jaw tightened, his teeth and hands were clenched, and the look on his face was a mixture of confusion and anger, two emotions he knew well. Was Snoke reaching out to her without going through Kylo? How was the Supreme Leader able to reach her? And why was he doing it? His very bones went cold.

              “Kylo, what is it?” She was concerned. For him, at the moment. She had no idea what she really needed to be concerned about.

              “The same pain you felt when I was being trained?” His voice was rough.

              “Training? Is that what you call it?” She scoffed. When she looked back at him and realized how serious he was, she immediately answered. “Yes. The same pain I felt then.”

              Kylo becomes enraged. Why would the Supreme Leader go behind Kylo’s back? Rey was _his_ responsibility. Was this a test? Was this one of the tests? He had to remain calm. He wanted to shield Rey, if only for the sole purpose of keeping her to himself. He wanted to turn around and cut up the trees that were behind him, but he didn’t. It was not the time for that.

              “It felt cold. And dark.” She looked at him again, all rigid. “What is it?”

              As quickly as his body tensed, he cleared his face of the intense feelings and took on as neutral of a mask as he could. He wanted to put his helmet back on, but he knew she hated it.

              “What?” He played the part as if he didn’t know what she was talking about.

              “You got tense when I mentioned that I had a headache again.” She took a small step towards him, eyeing his entire body, checking for signs of any emotion. She took a look at his hands, and he forced himself to unclench them.

              “That wasn’t just a headache, Rey.” Again, he tried to keep as neutral of a disposition as he possibly could. Rage was bubbling just below the surface, but he couldn’t let it escape.

              “Then what was it? If you tell me, then maybe Master Luke could help-” She jumped when he nearly yelled.

              “That old man couldn’t save you even if he wanted to!” His hands were already clenched again and he cleared his throat to try and return to that stoic image, but he found he was failing.

              “Save me? What do I need to be saved from?” She matched his voice level. “Besides being saved from _you_ , I don’t need saving!”

              “Rey, we’re stuck with this. We should learn to at least tolerate each other.” He gave one final regard. “And, for the last time, I wasn’t trying to kill you!”

              “Then tell me what gave me the headache!” She yelled.

              “I-” He was in resignation. His hands were still clenched, but his jaw loosened and his features softened. He knew he couldn’t tell her. Not like this. Not when he had so many questions himself. Adding her questions on top of his would mean they’d never get answers. He also didn’t know if there would be consequences for telling her, for him or her. He couldn’t put her through that. He didn’t want her to go through that. It wasn’t the right way to get her on his side. “I can’t.”

              She put her arms down and her features softened, as well. “You…” She sighed. “You can’t. Right. Okay.” She started walking in the direction Kylo was originally going.

              “Where are you going?” He yelled after her.

              “To wait for this bloody planet to blow up!” She didn’t stop walking, and Kylo was alone.

              What did this mean? And what could he do about it? He felt helpless. He couldn’t go against the Supreme Leader. But, perhaps he could persuade him that this wasn’t the correct way to woo her. Snoke didn’t know that he knew, though. That could be a disaster. He felt even more hopeless.

              The planet blew up, and both of them awakened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Leave a comment if you want. Thank you to all the people who gave me kudos on my last chapter. I really appreciate it.  
> Next chapter, Rey talks to Kylo's mom, Leia, so stick around! I should have it up within the next week and a half.


	12. Leia and Rey Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who gave me a kudos last chapter! It means a lot to me.  
> This chapter features our favorite girls: Leia and Rey. I hope you enjoy!

Rey wakes up and slowly opens her eyes. She looks at her clock and realizes it’s past noon. How did she sleep this long? She remembers the dream. He had chased her down with his lightsaber. That glowing, unstable blade is burned into her mind. He had chased her, and then he had cornered her. And tried to kill her? But then he said he wasn’t. She almost fell off a cliff, but he saved her? That didn’t seem right. But on second review, that’s what she remembered. It must have happened. And he had held her, close to his body. That disgusting helmet was that close to her face. But why did he take it off? He had said he wouldn’t lie to her, but he wouldn’t tell the truth, either. Why?

              So many questions swimming around in Rey’s head, she didn’t know where to start. And she didn’t know where to go for answers, but she had an idea.

              Getting up, she got dressed. There was no time for breakfast, and she wasn’t that hungry anyway. Instead of heading to the mess hall, she headed towards the General’s office. She didn’t exactly know what she was doing, going to Leia for help, but she thought it might be the right thing to do. Talking to the mother of the man who’s trying to track you down might give you some insight as to why he’s doing what he’s doing. But there was always the possibility that she didn’t have any answers, either, and was just as clueless as Rey.

              She walked up to the door and it immediately opened. The General was sitting at her desk, reading some papers, but she looked up and smiled when Rey walked in.

              “Rey! What a surprise. Come in, come in.” She got up and pulled up a chair for Rey. “How’s training going?”

              “It’s going alright. I’m learning a lot.” She’s a little bit uncomfortable with small talk. In never really seems genuine, but she humors Leia.

              There’s an uncomfortable silence, then Leia speaks again.

              “Would you like some tea? Or some caff?”

              “Tea, please.” There’s another uncomfortable silence as Leia gets up and makes the tea.

              After Leia sits down and hands Rey her tea, they both take sips of their drinks and stare at anything other than each other. Finally, Leia looks at Rey and asks her about the happabore in the room.

              “Is this about my son?”

              “What? No!” She thought for a second that she could pass off this visit as a visit of good health, but she quickly realizes with the raising of Leia’s brow that she could do no such thing. “I mean, yes.” She shrinks a little in her seat.

              “Alright. What has he done now?” She was back in the general’s stance.

              “He just,” she paused as she looked at the poster on the wall. “I don’t know what to do. He says he doesn’t want to kill me, but he chases me around Starkiller, and he says he’s never lied to me, but he won’t give me vital information, and he says he’s only training me, but is the Supreme Leader ordering him to do it? I just don’t know what to do.” It all kind of spills out in a jumble of words.

              Leia seems slightly overwhelmed. She flutters her eyelids and then responds to Rey.

              “Alright, well, let’s look at one thing at a time. Tell me what happened on Starkiller?”

              “The first or the second time?” It seemed like a logical question to her, but Leia seemed confused. “Our shared dreams. We..” she trailed off while trying to find the words. “Had another shared dream last night, and it was on Starkiller.”

              “Alright. Let’s go to the first time on Starkiller.” She said it slowly to show how cautious she was being on the subject.

              “Well, he interrogated me. He,” Rey said as she scrunched up her face in distaste as she remembers the day. “Got inside my mind, but then I was able to get inside of his and it was full of fear and self-loathing. It was the darkest I’ve ever felt. But before that, he said that he ‘felt it too’. As if I’m supposed to know what that means.”

              “Well, what do you think he felt? Is there anything you felt that was out of the ordinary?” Leia inquired.

              “I don’t know what he felt. He said it like it was such a matter-of-fact thing. I –” She stopped herself to think. She looked around the room as if something in there would help her think clearer. “I felt like I knew him.” She turned back to Leia. “Like I had already met him, in a dream.” She scoffed. That was ironic. “It felt like there was an energy surrounding us.”

              “Alright, is that what you think _he_ felt?” Leia had her hands folded in front of her. Rey supposed she was trying to look as counsel-y as she could.

              “I don’t know. Maybe he felt the same thing. I don’t know.” She pulled up her knee to her chest and rested her chin on it.

              “Now, Poe said that Kylo Ren had hurt him, going into his mind. Did you – Was there –?” She looked like she was trying to hide a wince. It must be tough on her to think that her own son was capable of such destructive and sadistic acts.

              “No.” Rey shook her head. “It was only a little painful when I fought back, but he never purposefully made it painful. It just felt like there was some presence in my own head besides mine.”  Leia looked relieved.

              “Good, good.” She paused from looking at the floor to look at Rey again. “Now, I’m no Jedi, like Luke, but he did mention a Force bond. Maybe that could be what you both felt. The creation of this bond between the two of you.” She looked like she was gauging Rey’s reaction. When Rey didn’t budge, she continued. “That moment could have been the moment the Force decided to bind you two together, for better or for worse.”

              “And which do you think it is?” Leia smiled a bit and leaned back in her chair a little.

              “I think it’s for the better. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, but you give me hope. Hope that there may be a little bit left of my son.” There was a silence where they both let it set in. “Is there anything more recent you’d like to talk about?”

              “We had this shared dream last night.” Rey said the words slowly, enunciating each word as if she was trying to recount the event as thoroughly as possible. “He chased me, with his lightsaber, through Starkiller base, just like he had the night,” She paused and quickly looked away from Leia. Her cheeks were getting hot. “It had been destroyed.” It seemed like they both held their breath for a few seconds, knowing the implications of her words.

              “What else did he do?” She had regained her composure, even though it was never really lost in the first place.

              “He,” she said as her cheeks flushed, thinking of the memory. “He rescued me. I was falling, and he caught me.”

              Leia’s brow hitched. “He saved you?” She leaned in, morbid hopefulness in her eyes.

              “Yeah. He saved me.” Rey was clearly uncomfortable with it.

              “What else did he do? In the dream?” Leia sat back in her seat, attempting, and failing, to hide a razor thin smile behind her hand.

              “It wasn’t what else he did, it was what he said. He said he didn’t want to kill me. That he wanted ‘the exact opposite’.”

              “And do you believe him?”

              “I don’t know. He did rescue me, but he chased and fought me on Starkiller…” She trailed off. Leia could sense a different side to it.             

              “But?” She nudged her along.

              “But, he wanted to be my teacher.”

              “So, what if, and I’m just talking here, but what if he doesn’t want you dead? What happens then?” She had her hands back folded on top of her desk.

              “I don’t know. It makes me feel vulnerable.” She shivered a little bit.

              “Kylo Ren-” She stopped herself and closed her eyes. Through gritted teeth she said, “My _son-_ ” She was trying her best to shake off the persona of the General. “He always had these obsessions. He was obsessed with model ships when he was little. We couldn’t buy enough of them for him. Every time his dad came home from a trip, he had to have a new ship for Ben. He took some of them in the bath with him to play with, he would stay up some nights just to look at them. Whenever someone would come over, they just _had_ to see his model ship collection. They were on shelves all over his wall. I thought it was cute when he was little, but now? I realize it was a darker part of his personality. I’m sure that if someone came and tried to take them, he would have defended them to the best of his little body’s ability.” She eyed Rey very carefully.

              “So you’re saying he’s obsessed with me?” There was an ever so slight panic in her voice.

              “What I’m saying is that it seems like he definitely has some sort of fascination with you. And, the way you’re making it sound, it sounds like he’s at least starting to get to the point when he would defend you to the best of his abilities.” She’s still eyeing Rey when Rey stands up and starts pacing.

              “So what should I do?” She puts her hand to her face. “I mean, he’s the enemy, isn’t he? I can’t be fraternizing with the enemy!” There was clear panic in her voice now, and Leia sat as calmly as she could.

              “Who said anything about fraternizing? Rey, you’re taking this harder than you should and you’re putting it all on yourself. You didn’t choose this, and no one is going to think of you any differently. No one that can’t be convinced otherwise, anyway. You’ve got good friends on this base. Friends that would vouch for you in a heartbeat. Don’t panic.” Her tone was soothing and Rey stopped pacing, but she looked like she was deep in thought. “Speaking of friends, what is it, Poe?” Leia turned her face towards the door as a slightly flustered Poe came into the room.

              “Just came in here to give you these reports, ma’am.” He looked back and forth between Rey and the General.

              “Alright. I’ll look over them in the afternoon.” She looks at Rey briefly, and then back to Poe.

              _I’m sorry._

              Rey hears a voice right before the pain starts. She lets out a stifled cry and immediately sits back down in her chair. Her eyes closed, she doesn’t notice Poe rushing to her side and Leia standing up.

              “General, I’ll take her to the medbay.” He starts to use her arm to ease her up when she speaks through clenched teeth.

              “No. Take me to my quarters.” She barely gets it out before another wave of pain hits.

              Poe looks at the General for guidance. He doesn’t know what to do.

              “Take her to her quarters, Poe. The medbay can’t help her at this point.” Leia looks immensely worried, and she motions for Poe to take her and leave. “Room 137, right past the barracks.”

              “Yes ma’am.” He nods and wraps Rey’s arm around his shoulder and his arm around her waist as she hoists her up on her feet. The large amount of her slight weight pressed onto Poe, he leads her out of Leia’s office and into the hallway. She’s still making stifled sounds as he practically carries her to her room.

              They’re almost to her room when they run right into Finn. Rey hardly notices, but she can hear his voice when he rushes to them.

              “Poe, what happened?!” He’s panicked.

              “She’s having another episode. The General ordered me to take her to her room.” He adjusts her weight on him.

              “Let me do it.” They switch places quickly and Finn tells Poe, “It’s okay, I’ve got her.” They share a quick nod before Finn starts walking her towards her room.

              As soon as they get into her quarters, Finn lays her down as gently as possible. He pulls up a chair and holds her hand.

              “You can go, Finn,” she said painfully.

              “No. I’m not leaving you.” Rey tried to smile at him but it broke off in a pained look.

              After a few agonizing minutes, the pain passed. Rey looked pale and Finn still held her hand. When she made a move to sit up, Finn helped her and got her a glass of water.

              “You look pale, Rey.” He looked her over, concerned. “We should get you some food.” She looked up at him as if to say he was right. “Want me to carry you to the cantina?” He’s already making a move to pick her up when she puts her hand out to stop him.

              “No. Just help me walk.”

              Finn takes her to the cantina and gets her some food.  She fully recovers in the next couple of hours and they’re back to talking back and forth like old friends.

              Rey’s still worried, though, about how Finn will perceive her when he eventually finds out. She knows she can’t hide it from him forever, and she knows there will have to be a conversation about it at some point, but she hopes its not soon. She doesn’t know how anyone will react, really. She and Finn were good friends, but they were still new friends, and, because of that, they didn’t know each other that well. In time, maybe she could gauge his reaction before she tells him, but she wasn’t sure. She just wanted to enjoy the peace while she had it.

              Even more importantly, she wanted to enjoy the peace before she had to come to terms with the fact that Kylo Ren had apologized for indirectly hurting her. She didn’t want to realize the implications, but Leia’s words echoed in her head. _He would defend you to the best of his abilities._ It sent chills down her spine. But that was for later. Right now was for Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. It was a little difficult to write, but I got through it so that I could present it to you before the week ran out.  
> Next chapter is all about Kylo. Rey went to Leia after their dream, but who will Kylo go to? And what will that person say? Stick around to find out!


	13. All Will Be Revealed in Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here! Have some Kylo interacting with his grandfather! I hope you enjoy!

Kylo wakes up from his dream and sits up in bed. _So, the Supreme Leader is going behind my back._ _No,_ he thought as he shook his head. _I can’t question him. He knows what he’s doing. He is wise. All will be revealed in time._ He flings his legs over the side of his bed and stands up, slightly swaying. He isn’t used to sleeping for so long and he feels groggy. Walking over to the set of drawers on the wall, he pulls out his outfit. Inner tunic, outer tunic, pants, everything. He lays them on the bed and then goes into the refresher to wash off. After taking a shower, he shaves and washes his face. Looking in the mirror, he looks paler, sullener.

              He puts on his outfit and dons his crown, his helmet. He walks into the back room in his quarters. One of the many things that separates his room from everyone else’s. There, on a pedestal, stands one of his most treasured possessions.     

              “Grandfather,” Kylo says as he sits in front of his forefather’s burnt helmet. “I know I have done nothing wrong. I know that I have done nothing that the Supreme Leader would frown upon. I didn’t reveal his plan. I didn’t tell her what he was doing.” He clenches his fists and rests his elbow on his knee. “I don’t even know what he’s doing. How could I have told her? I-” He takes a big breath. “I have done nothing wrong. Yet I feel responsible for some act I have no committed. I feel as if I have to hide from the Supreme Leader.”

              He started feeling like this the moment Rey left him in the snow in the dream. A wave of guilt spread through him, and he wasn’t sure who it was being aimed towards. Was he ashamed of the Supreme Leader? Because of what he was doing to Rey? Or was he ashamed for something he’s done with Rey? He wasn’t sure. In reality, it was most likely a mixture of both, but he couldn’t place it. The most he could do is sit on it and hope it makes sense at some point.

              “She was worried that I would make her my slave.” Although the thought of her being subservient was appealing to him, the thought of her independent, magnificent, and fighting by his side was more so. He scoffed. “As if I would try and reign her in. I want her to feel the power you have helped give me. If only she would listen. If only she could _know_.” He was starting to become obsessed with her, and he knew it. And he knew it would be harder to stop the further in he got, but he didn’t care. The idea of her being as free as he felt was reward enough for that not to matter to him.

“Grandfather, I feel as though I’m starting on a new path. I don’t feel the same as I did before Starkiller fell. I can’t place it.” He looks down, as if ashamed, but then looks back up at the helmet. “Give me strength, Grandfather. Help me get past this light that has tempted me. I will not fail you. Not again.”

              He stands up and walks out of the room. A new determination to sway Rey was occupying his mind. But first, he needed to see the Supreme Leader. He spent the time walking to the chamber on board the Finalizer perfecting his resolve, so that all the shame and guilt he felt in front of his grandfather would melt away. He couldn’t afford to have the Supreme Leader become suspicious of him.

              He opens the chamber doors and steps into the large room. Almost immediately, the image of Snoke became visible, and he was speaking.

              “My star pupil. How did training go?” He was getting right to the point. Kylo could respect that.

              “She’s powerful. Agile. She easily evaded me, but was unbalanced. She needs more training.”

              “Then training she will have! You will be sleeping every night from now on. I want you to train her to the best of your ability and beyond. We cannot afford more time.” Snoke slammed his fist down on the arm of his chair.

              “She needs _direct_ training, Supreme Leader. _Real_ training. She needs to be taught in person.” He was pleading with Snoke. Of course, he was able to effectively teach Rey through their dreams. But it would further his goal if she were there beside him.

              “Is what you’re doing _not_ real training, Kylo Ren?” His brow was hitched and the look down he gave Kylo was chillingly cold.

              “Of course it is real training. But I would much prefer her here, on the Finalizer.” He knew the Supreme leader knew this, but he felt it needed to be said anyway,

              “All in good time.” He moved his hand from his chair arm to his chin.

              “You have a plan?” This got Kylo’s attention.

              “All will be revealed in time.” This was unsatisfactory for Kylo, but he had no say in the matter. He just had to wait until the time was right and Snoke felt like telling him the master plan. “Now, what else do you have to report. And, keep in mind that I will find out anything you do not tell me.”

              Kylo doesn’t know why Snoke bothers to even ask him, when he knows he’s just going to rummage through his mind anyway. Maybe it was a way to keep himself subservient to Snoke. To put him in a powerless position. But that couldn’t be true. Snoke did everything for Kylo’s benefit, and he always had a reason for his actions.

              “No, Supreme Leader.”

              “Good. Now kneel.”

              Kylo does as he says. He knows what’s coming, and what it most likely means for Rey, but he knows he can’t stop it even if he wanted to. _I’m sorry._ He sent it softly, trying to add as much feeling into it as possible. He wanted her to know that he wasn’t responsible. He didn’t need her associating the pain with him. He didn’t know when he started to care so much about what she thought of him. He was supposed to be her teacher, not her friend. But there it was anyway.

              Snoke crashed through any barrier Kylo would possibly have up. He rifles through each memory of the night before. He starts with Kylo stalking Rey, and Kylo can see them in his own mind as well. He’s reliving them through the review of Snoke. HE seems himself staring at her through the trees, knowing what he was thinking at the time. He sees himself ignite his saber, and he sees clearly the look of terror on her face. For some reason, he flinches at that this time instead of reveling in it. He sees himself slash at her, driving her back into the natural corridor. He sees as she takes a step too far backwards and how quickly he made the decision to save her. It was instantaneous.

              He watched as Snoke reviewed their conversation rapidly. Suddenly, it’s over, and Kylo is silently catching his breath. The Supreme Leader withdraws from his mind and takes on a stance of wonderment.

              “Interesting. Very Interesting.” He raises his hand. “Stand, Kylo Ren.” Kylo stands. “It would see that there is something new developing with this bond. It is growing. You allowed your weakness to get the better of you in your dream.”

              “With your guidance, I can rid myself of all weakness, Supreme Leader.” He looks forward, instead of up at his master.

              “It is your weaknesses that failed you at Starkiller. It is your weakness that gave you that scar.” He points to Kylo’s face. “Not the scavenger. She was merely taking advantage of you. You are weak, Kylo Ren. Weak and pathetic.” Kylo keeps his head held high, seemingly unaffected by his master’s beratement. “Prove me wrong.” He leans back in his chair. “Show me that you are more than the fragile boy I see before me.”

              “I will do whatever it takes.” There was nothing more he could say.

              “Good” Snoke waved his hand. “Now go. Continue your training and the search for the Resistance base.”

              “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

              The image of Snoke dissipates and Kylo is left alone in the room. He turns around and exits, heading to the bridge. Somewhere in the back of his head, he hopes Rey is okay. A couple of hours later, he can feel her happiness radiate through him. When he feels it, it seems like he let go of a breath he was holding ever since he left the chamber. But she was safe, and that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading my fic. It means a lot to me. Drop a kudos if it gave you any joy whatsoever, and if you hated it, by all means, give me a comment telling me why. I love you all. Thank you.


	14. We're On Your Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more Rey POV! This chapter was a little difficult to write. I kept stopping then starting again. But it's finished, and I hope you enjoy!

Rey wakes up. She’s still exhausted from yesterday, but she feels okay. After Finn took her to the cantina, it took a while for her to get the food settled in her system enough to feel okay again. But after she started perking up, they had a great time. Poe even came in and joined them, dropping in to make sure Rey was okay. She had appreciated it, but now she was just ready to get back into routine. She had skipped training yesterday in order to see Leia and she wasn’t about to shirk today, too.

              She got up and got dressed, and she headed to the cantina once again. After getting some, albeit late, breakfast, she headed to the room at the edge of the base in order to train with Master Luke.

              When she got there, Luke was already waiting. The look on his face said that he was glad to see her, but that he was concerned.                     

              “I’m glad you showed up today. I was worried yesterday when you didn’t show, but then Leia caught up to me.” His face went a little dark, but then went back to normal. He looked at the ground briefly, but then looked back up at her. “How are you feeling, Rey?”

              “I don’t really want to talk about it right now.” She couldn’t make heads or tails of that voice in her head, apologizing to her, so she’d rather just keep it to herself a little bit longer.

              “Fair enough. We can talk about it when you’re ready. Right now, I want you to take your lightsaber and go through your forms.” He put his hands in his sleeves and stood back to watch her.

              “Alright.” She unhooked her saber from her belt and got into a wide stance, readying herself for her first form. It was a mixture between yoga and some form of martial arts and required a lot of concentration, but she didn’t mind it. Most days, it helped her to clear her head, and that’s exactly what she needed right now.

              She starts to move forward, making fluid motions with her saber as she goes, but she gets off-balance right at the end. She tries again. Move forward, move the saber side to side, and again, she gets off-balance. This starts to frustrate her, something that does nothing good for concentration.

              “Try again, Rey. It’s okay if you don’t get it the first time. It’s been a while since I’ve had you do these.” He brings one of his hands out of his robe in order to stroke his chin.

              Rey looks back at her saber and puts determination in the forefront of her mind. Trying again, she almost gets it, but again, almost falls at the end. She collects herself, walks back to the far end of the room, and does it again. And again. The second time, she doesn’t even make it halfway through her form before she almost tumbles. The third time, it’s again in the middle of the form that she nearly falls.

              “Move your left foot a little more to the left.” A helpful voice rings in her ears. And for a second, she was going to obey it, but then she realized who it could only be. She pauses.

              “What?” She wasn’t just going to blindly follow him. In what way had he proven himself to her? In what way could she trust him?

              “Just trust me.” The voice sounded a little exasperated. It occurred to her his past words. _I’ve never lied to you._ So, reluctantly, she does as he says and moves her left food a little to the left, and she gets through the form without incident.

              “I did it!” she thinks. She smiles and Luke hitches his eyebrow.

              “Good job, Rey. Now try some of your other forms.” Luke leans against a box.

              “You did beautifully,” the voice of Kylo Ren said. “If only Skywalker could have taught you how to properly do it.”

              That made Rey’s good feelings turn sour. She may be tolerating _him_ , but she would _not_ tolerate him bad-mouthing Luke.

              “You. You get out of my head. I don’t need you. I was doing fine on my own.” She turned around so Luke couldn’t see her face. She didn’t know what kind of emotion she’d give away on her face.

              “Clearly. I could hear you trip halfway across the galaxy!” The voice, despite sounding upset, was amused. Rey could feel the amusement filter through the bond.

              “Well, _thank you,_ but I don’t need your help.” The _thank you_ was meant sarcastically, but she could feel the voice perk up a little when she said it.

              “You wouldn’t _need_ me at all if Skywalker was a competent teacher. It’s a wonder you even get any training at all.”

              “Get out!” The voice was lingering in her head, and it was starting to annoy her. She wanted him out. She didn’t want to hear any more about Master Luke.

              “Alright, then. I won’t help you.” The voice slowly retreated from her mind.

              “Good.” As soon as she felt the voice retreat all the way, she gets back to her forms. The next one is a little more difficult, requires a little more footwork. She gets into stance and moves fluently through the first few steps, but when she gets to the place where she needs to twist her foot to face the other way, her foot catches on her other foot and she tumbles. Growling in defeat, she gets back up and tries again to no avail.

              “Don’t watch your feet. _Feel_ the ground with them, through them. If you moved your right foot a little to the left, you wouldn’t fall.” There was that pseudo-helpful voice again.

              “I thought you weren’t helping.” She said through the bond.

              “I wasn’t. I was just making sure you didn’t fall and hurt _both_ of us. It was in self-interest.”

              That stung Rey a little bit. The notion that Kylo wasn’t helping her to help her, that he was helping her to help himself. It felt wrong, and it felt disingenuous. And completely against whatever Leia had told her yesterday. Was he just looking out for himself?

              “Fine.” It’s all she could think of to say on the spot.

              She does as he says. She lets the Force flow through her and into her feet. Once she was connected to the ground, she did better. She moved her right foot a little to the left, and when she crossed over, she had successfully turned around without fault.

              Instead of rejoicing this time, however, she creased her brow. Why hadn’t Luke caught that? Why didn’t he tell her that her foot placement was wrong or suggest that she use the Force to connect to the earth? Did he not notice? No, that couldn’t be it. He was too wise, too powerful. Although, Rey had only heard legends of how powerful he was. She realized that she had never actually seen him demonstrate his power. She didn’t – couldn’t – know if he was out of touch or not. But surely, that wasn’t it. Did he just not care? Was he purposefully not teaching her what she needed to know? This seemed more likely to Rey, but it just didn’t feel right. Something was off.

              “Rey?” This time the voice was near her, in the same room with her. It was Luke, and he was looking at her with slight concern. “Is something troubling you? You seem distracted and upset.”

              “I think we should talk now, Master.” It was better to get this over with than prolong the inevitable. She reflected on how that thought held true for Luke, but it didn’t hold true for her two best friends. She was going to prolong the inevitable with them as long as she can. Rey wipes the sweat off her brow and walks over to Luke, hopping up on the large cargo sitting beside him.

              “Alright. What is it you want to talk about? What’s happening?” He looked at her intently.

Rey was acutely aware that the presence in her head, Kylo Ren, hadn’t left. He was still there, lurking. She didn’t know how he would react to what she was going to say, but she knew his response would possibly give her some answers.

“Snoke. I think Snoke is after me.” She had spent a lot of time thinking about it after she left Leia and spent time with Finn. It made a lot of sense. It would explain why she was having headaches, and it would help to explain why Kylo acted so weird when she told him about them. She could feel the voice inside her head wince with some sort of trepidation overlapping it. That answered her question. He quickly regained his composure and drew a little more out of her head, but he didn’t quite leave. She suspected he was just curious as to what was going to be said and knew he could possibly get some valuable intel. She wasn’t sure how, but she knew that if she really had to, she could push him out of her mind at a second’s notice. But right now, he was harmless, and so she let him stay there.

Luke sobers up and gets rid of the slump in his posture. He stands up straight and immediately, his eyes go wide.

“I need to get my sister. Excuse me. Stay here, Rey.”

“But –” She wasn’t sure if she wanted Leia to hear this, but, on second inspection, she realized it was probably for the best. She had more insight into Snoke than anyone else. Maybe she could help.

“No. She needs to hear this.” His hooded robe twirled in the sudden motion of Luke turning around so he could go get his sister. After a few minutes, he was back, with Leia in tow. When she walks in, she makes a bee-line for Rey, only stopping when she’s right in front of her. She grabbed Rey’s hands and gave her a kind smile and rubbed her thumbs over the back of her hand. It’s oddly comforting. She never had a mother, but she felt a kinship with Leia that she was grateful for.

“Tell me all you know, Rey.” The look in her eyes was urgent, but her overall demeanor was still kind.

“I’ve been having episodes.” The seriousness of the atmosphere trips her up a bit, but she manages to get out that sentence. The voice in her head kept constant. No discerning emotions, just a stoic presence.

“Like the one you had in my office.” It was a statement, not a question, but Rey felt the need to confirm the statement.

“Yes. But –” She looks back and forth between Luke and Leia, noting that their faces looked so much more similar when they were concerned. Leia gives a reaffirming slight squeeze to her hands to urge her on. “But I can’t feel Kylo. He’s not in pain, like he was the first few times. He’s not there at all.” Guilt again filled her head from his side of the bond. Anger was bubbling just under the surface. She hoped the subject would change soon.

              Leia’s eyes linger on Rey for a few seconds, and then they shift to her brother. “Did you know about this?” He voice is hushed.

              “No.” He looks sad, like maybe he blames himself for whatever is happening to her.

              “Rey, what else do you know?” Her stare returns to Rey.

              “In my dream on Starkiller,” she paused. Luke looked at Leia confused, and Rey realized that she had only told Leia and not Luke. Kylo brushes a little. He’s clearly amused by the fact that she hadn’t told him, but when realization set in, he was confused as to why she would tell his mom.

              “I’ll fill you in later,” is all that Leia said before she gave Rey another look to move along with her explanation.           

              “In my dream,” she reiterated. “I told Kylo about the headaches, the episodes. He got all stiff and unresponsive. He wouldn’t tell me what caused them. He acted strange.”

              Leia’s breath catches in her throat. She turns to Luke again. “That means he knows something. Rey, how long have these episodes been going on?”

              “A few days now, I think. I’ve only had a couple of them.” She felt like she was caught in the crossfire of a police investigation. It was uncomfortable. She could feel that Kylo was uncomfortable, as well. He clearly didn’t like where this was going. Rey was curious as to why he hadn’t fully retreated by now. She would have thought that he didn’t want to even hear from his mother.

              “And this dream was two nights ago?” She stared steadily at Rey until she nodded. She never lost eye contact. “Listen to me, Rey. No matter how strong his pull, no matter how my son may entice you or how Snoke may bribe you, you cannot give into him.” The atmosphere was ten times as serious now as it was. Rey began to feel a little claustrophobic, being in such close quarters with two people and not a lot of room to breathe.

              “I wasn’t planning to! I –” She was frightened, and the reassuring look that Leia gave her wasn’t enough to keep her anxieties down. If they thought that she would give into Snoke, and go over to his side, then why were they trying to help her? But she thinks back to how she had obeyed Kylo when he told her to move her feet. And his proposition was enticing, she couldn’t deny that. “I had no intentions to give into him.” Was that betrayal she was picking up from his emotions? It felt as though he was upset for her saying that. Why? He must know by now that she won’t give in. Not to him and not to Snoke.

              “Good. It’s important that you keep us involved. We need to know if Snoke tries anything else. In return, you have our full confidentiality. We won’t tell anyone about any of this. Not that we were going to anyway, I just want you to know that we’re on your side.” Kylo snickered and Rey gave him a shove. She could tell he thought about shoving back, but figured it wasn’t worth his time. “I will not let you suffer the same fate as my son.” Rey couldn’t tell what emotion was stronger out of all the ones Kylo was displaying right then. She could sense anger, maybe at her calling him her son? She could also sense a feeling of guilt and remorse. She wondered if he ever felt ashamed for what he’s done. He picked up on her train of thought and seemed to remember that she could feel all his emotions and he quickly retreated into his own mind. Rey was alone with herself again.

              Rey believed Leia. She was genuine in a way she had never seen in a human before. Leia gets places her hands on one of Rey’s and she smiles.

              “I’ll let you get back to training.” She looks back at Luke and he nods. He was a looming presence during the entire conversation. He never really spoke, he just observed. Rey thought it was funny how he and Kylo had that in common. Leia turns around and leaves.

              “Go back to your forms and practice those two again. After that, you can go back to your quarters.” Luke won’t seem to make eye contact with Rey, and she’s not sure why. She can’t feel his emotions like she can Kylo’s, but she imagines that he’s in a lot of emotional pain. She feels sorry for him, for all of the weight he has to carry on his shoulders.

              She practices those forms again, being careful to heed Kylo’s teachings. Why, she doesn’t know. But he helped her when he didn’t have to. Granted, that may be for selfish reasons, of which Rey was saddened by, but he might have also done it because he wants to see her succeed. She didn’t know what to think at this point. He had warned her about the live wire too. Something for which he was definitely grateful. But why did he do it? She goes through her forms and then goes back to her room once Luke dismisses her. She would have to leave those questions unanswered for now. Hopefully, they would be answered with time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm really starting to have fun with this story, and I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am. I know it's not the best, but it's all about having fun, right?  
> Please leave any comments you might have, whether good or bad. They're all appreciated.


	15. Rey Helps Kylo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was incredibly fun to write. The banter between Kylo and Rey is always fun, but this one was a treat. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Skywalker. He was purposefully botching Rey’s training. He had to be. He may be weak, but he was still powerful. He still should know how to make it through simple forms. Did he not want Rey to succeed? Was he purposefully holding her back? This thought infuriated him. It wasn’t a surprise to him, but it fueled his resolve to train her in person. Did Skywalker not trust his pupil? That would be rich. But a thought occurred to him. What if he was holding her back because he was afraid of her turning out like Kylo? He knew how Skywalker would come to that conclusion. Rey was prone to anger and she had a reckless spirit. She would never become a Jedi, and he knew that Skywalker knows this. He should also know that she would never become a sith. But If that was the case, and he did fear Rey becoming another Ben Solo, why train her at all? Why take that risk? He didn’t know what kind of game he was playing, but he was obviously one step ahead.

              No, Rey would never become a Jedi, yet she would never be like Kylo. Even though he sensed that their destinies intertwined, he didn’t know where that intersection was. He knew he was right where he wanted to be, and he knew that, on some level, Rey wasn’t where she wanted to be. She had no true loyalty to the Resistance, just to the people there. Rey, with her light and her anger, would never become what was expected of her, but she would become a great Force-wielder. One that would rival and even surpass himself.

              Kylo wasn’t a sith, but he wasn’t anywhere near a Jedi. He never had been. He was somewhere in between the two, walking in the dark but with his heart in the light. He tried every day to pull it back into the dark, but he always failed. No matter how hard he tried, it was one problem he hasn’t been able to solve. One day, he would be able to walk fully into the darkness, and it would consume him. He longed for that day. He longed to please his master. But he also longed for the light. Specifically for _Rey’s_ light. He wanted her by his side, but he wasn’t sure if that was possible. She was the other side to Kylo’s coin. As close as she was to the light, he was close to the dark. They were opposites and they complemented each other perfectly.

              Maybe he could find a balance with Rey. Maybe he could find some form of peace. If he joined with her, and they became a team, her light and his dark could provide him with everything he needed. He could feed off her light instead of creating his own. She had the potential to corrupt him, and he supposed that’s what the Supreme Leader had warned about. It was a tempting thought to Kylo, but he threw it from his mind.

              What he need to focus on right now wasn’t his imaginary scenario where he wasn’t in pain constantly and Rey was by his side; he needed to focus on his training. He got dressed, anticipating the day. He believed it would just be one-on-one practice with Surek.

              He walked over to the door’s panel and pressed the button which should open it. Instead of opening, however, it sparked and then died. He pressed on the panel again, but nothing happened. Frustrated, he takes off his gloves to look around it to see if he can find the source of the blackout. The entire panel is dead, so there’s no way to contact Hux to have him send down a repairman, and there’s no way to open the door without some sort of tinkering.

              He thinks about just taking his lightsaber and thrusting it through the door, having someone come and repair it later, but he doesn’t want to have someone in his room. It would no doubt take some time to get a new door up and running, and that was time he just didn’t have to babysit some repairman who is just doing his or her job. So, He de-robes so he can more easily work around the panel until all he has on is his pants and arm guards, whose straps are overlapping on his back.

              He grabs the standard toolkit that was stored underneath his bed and opens it. It was very sparse, only having a few things that looked helpful. Kylo remembered a little bit from his childhood, but he didn’t remember much, and he doubted it would really help him in this situation.

              He takes the driver and opens the panel. He figures he’s better start there. It was most likely an internal issue and not a ship-wide, or section-wide, issue. He checks to see if any wires are frayed first, being careful to not pull any of the wires out or accidentally dislodge one of them. He thinks he sees something in the back, and if his memory serves him well, he thinks this wire should be in the other slot. So, he pulls, and immediately, the room goes dark. He groans in frustration, cursing himself and his memory

              He needs to find something to illuminate the area, and his lightsaber was on hand, so he thumbed it on and held it as close to the panel as possible without touching it. He’s still holding the loose wire in his other hand. He thinks once more about ramming his lightsaber through the door, cutting a hole big enough for him to walk through, but a voice comes to him.

              “That’s completely unnecessary. Put that wire back where you find it.”             

              “You were listening in on me?” He grumbles it through the bond.

              “I got bored and you were projecting.” She said it in a matter-of-fact tone.

              “And?” Silence. It took several seconds for her to respond.

              “And, I thought I could pay you back for yesterday.” Instead of a sure tone, it was said a little more timidly, as if she just now came up with the reason for why she was doing this.

              “Ah. I see. So you acknowledge that I did help you and that Skywalker did not?” He was going to milk that for all it was worth.

              “Don’t push it.” He knew he couldn’t take it any further than that. Still, he needed to point out that Skywalker hasn’t helped her like she thinks he has. There was another few seconds of silence. “And he has a name, you know. It’s Luke.”

              “That name means nothing to me,” said Kylo nonchalantly. He was concentrating more on figuring out where the wire went.

              “I’m sure it doesn’t. Just like Han meant nothing.” She said it as nonchalantly as he had said his last words, but as soon as he heard that name, Kylo went rigid. Rey could almost feel how stiff he was. Anger and confusion washed over both as Kylo went through his emotions. He seemed to be attempting to rein it all in, but he was failing. There was no disguising that sense of failure and confusion over his own acts.             

              “Don’t you have training to do?” He was trying to change the subject. He didn’t want to talk about Han Solo with anyone, much less Rey. She had thought of him as a father, and he was probably a better one to her than he was to Ben Solo. Collecting himself after waves of agony, he diverted the conversation.

              “That’s my next job, after this one.” There was a playful sigh on her end of the bond.

              “What job?” Kylo asked.

              “Making sure you don’t make matters worse by pulling out wires you don’t need to be pulling out.” Again, there was a slight playfulness in her words, though the tone was exasperated and tired. Kylo could feel some sort of light-heartedness in her, but he couldn’t find the source.

              Kylo finally finds the place where he thinks the wire goes. It’s hard to see with just his lightsaber illuminating the area, but he pushes the plug into the socket and the lights immediately come back on.

              “Alright, good. Now take the vibroblade in your toolkit and cut the red wire in the front and to your left.” All playfulness was gone from her. She sounded like a proper teacher. “Once you’ve done that, cut the blue wire immediately to its right. Put on those gloves you have and–”

              “Slow down. I can only do things so fast.” He was in the process of cutting the red wire.

              “Alright.” She waited until he had cut the blue wire also. “Now, put on those gloves and grab that electric tape. Cross the red and blue wires together and tape them together so that there’s no exposed wire.”

              He did as she said. “What now?”

              “Nothing. You should be finished. Screw the panel back on and everything should be back to normal.” There was a confidence in her voice that Kylo couldn’t help but to admire.

              He put the panel back on and everything lit up. It seemed to be in working order.

              “Who’s the teacher now, Kylo?” She was smug. Kylo hoped she could feel him roll his eyes.

              “Thank you, Rey.” It was genuine. He didn’t know how much he would have messed up had she not been there. He knew a thing or two about the Falcon, but he didn’t know a thing about the Finalizer. It was sad, really.

              “You’re welcome.” A moment passed between the two. It was awkward, but it was sweet. They were both appreciative of the other. The moment didn’t last long, however. “I’m going to go train. Good luck on…whatever it is you do.”

              “Thanks.” She immediately left his mind.

              There was nothing else to do except to get dressed again and go up to the bridge, and that’s exactly what he did. When he walks into the room, he immediately notices the sense of fear everyone has. He wonders why that is until he sees Hux. It was easy to read his emotions. He was upset, clearly. He walked up behind the red-haired man and stared out into the abyss.

              “You’re late.” He was _very_ upset.

              “So it would seem.” Kylo knew he was more important than this man standing beside him, but he also knew he had to humor him. Hux walked closer to him and stared up at him, as if he was trying to make eye contact. Kylo never turned his head.

              “You told me to look at that planet. You told me they would be on that planet.” He was losing his strict demeanor a little and Kylo didn’t exactly know why. There was obviously something that Hux wasn’t telling him.

              “I told you it was a good candidate. I never promised that they would be on that planet. You thinking that saying it was a good candidate definitively meant something is your mistake, General, not mine.” He could feel the shorter man bristle. He hoped his subordinates heard what he had just said. He didn’t have much respect for Hux, and the little he did have was because of his ruthlessness and ambition. Hux straightened his uniform and stood taller than he had been before.

              “We need help locating the next candidate.” Kylo knew he had to swallow his pride to get out that one. He hoped he choked on it.

              “Fine. Have them sent to my room.” He turns around to leave.

              “Ren, you cannot possibly expect me to just send you the information and have you examine it elsewhere. We need results _now_.” He was starting to lose his demeanor again.

              Instead of responding to the man, Kylo continued to walk off the bridge. He was imagining the red, hot blush that was no doubt creeping onto his face. He goes back to his quarters and sits down. He stares at the panel, wondering where Rey is and what she’s doing. She had mentioned training, but that’s all that Kylo knew.

              He looks over a few of the planets. A couple were bad ideas. They were either too close to imperial space, or they were too far out for it to be convenient. There were a couple he saw that could possibly hold the giant Resistance base. He sent those back to the bridge with a few annotations, but he left it mostly sparse. _Where are you hiding, Rey?_ He was determined to find out. He would either get it out of her at some point, or he would make a lucky guess and happen upon her.

              Regardless, he had missed training. He’d make up for it tomorrow. He would sit in his room for a while, maybe walk around the Finalizer for a bit. All the while, he was thinking about Rey. She didn’t have to do what she did earlier that day. She could have just let him handle it (badly). But she didn’t. Instead, she chose to help him. He didn’t know what it meant exactly, but he was thankful for it. The closer he got to her, the closer he got to the Resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! The next couple of chapters will be shorter, but they're already finished, so be looking out for those a couple of days after this one comes out. As always, leave any comment you want! I love you guys. Thanks for supporting me.


	16. Kylo Teaches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some more banter between our two favorite Star Wars characters! This is a shorter chapter, but more are on the way. I promise.

It’s a day after Rey helped Kylo with his room’s panel. She doesn’t regret helping him, she feels good about helping him. But that concerned her. Why was she helping him? Just like she had mentioned yesterday, he killed Han. She shouldn’t be helping him, in any way, shape, or form, yet there she was, teaching him how to fix his panel. She shook her head and kept walking towards her training room. She had practiced yesterday, and all she did was go through her forms again. This time, she didn’t fail. She even practiced a new form, and, by thinking about what Kylo had taught her on the last two forms, she was able to get through it most of the time without falling. She was making progress.

              “Rey, good morning!” Luke looked a little more cheerful than normal. “How did you sleep?”

              “I slept alright. Nothing big happened.” It was the truth. It wasn’t a night where she had shared a dream with Kylo.

              “Good, good. Today, I want you practicing on your forms again.” He was entirely serious. Rey groaned inwardly.

              “Alright.” She got into position.

              Going through her forms slowly at first, she kept getting faster and faster. After her second form, she began to grow weary. Why was Luke making her do these stupid forms? She realized they were important, but she wanted to learn more about the Force. She wanted to hone her skill in those mind tricks and in feeling those around her. She wondered why Luke was doing this. Did he not think she could handle it? Was he holding her back? She didn’t like the thought of that. Luke would never do that. Not to her. He believed in her. He had been there for her.

              She wanted to learn more. She longed for information about how she could get into Kylo’s head. She was growing tired of doing what Luke told her to do. She wanted to do what _she_ wanted to do. But she knew that wasn’t a viable option right now. Luke must know what he’s doing if he’s making her do this. There must be a reason. So, she continued. But, in the back of her mind, she still wished she could learn something more practical.

              “If only Skywalker wasn’t a fragile old man, he could teach you what you need to know.” Kylo whispered into the bond. His tone was matter-of-fact. There was no hint of smugness or haughtiness. But there was a little bit of anger. Rey wondered why.

              “I’m sure he has a reason for making me do this. I just have to master it first, and then I can move on.” She wasn’t going to let him be aware that she had thought the same things only minutes before.          

              “Alright, then master it. I know you can. So do it.” He was antagonizing her, clearly. Baiting her.

              “It’s not like that. It takes time, patience.” She was calm.

              “I never had time for patience. I was always ready for the next lesson, and you’re the same way.”

              “You don’t know anything about me.” She was losing her calm demeanor.

              “I know you more than you think I do. Your mind is an open book to me.” She scoffed at that.

              “Yeah, until I ruined your torture session.” She suppressed a shudder at the thought. She was faltering at her forms. She couldn’t concentrate.

              “You think that was a torture session? Rey, I never had any intentions of torturing you. You were my guest. Not my prisoner.” She couldn’t tell if the sincerity she was feeling wafting off him was real or not.

              “Right. Like you were just going to put me back where you found me after you were finished with me.” There was a silence that confirmed Rey’s suspicions. “That’s what I thought.”

              “Pull your right foot in a little more and stand up straight.” She immediately did what he said. She didn’t know why. “Now, do your form again.” 

              Rey rolls her eyes.

              “Rey? Is something wrong?” Master Luke is staring at her quizzically. He gets up off the box he was sitting on and takes a step towards her.

              “No, Master. I’m fine.” She immediately goes back to her form.

              “Interesting,” said Kylo.

              “Shhhh.” Rey didn’t want to hear him talking right now. She wanted to get through her training and then meet Finn and Poe at the cantina.

              “So, you’re keeping me from him? Why?” He was clearly amused.

              “It’s none of your business. Now go away.”

              “It concerns me.” She didn’t know why he cared so much.

              “Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s your business.” She was starting to get a little more annoyed now.

              “If I had to guess, I’d say you were tired of all this attention I’m bringing you and that you’re anxious as to how this all plays out. Right now, only two people know, but that could change at any time if you’re not careful, and you know it.” She can’t help it. She stops mid-form.

              “How do you know that?” If she wasn’t annoyed before, she was now.

              “I get glimpses sometimes, when you’re not being careful.” He wasn’t trying to hide it from her. He wasn’t lying to her. She found that his statement was perfectly genuine, and she wondered why he was being so honest.

              “It’s still none of your business!” She didn’t care that he knew, really. She just cared that he was bothering her with it. She didn’t like that he knew so much about her. She didn’t like that he could get in her head almost whenever he wants to.

              “Even so, I still know it.”

              “Piss off.”

              “Alright, fine. You’ve clearly had enough for today. Maybe tomorrow, Skywalker will teach you something worth knowing.” He retreated from her mind.

              She continued with her forms, thinking about his words all the while. Was he right? Did he have a good point? Again, she asked herself why Luke wasn’t teaching her more important things. She thought she would have learned more by now. She clearly wasn’t very good at the forms, but she thought that maybe they were a stepping stone to actual combat. Maybe if she mastered the forms, she’d be able to learn the fighting techniques more easily. But, she told herself, she had no guarantee that it was a stepping stone at all. As far as she was aware, he would make her continue them forever.

              Master Luke wasn’t doing anything diabolical. He was just doing what he thought was right. That’s all. There was no plot against her, and she had to remind herself that. She’ll do as he says and hope for the best. Still, she can’t help but to admit that she’s restless. She doesn’t know how much longer she can handle it before she snaps. Maybe she’ll get to do some more training with the plants at some point. She didn’t know what was in store for her, but she would wait and see how it plays out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot. Leave a kudos if you really liked it, or you can send me a comment telling me why you didn't really like it. Both are good.  
> Next time on Go Back To Sleep: Kylo Spies on Rey!


	17. Kylo Spies on Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon everyone! I know it's been a while since I last updated. School is kicking my ass right now, but not to worry! The next chapter should be coming out soon. In the mean time, enjoy this update!

Surek pounds over the top of Kylo’s head, relentlessly attempting to push him back. He, of course, doesn’t succeed nearly as much as he hoped. Kylo is surprisingly good at taking the blows and deflecting the energy. He’s good at combat, and none of his Knights would ever be able to surpass him. They didn’t get to see much action, but they were really only there for Kylo’s gain. Of course, they weren’t aware of that.

              Kylo exploits a weakness in Surek’s defenses and pushes him back further than he had pushed back Kylo. Kylo gets into an offensive stance and walks forward towards Surek, his strides perfectly placed. Kylo jabs at Surek, and Surek blocks it. However, he doesn’t see Kylo’s position shift slightly to the left, and he swings again, this time making contact with Surek’s ribs. He flinches and the two start circling each other.

              Kylo starts to feel more light-hearted. He doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s the adrenaline pumping through his veins, the sweet smell of victory burning his senses. He ignores it, still circling Surek. He never makes the first move unless it’s the only option and he’s running out of time. In this case, he has all the time in the galaxy. So, he waits for Surek to make a wrong move or for him to try to land a blow first.

              Kylo anticipates a move to the right, trying to get his arm. He knows how Surek fights. Sure enough, moments later, he swings his sparring stick to the right, and Kylo quickly moves in that direction, but is stopped short. He hears laughter. It was the sweetest laughter he had ever heard, and it was enough of a distraction for Surek to land the blow to his arm. Kylo took it well and shook his head, trying to clear it so that he didn’t get hit again.

              Kylo moves this time, pounding him overhead and then making quick swings to the left and right. Surek deflects 90% of them, but Kylo doesn’t let up until he feels that same happiness again. It’s starting to consume him and he can’t concentrate. The laughter permeates his mind, not letting up, and Surek is able to land a blow yet again.

              “What’s with you, Kylo?” Surek says. “This isn’t like you.”

              Kylo moves towards the edge of the circle and grabs a towel to wipe his face with. He dabs the sweat away and then looks at Surek. “Go back to your quarters. Practice is finished for the day.”

              “What?” It was funny. Kylo could have sworn Surek had just questioned his authority.

              “I said,” Kylo says while pointing his sparring stick at Surek’s throat. “Practice is over for today.”

              Surek puts his hands up in defeat and grabs his own towel. He stares at Kylo as he turns his back and walks out the door.

              Kylo still feels the overwhelming happiness oozing from the bond. He wonders what she’s up to. At this point, he can only feel her happiness and hear her laughter. He can’t discern much else. When he gets back to his quarters, he sits down on his bed and concentrates.

              _Should I get the egg sandwich or the kalinnian noodles?_ He can finally hear her. It sounds like she’s deciding what she’s going to have for lunch. He didn’t know what emotion was bubbling up inside of him. He found her adorable in some way. He doesn’t know why he’s so fascinated. She ends up picking the noodles.

              She’s talking to someone, and he doesn’t know who. Right now, he can only pick up small things. A little bit of what she’s thinking and a little bit of what she’s saying, but that’s it. There are no clues as to who she’s talking to. Kylo thinks. Who would she be talking to? It occurs to him that FN-2187 is one of her so-called friends. Yes, the traitor. It makes sense that she would be talking to him. He seems to be making her laugh. She must really like him, and he didn’t know why. It stung him a little bit. Anyone who betrays their order is a coward. Who could love a coward? They’d run at the first sign of trouble.

              Kylo thinks, however, that FN-2187 must have thought he was doing the right thing. He got out because he thought it was morally right. He’s happy now. Kylo had no idea what true happiness felt like. He had felt it, he thinks, with Rey earlier. She had felt happiness and it had taken over his mind. It was a nice feeling, but he had never experienced it by himself. Kylo wishes he could feel it. He wishes that he could be free. He doesn’t have to be happy, he just wants to not be torn apart at the seams.

              The First Order was the only way to restore order to the galaxy. He had no other choice. He had made his path and he would stick with it; he couldn’t let the light get to him. He was incredibly unsuited for light-side teachings. He was too volatile. However, he was no better suited for dark-side teachings. He was in agony every time he practiced, but it was necessary. The Supreme Leader had shown him the way, taught him what he knows. Kylo will follow his lead into the dark.

              _I wish he would stop asking me if I’m alright._ Kylo’s ears perk up. That was Rey. And she was talking about the traitor. He became a little angry. How dare the traitor pester her. She deserved better. If she said she was okay, then she was okay. _It’s a little overbearing. He just won’t leave it alone, will he? Honestly, having Kylo in my head isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and I’m handling it just fine._ She didn’t hate him?

              Why did he want her approval? Why did he care if she hated him? He didn’t know, but he did care. He wanted her to like him, to be able to tolerate him training her. So far, the training was going fairly well, but he had no evidence that she didn’t hate him until now. She was strong, and she has incredible potential, more than anyone else he’s ever seen, but wanting her approval was ridiculous. She was definitely beautiful, the way she wielded a lightsaber. But she should have no power over him.

              “Wait, what?” She had heard him finally. Why was he projecting? He should have been more careful. “Kylo?” He realized he hadn’t answered her yes. There was no way around this, so he would have to confront her. He didn’t know how much she heard, after all.

              “Yes?” If he played this right, he could get away with whatever was said that she heard. He didn’t want her to have heard any of it.

              “I thought I heard you say…” She trailed off.

              “What? I didn’t say anything.” Smooth, Kylo.

              “Yeah. Right, okay.” She was obviously skeptical. “Now they’re _both_ being annoying.” She was clearly talking about himself and the traitor. He figured she didn’t mean to let him hear that,

              “Rey?”

              “Hm?” She was still talking to the traitor. She was distracted. That must be why her guards were down.

              “You’re projecting.”

              “Oh.” He wondered if she was blushing. Why was he wondering that?

              “You might want to keep an eye on that.” The irony was thick.

              “I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this if you would just stay out of my head.” Her tone was curt. Why was she lashing out?

              “Oh, now this is my fault?” He was in shock. Her tone had changed so quickly. She wasn’t happy anymore, and Kylo had this nagging feeling that it was because of him. He was incredibly bothered by that notion.

              “Yes, it’s your fault. You were the one who came after me,” she stopped abruptly. “Finn, I’m fine. Please stop asking. I have to go to training. I’ll see you later.”

              “I warned you about the traitor.” His anger was bubbling again.

              “What?” Rey said.

              “I said –”

              “Yeah, I know what you said. But you haven’t warned me about Finn. All you’ve done is call him a traitor. You haven’t said anything about warning me.” She was annoyed. Kylo didn’t like that he caused that. He wanted to apologize, but he didn’t know how to.

              “Finn. Is that what he’s calling himself now?”

              “That’s his name, yes. And none of this is your business anyway.” She was clearly angry at this point. He shouldn’t have listened to her laughing. He should have ignored it and kept practicing.

              “It’s your decision to have that traitor as your friend, but don’t blame me when he isn’t there for you when you need him. He’s a coward, first and foremost. He’ll leave at the first sign of trouble.” He couldn’t help himself. He didn’t want her to get hurt.

              “You don’t even know him!” Again, he felt guilty for making her angry.

              “I’ve read his thoughts, Rey. His first battle, he left. He’s a coward.”

              “I’m not talking to you.” No, this wasn’t going anywhere near how he wanted this to go.

              “Rey, no, wait,” he pleaded. There’s no response. He tries again. “Rey?” Again, all he gets is silence. It bothers him. He doesn’t like to make her unhappy. He wishes he didn’t care, and he wonders why he does. All he knows is that he won’t get any good sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next in line: Rey Plays with Plants Again


	18. Rey Plays With Plants Again

_How dare Kylo say those things about Finn. He doesn’t know him. He can’t make any judgements of someone he doesn’t even know!_ Rey was fuming over what Kylo had said about Finn. Finn has been nothing but a good friend. Since the moment she met him, Finn has been nothing but good to her. Granted, he did lie to her at first, but it wasn’t done maliciously. And yes, he ran away from her and wouldn’t finish what he started, but he was no coward. He had helped the Resistance after everything happened at Starkiller. He would never leave her. _But he doesn’t know about Kylo._ The thought occurred to her that she might know what he would do in a situation where Kylo Ren wasn’t involved, but she had no idea how he would react if she told him about the giant secret looming over her every move.

              Would he leave her, like he did on Takodana? Would he stay? Why would he have a reason to stay? She was putting up with the enemy. That shouldn’t be allowed. Kylo Ren was Finn’s enemy, and she had to remind herself that he was hers too. But was he? After all that had happened so far, could she really call him her enemy? Or was it more complicated than that? All she knew was that Finn had every right to hate Kylo and that with Finn went Poe. If she loses one, she loses both. However, she had no evidence to suggest that they would leave her if she told them. She had to shake this feeling that they would leave. Finn might be a traitor, but he was no coward, and she had to stop herself from thinking that he would back down from their friendship. He left the First Order on perfectly reasonable moral grounds. Right?

              Poe had told her the story of how he and Finn had met. He was captured by the First Order, where he was tortured by Kylo Ren. Finn came and saved him only to ask him to fly them out of there. They crashed and Finn ended up at Nimma Outpost where Rey was. Finn had told her that he couldn’t stand to be in the First Order anymore, that he refused to kill for them. That was a perfectly reasonable moral ground to leave, she thought. There was no cowardice in his eyes, nor in his heart. She knew that. So Kylo was completely wrong. He was wrong about Finn.

              As Rey makes her way to the training room, she thinks about it some more. She would have done the same thing that Finn did, and if that made her a coward, then so be it. She weaved in and out of the crowd of people either getting ready to start their day at the base or going home to get some rest. Regardless, it was busy, and she found it a little difficult to make her way through the crowd without touching someone. Finally, as she got closer to the storage room where she trained, the crowd thinned out until there was no one left in the hallways.

              She walked into the room, shutting the door behind her. She noticed that in the room were four things: Master Luke, three potted plants, and a chair for Master Luke to sit in.

              “Rey! Are you ready for training today?” The look on the man’s face was ever kind and she was grateful for that.

              “Yes, Master Luke!”

              “Good, good. Stand in the middle of the room.” He motioned where he wanted her to stand. Once she was standing in the middle, he grabbed on of the potted plants and placed it in front of her. “Combat requires the lightsaber, but it also requires the mind. You’ve already worked with potted plants before, but you’ve never worked with more than one, and I’d like you to start off trying to connect with the one.  Close your eyes and feel the plant through the Force. I want you to feel its energy, its life.”

              “Okay.” She vaguely remembered how to do this, but it had been so long, she wasn’t sure if she could do it. Granted, last time she attempted to do this, she was interrupted by Kylo, but she had to try again. She tried to connect with it, to visualize it in her mind, to feel the aura surrounding the plant. She had a good visual on it and was concentrating, but she felt nothing.

              Frustrated, she creased her brow. She tried again, even harder, but she failed again.

              “Rey, open your mind to it. Leave your mind blank.” This was, of course, a core Jedi teaching: to leave the mind blank and void of all emotion. It takes a few minutes before she sighs in frustration. “You’re strong with the Force. You’ll learn. It’s not an easy thing you can just pick up in an hour. It took me a couple of years to fully feel those around me.”

              “That may be true, but I don’t have that amount of time.” She was about to say that he didn’t understand what it was like, to have the weight of an entire rebellion on you, but, thinking back to the stories she was told, that was a lie. He knew how it felt.

              “You’ll get it, Rey.” He looked away briefly and then back to her. “I want you to keep practicing this. My presence will only make it more difficult for you to concentrate, so I’m going to go take care of some things. Come get me if there are any problems.”

              “Yes, Master,” she says. He turns around and walks out the door.

              Rey tries again. She closes her eyes, puts her feet shoulder-width apart, and concentrates. It doesn’t work and she plops herself onto the ground in frustration. She loves plants. Shouldn’t this be easy for her? Isn’t she some sort of all-powerful soon-to-be Jedi?

              “Cross your legs.” No other than Kylo Ren was now in her head.

              “What are you doing here?” She was still mad at him about the way he talked about Finn.

              “I was tired of feeling your frustration and tired of seeing you fail with that old man’s teachings. Now, cross your legs.” There was a forcefulness in his voice, yet his tone was gentle. Did he genuinely want to teach her? Did he really hate to see her fail? Rey reluctantly does as he says. “Now, straighten your back.” She does so. “Good. Close your eyes.”

              “Remind me why I’m doing this again?” Frustration was still at the forefront of her mind, and she wasn’t very happy about taking orders from him. But, there was a small chance he could help her, so she put up with him.

              “Because I know what you need better than him. Now do it.” His tone was beginning to be less gentle and more potent.

              “Alright, fine.” She closed her eyes and awaited instruction.

              “I want you to breathe. Take the deepest breath you can through your nose without hurting your lungs and hold it for five seconds. Then release it through your mouth.” The logic was sound. Maybe calming herself was the key to it. His tone was still strange, like an instructor who cared deeply about his students but had a bad day.

              Still, she does as he says. She inhales through her nose, then exhales through her mouth. She does this a few times. On the third inhale, she starts to feel something. It’s like she’s able to see with her eyes closed. She can see the outline of the plant, but its blurry. Still, it’s progress. She concentrates to see if she can see any further.

              “I can feel,” she pauses. “Something.”

              “Good. Now concentrate. Put your feelings out in the open and _feel_ them. Don’t ignore them, don’t clear your mind of everything. Just reduce yourself to your emotions and let them flow. Come to terms with the emotions you’re feeling.”

              Rey identifies her emotions: frustration and excitement. Instead of clearing her mind, she focuses on those two emotions. She allows herself to feel those things, frustration the most. Luke hadn’t guided her like Kylo had and is. She was allowed to be frustrated at that. She let herself feel it, let it course through her. The vision of the plant in her mind became a little clearer. She could start to see the individual leaves on the stem. It was pulsing with energy, and Rey was amazed. She was now more excited than anything else.

              “Can you feel it?”

              “Yes.” She couldn’t contain her excitement. She feared her tone gave her away, but Kylo didn’t tell her to not feel excited, like she thought he would. Instead, he kept instructing her. He allowed her to be excited just as she had allowed herself to be frustrated.

              “Now feel all three plants.” There was a serious tone in his voice now. Rey didn’t know why.

              “At the same time?” said Rey. She was worried she couldn’t do it.

              “Yes. Your powers are no good if you can only focus on one thing at a time. That’s how you get killed.” Seriousness oozed from his tone. He wasn’t playing around.

              “Oh.” He had a good point.

              “Do the same thing you did before. Stretch out your feelings, allow yourself to feel them. Let them radiate through the world like it’s an extension of yourself and find all three pots.”

              She sits up even more straight than she had before. She places her hands on her knees and creases her brow. Letting her excitement run through her like a rampant Wampa, she is able to feel all three plants the first time she tries. The other two are still sitting by the chair that Master Luke was in.

              “I can feel them, Kylo. All three of them. It’s magnificent. I can sense the two plants by the door and I can see the one in front of me. They’re radiating some sort of energy.” 

              “That’s good, Rey.” Was that pride in his voice? She was about to gush, but she stopped herself and she thought about why Kylo’s technique worked, but not Luke’s.

              “But Master Like always said to let go of my feelings, that they were a distraction. How is it I could do this your way but not his?” She was a little heartbroken about this. She felt like she was betraying Luke somehow. It felt like she was cheating on a test.

              “Because you’ll never be a Jedi, Rey!” Now it was his turn to be frustrated. “That old fool can try to teach you all he wants to, but he’ll never get results if he relies on old teachings.”

              Rey soaked in the shock of Kylo telling her that she’ll never be a Jedi. That was not an answer she was expecting. She could practically feel his sighing.

              “You have feelings, Rey. Letting go of them does you no good, it just makes you apathetic, and that’s a word I would never use to describe you. You feel too much. You might as well learn how to use that to your advantage.” He paused as if to let his words sink in. “You’re passionate. Passion is a strong thing, and I know you know that. Your passion makes you _strong_. If you let go of your emotions, you get rid of passion, and with passion goes love. As a Jedi, you won’t be allowed to have friends, Rey. I know you don’t want that.” The last sentence was said through halfway clenched teeth.

              Her mind automatically goes to Finn, Poe, and the General. She can feel Kylo tense up at the thoughts, but she can’t help it. She thinks he’s right. Jedi generally don’t have friends, they have colleagues. She doesn’t want to give up her friendships just for some fairytale of an ending for herself.

              “You should probably practice some more. Put the plants behind the door and see if you can feel them through solid objects.”

              “Alright,” she said. She could feel him immediately retreat from her mind. She thought it was because of her thinking about her friends. Maybe it was Finn, but maybe it was the General. She considered Leia Organa her friend, but she knew she probably shouldn’t have thought about her while he was in her head. But why? Why shouldn’t she think about them? To spare him from having to see the woman whose heart is broken because of him? No. She wouldn’t apologize for it.

              Still, she was happy about her ability to see the plants in her mind. She did as he had said and put the plants on the other side of the door. After some time of allowing herself to feel and coming to terms with what she did feel, she was able to feel them beyond the door.

              Kylo was way gentler as a teacher than she could have ever expected. He was good with instruction and he was relatively patient, a word which she would have never used previously to describe him. She wondered if having him teach her was such a bad thing but immediately regretted thinking it. How could she? Was she slowly becoming the traitor she feared? No, she would continue to train under Luke. He knew what he was doing. She would just maybe use Kylo’s technique instead when training.

              She practiced until it was time to sleep. She would gradually put the plants even further out into the hallway to see if she could still feel it from a way away. She found that she had a limit of around 30 feet. Going to bed that night, she was ecstatic. She had never felt so pleased with herself. She drifted off shortly after laying down, as she was tired from the long day. Her last thought was of Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next three chapters will be coming quickly, so be looking out for those! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm finding it's more and more of a drag to write anything but Kylo and Rey interacting. The beginning of this chapter went by really slowly, but it picked up when Kylo came in.  
> Leave a comment or a kudos if you liked it!  
> Next time: Never Talk About Politics   
> ;)


	19. Never Talk about Politics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Kylo chapter! Ah, the sweet smell of sweat and training. Have fun with this one!

He didn’t know how long he had been training. He couldn’t sleep the previous night, and he remembered getting up early morning to go train, but he had lost track of the time. He was training alone.

              Sweat is dripping down his back and face. He had gotten rid of most of his costume hours ago, in favor of a more streamlined tactic that would grant him more of the agility he desperately needed to work on. Rey had inspired him when he chased her in the dream on Starkiller. He largely disfavored agility in support of his menacing stature and slow but deliberate and powerful strikes. His reflexes were good, so he preferred to block an attack with his saber than to move out of the way. He needed to work on that. He wouldn’t be ruler of the galaxy without a rounded knowledge and understanding of battle, and, in agility, he was lacking.

              In this training room, there were obstacles. The room is maze-like in that there are many walls blocking the view of the AI robots that were floating around it. Unless Kylo tried to feel them, he had no idea where they were. At this point, though, he was almost constantly trying to feel the Force flow in and out of objects, people, and animals alike. It didn’t matter if it was a robot. The Force still flowed through them, just in a different way than through living things.

              He tried to remember how Rey had evaded him in the forest on Starkiller. She had jumped onto a wall and pushed herself off of it in a way that launched her out of his range.

              Kylo can sense one around the corner from him and he focuses on it. He slowly rounds the corner and then blocks, throwing the robot’s fire back at it. At the same moment he was blocking the blast, another robot came around the corner. Kylo swung around and jumped off of the wall, but, being unpracticed, he slid off the wall rather than pushing himself off of it. He smelled burning flesh, but didn’t feel a thing. He kept going, defeating the bot and moving on to hunt the next one.

              “What are you doing?” Ah, Rey. What a pleasant surprise. She hadn’t wanted to talk to her further the previous day because she had started to think about that damned traitor and Ben Solo’s mother. But after practicing for a while, he was back to his old self.

              “I’m kind of busy right now.” He lunged around the corner and dodged a blaster fire a few times before sending the blast right back to the robot.

              “Yeah, I know. I kind of figured that when I felt a searing pain in my shoulder. What’s going on?” Oh. She said it through clenched teeth. She was clearly upset, and he didn’t blame her. He had no idea he was projecting his pain and he was suddenly very grateful for the fact that he hadn’t gotten hurt more than that one time. He had been practicing for half the day now, and he could have hurt her at any time. Why was he projecting?

              “Hold on.” He felt bad, but he didn’t know why. He shouldn’t feel bad. It was an accident, nothing more. Yet, he felt as though he was responsible for her well-being, and he had jeopardized that by being careless and being unpracticed.

              He continued blocking the next AI that came around the corner, but he started to back off. Once clear of the AI behind him, he ran through the maze of walls and finally made it to the far side of the room where the console was. He hit a button and all the AI shut off. He was trying to slow his heart rate when Rey spoke again.

              “I’m waiting.” She was clearly annoyed.

              “I’m sorry. I was training and I slipped up.”

              “You? Slipping up?” Most of the annoyed tone had gone away in favor of a more amused tone.

              “Don’t push it. I said I was sorry,” he said. Now it was his turn to be annoyed.

              “You did, didn’t you?” Amusement gave way to reflection and she perked up a little bit. “What were your training for?”

              “Agility.” He didn’t know why he was telling her this. It was really none of her business. It had just gotten easier and easier to talk to her, he guessed. He hoped she felt the same way about talking to him, but why did he care what she felt? He was supposed to be teaching her, and nothing more. A teacher doesn’t rely on the student.

              “Practice your climbing and you dodging. That should help.” She was, once again, helping him out.

              “I’ll keep that in mind.” He grabbed a towel and began wiping his face with it. Sweat was still streaming down his arm guards, but he didn’t mind. He would take a shower later.

              The bond went silent, and all he could feel across the invisible string binding them together was trepidation. Did he have something to say? Several times he could feel her think about saying something and then shutting herself up.

              “It seems like you have something you want to talk about.” He leaned against the wall and wiped off his arms with the towel.

              “Well, I don’t. And even if I did, I wouldn’t discuss it with you.” Why was she being so feisty all of a sudden? She seemed somewhat hostile, and he didn’t like it.

              “Oh yeah? Why is that?” He wasn’t going to let the subject go.

              “Because I’m still not sure if I trust you.” There it was. The truth. To be honest, he was a little bit hurt.

              “Come on, Rey. Haven’t I proven myself trustworthy?” He said it as if to coerce her. He wanted her to trust her. If there was no trust in their relationship, it would never progress.    

              “I haven’t decided that yet.” Her tone was cool, collected.

              “So what is it you were going to talk about?” He was going to push her until she either left or gave up. He had a feeling that whatever it was had really bothered her, and he couldn’t have her bothered. He needed her to be unbothered and clearheaded.

              She didn’t say anything for a little while. He could be patient. It seemed like she was trying to find the right words, like she was overthinking it.

              “I was thinking about something you said a while back, about your utopia.”

              There. That’s what was bothering her? A conversation they had about politics? This couldn’t go over well.

              “Go on.” Again, she hesitated, but willed herself to say it anyway.

              “Why is the Republic so bad?” She nearly blurted it out.

              “The Republic was and is a bureaucratic disaster. They’re inefficient and slow to action, something that would have never been a problem in the Empire.” This was an easy question to answer. He almost hoped she would ask him a tougher question. At the same time, he wished she hadn’t brought it up and wished that he hadn’t pushed her. This was a conversation that could go very badly. He had just started to really build something with Rey, he didn’t want it to come crumbling down. But he felt obligated to answer her questions. He didn’t want to lie to her, and he figured that getting it out in the open might be the best for both of them.

              “So it has more to do with how they ran things and now the people?” In her voice shown pure curiosity. So far, the conversation was going well. She wasn’t upset, she was merely inquisitive.

              “What about the people? They would all benefit from a society that didn’t take any shit: a society without borders and without bureaucracy.”              

              “That’s not what I’m saying,” she said.

              “Then what are you saying?” He had, apparently, misunderstood her.

              “I’m saying that maybe the people don’t want that.” She was championing a lost cause, he thought.

              “The people don’t know what they want, Rey. All they’ve ever known is a flawed system of government, whether under the Republic or the Empire. There were always a handful of good senators, but they were few and far between. They were naïve, but they truly wanted to help their people. They were misled to believe that their form of government could really enact change.” Again, this was an easy statement to counter.

              “Good senators? You mean like your mother?”

              Kylo froze in place and panicked.

              “I have no mother.” Of course, he’s lying, and he knows he’s lying. But he can’t confess to anyone that he’s thought about her. In some ways, he misses her. He misses her warm hugs, the smile she would give him every time they would see each other. In other ways, he was glad that she was no longer a weight on his life. But she still was, wasn’t she? He missed the way she would laugh at something his father had said. His father. That was another can he didn’t want to open. He thought about them both sparingly, but when he did, he would get knots in his stomach, as if someone had pierced his gut. He would get chills down his spine and on most of those occasions, it would end with one of his episodes and some new type of injury. This conversation was taking a turn for the worst.

              He realized he hadn’t talked for a while, thinking about all of this. Was this the Light side calling to him again? He had to reject it at all costs.

              “You miss her, don’t you?” Her voice was soft and understanding. It threw Kylo off guard. He wasn’t expecting her to be so gentle about it.

              “You don’t know anything about me, Rey.” In contrast, his tone was harsh and coarse.

              “I know that you turned to the Dark side because you thought it was the only way. I know that you’re scared most of the time, sometimes of being found out as a fraud, sometimes because you think you aren’t strong enough. I know you struggle every day with the Light, and I know that you regret killing Han.” Her words were slamming into him in waves of guilt and anger. Pressure was building in his head and it started throbbing. His stomach was tied in knots and he started sweating again. It was too much, and he couldn’t take it any longer.

              “Stop!” He immediately cuts off communications with Rey. He had never tried to really keep her out before, but he was trying now.

              Was he that much of an open book to her? When had he shown remorse for killing Han Solo? And did he really miss Leia Organa? That was a past life, it shouldn’t bleed over into this one. It was a world which he would never return to. However, he found himself longing for a life without pain, without all this conflict. Things were simpler for Ben Solo. He longed for that again. Maybe his life was back with his mother…

              Mother? No. She was manipulating him. He knew it. She must have been sent to seduce him by Skywalker. Fools, all of them. He will never turn back. His place was here, among the First Order.

              It was time for him to get back to training and, hopefully, forget about their conversation. This time, he wouldn’t be clumsy. He would practice climbing and dodging, like Rey had said, and he won’t get burned. Before he could turn on the console, however, he felt a familiar tug. He was being summoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next chapter is also a Kylo chapter, and it's rather short, but it comes with a big pay-off.   
> Next up: She's a Vixen


	20. She is a Vixen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter, and I apologize. But next chapter should be way more interesting. This is just a set-up for later chapters. Enjoy!

Kylo is being summoned by his master. He doesn’t know why. He had been training both himself and Rey just as the Supreme Leader had ordered. He has an idea of why, however. He has sinned. He has felt the pull to the light. Why was It so difficult for him?

              He walks into the chamber and the projector flickers on. The Supreme Leader is suddenly sitting in front of Kylo in all his glory.

              “Why are you here?” He was calm.

              “Because I have felt the pull to the light.” Kylo wants to hang his head in shame but he doesn’t dare look away from his master.

              “It’s the scavenger. She is a temptress.” He hisses the final word.

              “Supreme Leader, I must keep training her. If I can train her for long enough, I can pull her over to our side.” He didn’t want Snoke to take her away from him. He felt a possessiveness over her. He wished he knew why he felt so strongly. He knew she was a temptress but he almost didn’t mind that.

              “Are you up to that task? It seems to me that you are starting to lose your grip. You are sloppy and weak. You haven’t brought her any closer to our side than she was to begin with. Why should I not give your task to someone else?” This wasn’t looking good. He didn’t want to beg, as that connotes weakness, and he didn’t need to show any more weaknesses to the Supreme Leader.

              “Master, with all due respect, I can do it. She is strong but I am stronger.” He had donned his robes once more before meeting Snoke in the chamber. His helmet was on and he sounded as apathetic as he had hoped.

              “You have shown that a mere scavenger can seduce you to the Light.” He eyes Kylo from his throne, as if _looking_ for flaws: a nervous tick or a swaying back and forth. However, he did no such thing. “Prove it to me. Remove all thoughts of Ben Solo and his pathetic family from your mind. That time has passed and he is dead.”

              Kylo’s thoughts go to his mother, and then to the look on his father’s face when he ran him through with his saber. He remained stoic, knowing the Supreme Leader could sense his thoughts. He was safe thinking about them as long as he remained calm and collected and viewed them in a negative light. He somewhat wishes things would have gone differently. Just as his resolve started to crumble, Snoke practically yelled.

              “Kylo Ren!” He halfway stood up in his chair and then sat back down, as if tired. “She is a temptress. She will only lead you astray. You must resist temptation. Resist, or I shall find another worthy of the title of Ren.”

              That was a wake-up call for Kylo. He knew then that he needed to be careful around Rey. He couldn’t let his guard down, and there would absolutely be no more talk about politics.

              “I will serve only you, Supreme Leader.” He was sincere.

              “We shall see.” Snoke disappears from the chamber, leaving the single streak of light coming from the top.

              What is it about Rey that pulls him in? He’s thought about it before, but he’s never come up with an answer. It was easier to talk to her now. Was he simply getting too comfortable? He had to resist. He _would_ resist. He just needed to keep his thoughts in check and steer clear of any conversation that could bring up Ben Solo and his pathetic life.

              The Supreme Leader was right. She was a temptress, and she was stronger than he previously thought: strong enough to sway his resolve. He wouldn’t let that happen again.

              He goes back to his quarters, suddenly exhausted from the day. He didn’t know what standard time it was and he had no idea how long he had stayed up, but he was tired. He forgoes dinner for the fourth night in a row and immediately undresses and lays down. He drifts off to sleep, trying not to think about anything but how he’s going to turn the tables on Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment or a kudos if you feel like it. It is greatly appreciated. I promise you won't be disappointed in the next chapter.  
> Next is: Kylo's Nightmare


	21. Kylo's Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very important turning point in this fic. It's one I was very much looking forward to writing, and now that I have, I can't wait to show you! Enjoy!

Rey is in nothingness. Everywhere she looks, it’s a void: a vast blackness that consumes everything. She can see her hand in front of her face, but there seems to be nothing around her. She doesn’t know whether she’s awake or asleep, but the vastness surrounding her is a good indicator that she’s asleep. She’s never had a dream like this, and she doesn’t know what to do. Does she walk aimlessly, or does she sit and stay where she is? Suddenly, a ringing noise pierces through the air. Rey covers her ears and crouches down, hoping to get away from the sound. It’s hurting her head. Not unlike her headaches from before, this pain was unbearable and disorienting.

              The ringing stops and she slowly uncovers her ears and stands up. There, in the distance, is some sort of light source. It seems contained. Rey walks towards it. It blinds her and she puts her hand over her face but continues walking forward. The blindness of the light dies down and she can see that she’s standing in a room. She looks back towards the vast expanse, but only sees a wall. Looking back to the room, she notices a young couple arguing. They’re on the far side of the room, and she can’t make out what they’re saying. It’s like her hearing is muted. She takes a step forward but stops in her tracks.

              In front of her, to the side of the room, is a little boy. He looks like he’s maybe nine years old, and he has dark hair and moles lining his face. He’s holding a stuffed TaunTaun and looks like he’s almost to the point of tears. He also looks sleepy. He rubs his face with the hand holding the stuffed animal and looks over at the couple arguing. They seem familiar. Rey squints her eyes and takes a few more steps forward, craning her neck to see the couple’s faces.

              They don’t seem to notice her and she gets closer and closer. Whatever they’re arguing about is taking up all their attention. She walks behind the sofa and towards the couple. Seeing their faces, her breath catches in her throat. It’s Han and the General. They’re young and they’re fighting? She can’t believe her eyes. Now she _knows_ she must be dreaming. With a quick twist of her body, she turns back around to face the boy. A sick feeling is growing in the pit of her stomach, and she realizes that the boy must be Kylo. He’s staring straight at her, but then it occurs to her. She takes a step to the side so she’s not in front of the couple. The boy is still staring at the same place: his parents. None of them notice that she’s there.

              As if a switch was being turned on, she can now hear what the couple is arguing about.

              “You always take him out when I’m not here! You never listen to me when I tell you not to take him out there! It’s not safe!” Leia screams.

              “You never let the boy have any fun! He’s going to grow up to be just like his old man and you can’t handle that, can you?” Han has a smug look on his face and his finger is pointed straight towards his wife.

              “You know that’s not true, Han! He’s Force-sensitive.” All the while this is unfolding, young Ben just stands there, transfixed on his parents.

              “Oh, so now you’re deciding the boy’s future for him? He has a choice, you know!”

              “Oh, a _choice_? You think I don’t want him to have a _choice?_ Han, I want him to have the best life possible and that’s why I’m sending him to be with Luke next year. He needs to be able to control his powers before he can make any sort of decision about what he does with his life.” Leia looks like she’s pleading.

              “You’re sending him away so he can make his own decisions? That’s bullshit! You know all that mumbo jumbo isn’t good for him. It worked for Luke, but–”

              “But what, Han? But maybe your son will be the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy! Had you ever thought about that? You don’t like that he can use the Force and so you’re trying to keep him here! He’ll never be like you, Han!” At that, Han smashed his lips down on each other and stood up straight, staring at Leia like she had just spit in his face.

              “The boy’s not going, and that’s final.”

              “You don’t get to make those decisions. I’m his mother. I know what’s best for him!” Leia was pointing her herself violently. Her posture was positively diplomatic, but her voice was nowhere near calm.

              “Oh, you know what’s best for him? Who’s been here the past few weeks taking care of him? It hasn’t been you, I can tell you that!” His voice is raising once again.

              “You know that’s not fair. You just want him to be normal. He’ll never be normal! Your son is Force-sensitive, and you have to come to terms with that.”

              Her saying that only sparked another argument, spiraling them out of control once again. Rey looked over at the boy, only he wasn’t there. She took a staggered step backwards, trying to find him, when she bumped into something solid. She jolted to turn around and there stood Kylo Ren. He was standing there, like a rock, staring at his parents. His chest was heaving a little and he had a pained expression on his face.

              “You shouldn’t be here.” His eyes never left his parents.

              “Kylo, what is this?” Rey was starting to tear up. She didn’t want to hear or see any more. She just wanted to wake up. She didn’t want to deal with this. She didn’t want to see Han and Leia like this. She wanted to remember them for the way she knew them to be, not this insufferable couple who can’t stop yelling at each other.

              Kylo ignites his lightsaber. It makes a sickening thrumming noise and Rey jumps a half a step backward at the suddenness of the ignition. It’s now she realizes that Kylo is wearing everything but his helmet.

              “Why don’t you ask _her_?” His voice cracks a bit, but his tone is angry, enraged. He seems a little unhinged. However, he just stands there, saber alight, staring the past in the face.

              “The General? Your mother?” She gets no response. His chest falls up and down to rhythm and he inhales and exhales violently, as if he can’t get enough oxygen. “You can’t deny that she’s your mother, Kylo.”

              “You don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.” He was obviously straining for some semblance of control.

              “Kylo, she’s your mother. Now what’s going on?” She was still on the verge of tears, attempting to have some semblance of her own control.

              “It’s my childhood.” Rey is surprised at how softly he says it. She thinks she sees a tear roll down his cheek, and then all hell breaks loose.

              Kylo charges forward with a yell, slashing blindly in front of him, destroying everything in his path. He scars the sofa, cutting clean through the small table in front of it. He stomps on the remains of the table, the glass on it shattering with the weight. He madly carves up the chair on the other side of the room, slashing and cutting until there was hardly anything left besides charred fabric and wood.

              “Kylo, no! Stop!” Rey yells. But he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t hear her. He keeps going, scarring the wall and turning around madly, looking for anything else to destroy.

              His parents have stopped arguing and Han has gotten in front of Leia to shield her. The look on Leia’s face is pure pain. Kylo stands there, heaving. He’s looking down at the ground, lightsaber still in hand. He suddenly seems to realize that his parents are still there and he frantically spins to face them. He marches towards them, lightsaber moving upwards, over his head. Han pushes Leia even further back behind him and as He’s about to make the fatal blow, he hears Rey.

              “Kylo, Stop!” She’s crying at this point, not able to hold it in any longer. The scene in front of her is just too much. There’s too much emotion in the air.

              Kylo stops abruptly, cocking his head slightly in the direction of Rey. His body sways a little and his lightsaber is still over his head. He turns his head downwards, and, as his chest lurches, Leia comes from around Han and walks in front of her son.

              “I can’t do it.” He barely says it, but Rey can hear him. It’s a pitiful noise he makes afterwards as he looks up at his mother. Leia places her hand on his cheek, a smile crossing her face. She says nothing, just standing there in front of her son whom she loves so much. “I can’t do it, mom.”

              Rey stops crying out of pure shock. The look on Kylo’s face is pure agony. His brow is creased and his chin is wavering. His eyes hold nothing but pain, and as his mother retracts her hand from his face, he lowers his saber, slowly. Leia starts to turn away from Kylo, Han as well. He places his hand on his wife’s shoulder as they walk away.

              Rey closes her eyes, as if she can will herself awake. Almost immediately after closing them, she hears another piercing noise. This time, it’s of a little boy screaming. She opens her eyes. Kylo is in the same spot, head facing down and shoulders slumped. He sheaths his lightsaber and covers his face with his hands. The boy screams again. Rey turns around to see a younger Ben, maybe five years old, being held back by a nanny. He’s screaming at the top of his lungs.

              “Mom, don’t leave me! Don’t go! No!” He’s sobbing. Hot tears streak down the boy’s cheek and Rey’s heart breaks for him.

              Out of the corner of her eye, she can see movement. Kylo stalks towards her, tears on his face as well. His face looks determined, now, maybe even a little angry.

              “Wake up.” He reaches Rey and places his hands on her upper arms.

              “Kylo, wait!” Rey starts crying again, unable to help herself. Seeing Kylo like this is unbelievable. Is he really crying as well?

              “Wake up, Rey. Wake up!” He shakes her and suddenly, she’s back in her room on the Resistance base.  Her pillow is soaked with tears and she sits up slowly, not really knowing what to think about what she just saw. All she knows is that now she has a little more of an understanding about who Kylo Ren is.

              That was her. She felt like she was looking at herself all over again. She knows what it feels like to have a parent leave. She knows what that feels like, and she can’t shake the feeling that she’s got a lot more in common with her enemy than she does with her friends. It’s a sobering thought, and one that keeps her up the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.  
> Next Up: All Is Forgiven


	22. All Is Forgiven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed last chapter! Things will get interesting from here on out.  
> This one is a bit of a short one, so I apologize.

Kylo wakes up from his nightmare, pillow stained and wet with tears. Past the point of crying, he sits up in his bed, as calm as he’s ever been. He just had a dream, a nightmare, where he was reminded of his past. He was staring the past in the face and he couldn’t kill it. Why couldn’t he kill it? More importantly, Rey was there. She saw. She heard.

              What did she think of him now? Did she think him weak? Did she think him soft? Did she see him for the fraud he really was? It was suddenly hard to breathe. His palms were sweating and the blood was pounding in his head. She was going to see him as a fraud, a fake. His heart thudded in his chest harder and harder until he had to clutch his heart to escape the tightness that resided there. She knew he was weak. He couldn’t be in this room. He couldn’t stay where he was. His vision was disfigured as he grabbed the wall and pulled himself towards the door at the opposite side of the room. His feet tingled. It felt like they were disconnected from his body.

              This wasn’t the first time he had experienced this, and it wouldn’t be his last. But he had to get out of there. As he hit the button that would open the door, he nearly launched himself inside, slamming his hand down on the console that would close it again. Breathing was difficult. The hot, salty tears streaming down his face only seemed to come down harder as he moaned.

              “She knows, she knows,” he groaned repeatedly through his teeth.

              She’s going to leave him. She sees him as a monster. She’s said so herself. She saw. She _knows_.

              After what seemed like an eternity, the tears stopped flowing and, even though his breathing was still erratic, it was nowhere as shallow as it had been. His palms were still clammy, but the blood was no longer pounding in his head. His throat burned as he slid his back down the wall until he hit the floor. His eyelids were heavy. He still had his hand clutching his chest, and as his breathing regulated, he fell asleep.

              Awakening to the beeping of the console to the right of him, he immediately regretted opening his eyes. He groaned in pain as his head pounded and his stomach was in knots. Slowly getting up and gripping the wall for support, he looked at the message on the console. Snoke had summoned him for a private meeting. How long had he been out? Had he made the Supreme Leader wait? The idea of that further tied up his gut and he immediately walked into the other room. He only paused to look at the damage to his bed. His sheets were strewn everywhere and his pillow was still wet. He’d take care of that later.

              His stomach growled and made it be known that he hadn’t eaten in the past few days. He waved it off. He usually didn’t have much of an appetite and when he did, it didn’t last long and was usually lessoned by exercising.

              He got dressed as fast as he could, trying to minimize the disappointment he would face. He feared the worst. It was always tiny things with the Supreme Leader that were important to him. It was important that he was on time, it was important that he not speak when not spoken to, and it was important that he not be sentimental. He had already broken two out of three.

              He marched into the room, making sure his back was straight and his gait was strong. He would not show any undue weakness. As soon as he gets on the pedestal in front of the Supreme Leader, Snoke’s voice fills the room.

              “Kylo Ren. Why have you been summoned here?” His voice echoed in the chamber. It held a staunch authority that Kylo only wished he could possess.

              “You have summoned me, Supreme Leader.” He knew what he had done, but he didn’t want to admit it. He was ashamed, and he was still trying to process exactly what happened.

              “No. Why are you here?” His cadence was slow but powerful. Kylo Ren decides to stay quiet. “I grow tired of you. Tell me why you are here!”

              Kylo stares up at his master, his leader. His helmet is on and his features hidden but he knows that this looming figure can feel what he’s feeling.

              “I have strayed again. I have been enticed by the light.” He dares not hang his head in shame, though he might like to. His sins were extensive this time. He gave in. He let it consume him, and now he would be punished for it. He deserved it. He had to learn his lesson.

              “Yes.” He paused as if he was pondering something. “And what is your weakness?”

              “Sentiment.” He said it softly but angrily. He knew this is what killed his grandfather. He knew he had the potential to fall the same as he did, he only wished to grow as powerful as him before that happens.

              “Yes, Kylo Ren. Sentiment will be your downfall if you do not heed my lessons.” The Supreme Leader sighs. “I warned you about the girl, did I not? I told you she would tempt you, and yet you did not regard my warnings. You continue to prove yourself reckless and undisciplined. I will not tolerate it.”

              “I realize that, Supreme Leader. I apologize, but the girl–”

              “Had nothing to do with it? Are you so blind as to not notice that she is poison?” Snoke said.

              “Would you have me stop training her?” Even as he said it, his stomach was in knots again. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, though they had just begun their relationship. He gave pause to it. He cared too much. Maybe the Supreme Leader was right.

              “No, you will do nothing of the sort. She is still of use to us, regardless of her unfortunate qualities.” Relief spread throughout Kylo’s body. First his shoulders relaxed and then his arms. He unclenched his teeth, not knowing they were clenched until he relaxed.

              “I understand, Supreme Leader.” He was waiting for the inevitable punishment. He was already preparing his mental walls so that he didn’t have to make Rey suffer alongside him for his crime.

              “It would seem as though you don’t. Ben Solo is long dead. He was a weak and pathetic boy and you are better than him. You are powerful, Kylo Ren. You are stronger than your past. So why do you still give in?” The question took Kylo by surprise. He wasn’t prepared to answer it. He said the only thing that came to mind: the truth.

              “I do not know.” He didn’t know why he struggles so much with the light. It should be easy. He’s devoted his life to the dark side of the Force. He should be fully immersed by now, but he’s not. Instead, he’s allowing his parents to live because of sentiment.

              “Of course, you don’t.” Again, Kylo wanted to hang his head in shame, but he would never stoop so low. “But all is forgiven.” His tone took on that of a concerned and loving father. However, that statement of forgiveness took Kylo by surprise. He expected punishment. He was prepared for it. He almost wanted to _ask_ for it. It served him right.

              “Thank you, Supreme Leader.” It was all he could say. He would have asked for punishment but he doesn’t want to accidentally expose Rey to it again.

              “You have so much potential. Don’t squander it.” There was a short silence. “The next time  you have that dream, I want you to kill them.”

              “Them?”

              “The young Ben Solo and his family. Kill them all.” His tone was serious now, and Kylo dares not question it or protest.

              “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

              “You may go.” And with a flick of his wrist, he was gone. His image faded until there was nothing but a bright stream of light coming down from the ceiling.

              Kylo goes back to his room, thinking about what Snoke had said. Was he right about Rey? Did he have a point about her being poison? He would have to be extra careful from now on. He was determined not to fall to the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you've enjoyed it.   
> Next chapter: Poe Knows Something


	23. Poe Knows Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it gets pretty interesting from here on out. I can have some real fun with the characters now, and boy do I have a good one for you guys. Poe Knows Something. Read below to find out what happens.

Is that what having parents was like? How often did Leia leave Ben with a nanny? Where was Han all the time? How often did Han and Leia fight? Rey had a lot of unanswered questions and they had been plaguing her all day.

              And the child, being held by that nanny as his mom walked away, it had been her. She saw herself in that child. He had been the same age as her when she was dumped on Jakku. Did he feel all the things she had felt? Alone and afraid? She knew he was afraid from Starkiller, but loneliness? If that’s what his parents were like, she didn’t really want parents. She always thought that it was better to be physically alone and hopeful than emotionally alone and hopeless.

              She couldn’t believe that Han and Leia ever fought. She never saw them together in person, but the way Leia is, she seemed so level-headed. Not to mention how she felt after his death. Rey could tell she loved him deeply, she had just confused love with being happy.

              She got dressed and ate breakfast in silence, all the while trying to make sense of it all. If a boy had lived with an absent family, it would make sense that that boy could become rebellious. Of course, that type of rebellion didn’t require killing your father. But it made sense, in a way, that Ben would be unhappy where he was. One thing that didn’t make sense to her was that if this behavior for families was normal, how did it happen that everyone on the base was non-patricidal?

              She needed to ask someone who had actually had parents and who wouldn’t feel weird talking to her about it. She put her plate and cup away and then she went to the hangar bay to find Poe. When she got there, she spotted him right away. He was working on his x-wing. He was totally oblivious to her walking up behind him.

              “Need any help?” Rey still wasn’t quite used to talking to Poe. She had only known him for a few months, but it was relatively easy to talk to him.

              “Hey, kiddo! Fancy seeing you here. As it so happens, I would love your help. There’s something wrong with the carburetor and I thought it was a screw loose, but it turns out I was wrong. Want to take a go at it?” He was wiping his hands off and smiling.

              “Yeah!” It was Rey’s turn to smile. She loved working on ships.

              She put on a pair of gloves that Poe had given her and she got the tool box and set it next to her. She was in her element. Poe somewhat oversaw the whole operation, only interrupting her to comment on how efficiently she worked or to answer a question she had about a part she was unfamiliar with.

              After identifying the problem, she started to work on it, and she finally found the courage to ask him her question.

              “Poe, did your parents ever fight?” The question clearly knocked him off-guard. He blinked and looked like he didn’t quite hear the question.

              “What?”

              “Argue. Did your parents ever argue?” The question seemed to register with him this time, and he didn’t look surprised anymore.

              “No, not really. Come to think of it, my parents rarely argued. When they were around, I mean. My mom and dad both worked for the Rebellion when the Empire was crumbling. My mom was a pilot. She’s the one who taught me how to fly, actually. She showed me the basics, anyway. My parents weren’t around much during the war, but afterwards, they settled down on Yavin 4 with me. When they were together, they were loving, as far as I can remember. My dad used to always make a cup of tea for my mom before she woke up every morning.” He cocked his head to the side. “Why do you ask, Rey?”

              Now she looks shocked and caught off-guard. She can’t tell him why she asked. That would be incredibly stupid at this point. She flounders.

              “I- I was just curious. About parents in general. What they’re like. Since…” she trailed.

              “Yeah. Right.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess you and Finn both have that in common, right?” The look on his face was sympathetic.

              “How is Finn, by the way?” She asked half because she wanted to know, half because she wanted to change the subject. She got her answer, and now she needs to divert attention from it.

              “Oh, you know. He’s hanging around. He’s in and out of meetings constantly.” Rey was satisfied with that and continued a particularly difficult bolt. Finally, she felt it snap into place and she pulled her hand out of the engine parts.

              “There!” She was smiling. She was happy that she had managed to fix it. However, she felt a warmth at the back of her head. In the part of her mind where the bond resided, someone had a firm grasp on it.

              “Well look at that. I can’t believe it!” Poe said. His face was joyous, but all at once devolved into worry. “Hey, Rey?” She was already starting to put away her tools and clean up when she stood up and looked at his quizzically.

              “Yes?” She didn’t know where this was going.

              “Are you okay?” He said it timidly, as if one wrong breath could tip her over.

              “Yes, of course I am. What kind of a question is that?” She was starting to catch on and she felt like she immediately had to become defensive. She eyed Poe a little as his lips purse and his eyes lock onto hers.

              “Well, I just mean we’re worried about you, Rey. Me and Finn, with all your headaches and everything. We’re worried that there’s something going on that we don’t know about…” Rey’s breath caught in her throat. Did they know anything? They can’t know anything. Not now. “And it’s really putting Finn off. He’s been grouchy for a couple of days now and,” he continued before being interrupted.

              “Look, Poe, I really appreciate it, but I’m fine.” Poe’s face became a little bewildered as she interjected. “You two don’t need to worry.” She turned around and went back to her work. After a few seconds, there was a hand on her shoulder, gentle but firm.

              “But I think we _do_ need to worry. Rey, you’re our friend, and…” Rey was spun around facing him again. His eyes shot to the ground and he put his chin down a little bit, as if he wasn’t sure if he should really tell her what he’s about to tell her. “I’ve heard some things.” He said it softly, so that no passerby could hear it.

              Rey was shocked. She tried not to let it show on her face. What could he possibly have heard? The only people who knew were Luke, Leia, and herself, and there’s no way either of them would tell a soul. So what did Poe know?

              “What? What things?” She tried to act as shocked and unaware as she possibly could.

              “Finn really should be here for this.” Again, he spoke quietly and averted his eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand and stuck his left hand in his pocket. He looked like he was about to say goodbye and walk away, but there was no way Rey was letting him get away without learning what he knew.

              “What things, Poe?” She said it a little too forcefully. He immediately looked up with a strange look on his face. Neither of them were expecting her to be quite so harsh. After another few seconds, he sighs, and his body relaxes a bit.

              “Just the way the General was talking to you, something’s up. We both know it.” He extended his hand a little bit towards her, but she just shrugged it off. What could he be talking about? The last time she talked to the General one-on-one was in her office, and she had been asking her about Ben and telling her what happened on Starkiller and in her dream. And before the conversation truly ended, Poe had walked in. Poe. He had been there, outside the door. Could he have heard anything? Rey’s heart pounded in her head and her breathing became a little more sporadic.

              “Wait, you were listening in on our conversation?” She was outraged. How could he?

              “No, it’s not like that, I swear!” He looked like he was telling the truth so instead of yelling at him, she just waited for an explanation. “I only heard a few words.” That wasn’t as bad as she had feared. If he only heard a few words, then she was fine.

              “What words?” Her anger was subsiding a little, but she still held an angry stance.

              “Fraternizing with the enemy, something about being a traitor, and the General telling you had friends here that would vouch for you.” He somewhat turned his head to the side and shrunk himself as if to shield himself from a blow.

              She was wrong. This was just as bad as she had feared. He heard all the wrong parts. It wasn’t harmless. He could potentially figure this out! And Finn. He would tell Finn. It would be a disaster. She can’t let him catch on, and she must make a note to herself to make sure all her conversations are carried out quietly and with the utmost security.

              “Which we would, in a heartbeat! But we need to know what’s going on in order for us to vouch for you,” he continued. Rey is still panicking, but she’s doing a good job at hiding it. She makes sure she doesn’t visibly swallow and that she doesn’t make a weird face. She could pass of any sweat as being from working on the x-wing. After she clearly wasn’t about to say anything, Poe sighed again and shook his head from side to side. “Look. We’re your best friends. We just want you safe. And if that means keeping us in the dark, so be it, but Finn isn’t going to like that.”

              Of course he wouldn’t. But she needed to keep this a secret for a little while longer. Right now, she didn’t much care about what her friends thought. She just knew she couldn’t tell them. Not yet.

              “Well, tell Finn that I’m fine and don’t need you two worrying about me.       I can…take…care…of…” All of a sudden, she couldn’t breathe. She hunched over just as a cold burning sensation entered her mind. She got on her hands and knees, gasping for air. She vaguely noticed that Poe was immediately on his knee with his hand on her shoulder trying to talk to her. There was a loud ringing in her ears and she couldn’t hear what he was saying. Poe was in the process of picking her up when the sensations stopped. She gasped and sucked in as much air as she could, happy that it was over. It was Snoke. It must have been Snoke. She didn’t feel Kylo that time, either. Come to think of it, she couldn’t really feel him at all. The bond was cold and dead, as if it was just a limp piece of rope. “I can take care of myself, Poe.” She pushed herself off him once she knew she could stand and she brushed off her knees. They now had dirt all over them from the hangar floor.

              “What?” Poe looked astonished and offended. He couldn’t believe that she would say that right after having another one of her mysterious episodes.

              “You don’t have to worry about me.”

              With a hand on his hip and his other hand pointing at Rey, he said, “Bullshit we don’t have to worry!” He realized he had said it a little too loudly and looked around the room. When he was satisfied that no one had heard, he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Rey, this isn’t Jakku.” He looked up at her with the sincerest look she had ever seen. “You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

              Thinking about it for a second, she realized he was right. She didn’t have to be alone anymore on most occasions. But in this situation, she did have to be alone. There was no one who could help her, especially not Poe and Finn.

              “I have to go, Poe. I’m late for training.” Rey took on a cold and distant look so that she could hide the anguish she was feeling. She truly wanted to tell him everything, but she knew she couldn’t. The look of disappointment etched onto Poe’s face made Rey’s insides twitch. That was one look she never wanted to be directed at her, but here they were. There was nothing she could do about it. She just had to accept it.

              “Alright, Rey. You go do that. I’ll clean up here.” He bent down to pick up a screwdriver that Rey had neglected to pick up. Poe didn’t look at her again. She figured that was her cue to leave, so she left. She really had to go to training. She silently wished that she were back on Jakku. She never had to deal with letting down anyone on Jakku. Things were simpler. She preferred it that way. Walking out of the hangar, she took one last look at Poe. He was still cleaning. She wondered what she was going to say to Finn next time she saw him. Hopefully, it would be a better conversation than the one she just had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you stick around for the next chapter. Leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed it! I love hearing feedback from you guys.  
> Next Chapter: Rey Gets Some Information


	24. Rey Gets Some Information

Rey was terrified. Poe knew something, and what he knew was dangerous information. He wouldn’t tell anyone, would he? Rey was too panicked to think about it logically. Poe would never do something that would endanger or expose one of his friends, but Rey wasn’t thinking straight. All she could think about were the possible consequences if they really found out what was happening. She felt as hopeless as she did on Jakku when she was little. She couldn’t do anything about the situation. No one knew how to break a Force bond, and even if someone did, would she do it? She thought she would most likely break the bond, but a thought occurred to her. Having Kylo Ren in her head wasn’t such a bad thing. She could gain important intel for the Resistance. But somehow, that felt wrong too. She felt wrong about wanting to break the bond and she felt bad about wanting to keep the bond. What was wrong with her?

              She had grown too attached to his knowledge. He was teaching her more than Master Luke was. It was useful information and she was excelling. Breaking the bond at this point would be a detriment, right? He still had things he could teach her.

              Her stomach churned a bit as she realized that he was teaching her. He was her teacher, just like he had said he would be. A shiver ran down her spine and she shook it off. No matter, it was helpful, and she was nothing but an opportunist.

              Rey hadn’t lied about needing to get to training. She knew Luke was waiting for her. She opened the door to the training room and Luke was standing there, just as she had thought. Again, there were three potted plants on the ground. This exercise again? And Luke was holding something. It looked like a piece of cloth.

              “Good morning, Master Luke,” Rey said. She walked up to him and he held out what she could now see was a strip of very thick fabric.

              “Good morning. Put this on.” He handed the cloth to her and turned around to grab one of the potted plants. “I’m going to put these around the room and I want you to find them, using only the Force. Stand in the middle of the room and put the blindfold on.”

              “Alright.” She felt a little silly doing this, but she did it anyway. Any practice was good practice. She got to the center of the room and tied the blindfold around her head and stood there, waiting for further instruction.

              After a few seconds, Luke spoke. “Alright. Find the plants, Rey.”

              She concentrated. Stubbornly, she used Luke’s technique. She calmed herself and let go of her emotions, clearing her mind of everything she could. She waited a couple of minutes and then pointed in a direction that she felt something in.

              “No, that’s not it. Keep trying.”

              Frustrated, she concentrated again. She thought if she held her hand out, like Kylo did, then maybe, just maybe, she could get a better feel for her surroundings. She felt silly doing it, but she did it anyway. She didn’t feel much, if anything at all. And the more she tried to clear her mind, and the more she failed, the more frustrated she got and the more cluttered her mind got. She couldn’t win. She pointed in another direction.

              “Wrong again. Clear your mind, Rey. Don’t feel anything, just be.” This was not helpful advice at all, but Rey wasn’t about to tell him that.

              Begrudgingly, she decided to try Kylo’s technique again. Rey took a deep breath through her nose and she exhaled through her mouth. She tried to remember what Kylo had taught her. She had to come to terms with her feelings. What was she feeling? She was feeling anxiety and agitation. Why was she feeling that way? Because one of her friends knows something he shouldn’t and she can’t get down Luke’s technique. Taking another deep breath, she softened her face as she exhaled. _Come to terms with my feelings. Come to terms with my feelings._ It took her a minute to fully relax and understand why she was feeling the way she was. It was because of Poe and Luke, and there’s nothing she could do about it. She realized that her feelings are real and that they are valid. As soon as she realized this, a whole new world opened to her. She could feel where the plants were, all three of them. She pointed to them in succession and took her blindfold off.

              Luke looked impressed, and he walked over to one of the plants and picked it up.

              “Put the blindfold back on. I want to see something,” he said.

              “Yes, master.”

              She put the blindfold back on and loosened her muscles.

              “Alright, tell me where they are.” There was something in his voice Rey couldn’t quite place, something a little darker than regular curiosity.

              She relaxed and reassessed how she was feeling. Now she was feeling confident and she was also feeling a twinge of guilt. She was letting Luke down by using his nephew’s technique instead of his. He would never approve if he knew. However, she didn’t let that get to her. She acknowledged her feelings of pride and guilt and allowed herself to feel them. She immediately could feel the radiation oozing off Luke through the Force. Turning her head, she pointed in that direction. She could almost feel Luke holding his breath. She picked up on the other plants’ signals and she pointed to both of them with both of her hands.

              “Do it again.” She didn’t argue. After a minute, he said, “Now. Do it again.”

              This time it was easier to spot where they were, and she pointed to them almost at the same time that Luke told her to. Luke was silent, but she could hear him moving, and she could _feel_ the plants moving. She could sense that he was picking them up and moving them around the room. As soon as he put one down, she pointed to it. She felt him freeze.

              “Take the blindfold off, Rey.” As she did so, she could see him moving towards the couple of chairs in the room. He sat down on it with a huff. He looked like he was thinking about something.

              “What is it, master?” She was concerned. Every time he had that look, something bad was happening.

              “Oh,” he looked up as if he didn’t notice she was there. “I was just thinking,” he said as he waved her over to sit in the other chair. “You did a lot better than Ben did when he first tried this.”

              Rey had a lump in her throat. Could he sense that she was using Kylo’s technique? She had also never heard him really talk about him before. She was going to try to get some information out of him. She was still very curious about his childhood. After the dream, it was a morbid curiosity that kept her going. Asking Poe about it helped a little, but it didn’t give her much insight.

              “He had to do this more than a few times before he got it right every time.” Luke looked to the ground. Rey wanted to break the silence that followed. She didn’t know what to say, though. Finally, she thought of something.

              “Was he a good student?” It was a lame question, but she thought it could maybe go somewhere.

              “If by ‘good student’ you mean ‘perfectionist with a tendency to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted,’ then, yes. He was a good student.” He chuckled a bit at the memory. It was genuine, and Rey’s heart hurt. They had lost so much.

              “Can you tell me more about him? As a kid, I mean.” She tried not to sound too eager or too curious. She didn’t want Luke to really know what she was trying to unearth. She didn’t even know what she wanted to unearth. Some validation of his dream, perhaps? Maybe she was just looking for a way to understand him. Luke looked her in the eyes and she could see the hurt in them. He sighed and relaxed a bit.

              “Ben was bright. He had a promising future and he was on the right track for greatness. He was good at what he could do, and what he _couldn’t_ do, he practiced until he could. He was determined and had this drive in him that I haven’t seen in anyone else. He put all his feeling into his practice. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get him to break the habit. It was too ingrained in him. It was who he was and I couldn’t see that.” He paused and stared off into the distance. It was a minute or so before he snapped out of his trance and talked again. “Sometimes I think he was just a people-pleaser. He despised failure, and I’m assuming he was especially harsh on his own failures. He didn’t want to let anyone down.” He looked at her at the last sentence.

              Something occurred to Rey. She remembered what Leia had said to Han in the dream. _You don’t like that he can use the Force…He’ll never be like you!_ A question came to her mind, and it was burning her to keep it in and not say it.

              “Do you think he even wanted to be Force-sensitive?” She had been in this situation herself, not wanting to be who she was. It took her that entire first month after Starkiller to really come to terms with what she was and what she could potentially do. She wondered if Kylo had ever felt the same. Luke searched her face as if he was looking for a contusion.

              “Well, let’s think about it. He was born to two war heroes and he is the nephew of a famous Jedi. With that kind of a connection, he was bound to be pressured into a lifestyle he didn’t want for himself.” Luke sighed. His shoulders were slightly slumped inward, and he was still looking at the ground. “He always wanted to please people: his mom, his dad, me. He always wanted the attention I could never truly give him. He always came to me when he learned something new,” Luke smiled. He actually smiled. “But I couldn’t always get away from teaching the other padawans long enough to give Ben the attention he wanted.” Just as genuinely as she smiled, he genuinely frowned. He looked dejected, run-down. But, he continued nonetheless. Rey was captivated. “Ben was a very volatile child. He was prone to random outbursts. Later in his life, when he grew up, he wasn’t like that. He was calm. Collected. He even helped me teach the other younglings. He was a good teacher.” Rey winced at that. Luke was looking away, so he didn’t notice. “But I see now that it was suppression, not progression. He wanted to fit the mold so badly, he sacrificed his own well-being to do it.”

              “Did he ever talk about Snoke? Try to tell someone about him?” Rey said it quietly. She wasn’t sure if it was the right question to ask, but she rolled with it. Maybe if she understood how Ben became Kylo, she could help him. Maybe. Luke looked at her with the most agonizing expression on his face.

              “He…” His voice wavered. He cleared his throat and then he continued. “He tried to tell me and Leia, several times. I knew there was something wrong, but I foolishly thought I could fix it. We tried everything we could think of. Leia sent him to me because he needed training, yes, but she also sent him to me because she had already tried and failed to defeat Snoke. I tried doing extensive meditation with him. I tried sending him off to sacred Jedi places, where he could channel the Light. He tried to tell me once. He looked so,” he struggled for the right word. “Broken.” He paused again. “He hid it from me. He fooled all of us.”

              “Hiding Snoke?” Her voice was still hushed. She didn’t want to spook Luke into stop talking.

              “No. Hiding his pain.” He put his hands on his knees with his elbows out, as if he was about to stand up.

              “Master Luke?” she said.

              “Rey, you really should ask Leia these questions. I’m just an old man. She was his mother.” This time, he really did stand up. “I’m going to my quarters for some meditation. You’ve certainly learned enough for the day.”

              “Yes, master.” Rey stood up as well. She would have to seriously think about what Luke had said. She didn’t get much insight into his childhood like she hoped, but what Luke said was still helpful. Maybe she would ask Leia. But she would have to build up the courage. Asking Leia about her son was not a fun idea, especially if it involved her marital status.

              She had so many questions and so little answers. One day, she would find the answers to them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, please leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed it!   
> Next chapter: Vacuum of Space


	25. Vacuum of Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like I promised, here's the next chapter!

_Kill them all._ It kept echoing in his head as he laid in his bed at night. He would have to kill the next time. His mother, his father, himself. No. It wasn’t his family. It wasn’t him. It was Ben’s family. It was different. Wasn’t it? What had stopped him? It was sentiment. He had to kill all sentiment he felt in that nightmare, or bad things would happen.

              He tossed and turned, not really trying to sleep, but trying to get comfortable. He didn’t want to sleep after the previous night lest it happen again. He couldn’t afford that. He didn’t want to see Rey. He didn’t want to have to explain to her what that was that she saw. Would she even understand? She never had a family. She was alone on Jakku. She didn’t have any relatives, and, as far as he was aware, she had had no friends on Jakku, either.

              Speaking of Rey, he was incredibly uncomfortable now about bringing her in to the First Order. However, he was even more uncomfortable that she saw him in a state like that. Thankfully, she hadn’t tried to contact him. That was for the best. Hopefully it would stay like that a while longer.

              But the Supreme Leader saw him too. He saw pure weakness. If he kept up like that, he would be punished much worse. The Supreme Leader might even try to kill Kylo. He didn’t know what would happen, he just knew that he had to stop whatever it was that was plaguing him. The Supreme Leader was right, at any rate. Rey was a distraction. She was a virus. But she was a necessary evil. He couldn’t just abandon her; the Supreme Leader would never allow it. But from now on, he had to be careful around her. He had to guard himself even more.

              After not being able to get comfortable for some time, he decided to go on a walk around the Finalizer. It was something he used to do when he first joined the First Order. He couldn’t ever sleep, so he would walk. This was yet another sleepless night, so he would walk. He put on his clothes, leaving the mask as the final step and he stepped out into the hallway.

              It’s late, probably close to 2:00 am standard time. There’s minimal staff at this hour, so he should be able to successfully avoid everyone, much to his satisfaction. He usually loved walking through corridors, watching every stormtrooper and officer jump out of his way, but right now, he wanted to be alone.

              He walks to a relatively secluded part of the ship. He’s surprised, really, that more people don’t come here because of the very large window. The area only had storage, so unless someone needed something they didn’t have already readily available, no one came here, he supposed. He stepped closer to the piece of glass that separated him from the vacuum of space and looked out through it. What he saw was breathtaking. There were stars, millions of them. Some reddish in hue, some blueish, but all capable of holding life. Life that the First Order would happily destroy if they had the opportunity.

              Kylo clenched his fists. He thought back to Starkiller when Hux has so wantonly destroyed the Hosnean System. There were billions of people on those planets. Billions who would, perhaps, be an asset to them at a future time. The Resistance posed no real threat to them before Starkiller, and they had no solid reason to destroy the New Republic except that Hux wanted to show off his new toy.

              He had never approved of the base, nor would he have ever suggested it to be used, especially on a system that posed no current threat to the First Order. It was cowardly. He had always questioned the Supreme Leader’s motives behind it; he would have thought they were on the same page, but he would never second-guess the Supreme Leader.

              He likes to think that he would have given the order to destroy the Resistance, however, but he knows even then, it would be difficult pulling the trigger. He still found the base cowardly. He preferred to fight things head-on, not from across the galaxy.

              Looking out into the abyss, he wondered, once again, where the new Resistance base was. Where Rey was. Where his _mother_ was. After killing his father had given him no relief, if he had any ideas before about killing his mom as well, they were completely gone now. He knew it wouldn’t solve anything. He almost admitted to himself that he doesn’t want her dead at all. If he were to find the Resistance base, he could take both his mom and Rey with him. He wanted them both to live.

              He thought back to his nightmare. His mom and dad were yelling, and the conversation was about him. Suddenly, he felt as if he was right back in the middle of it. He was that little kid in the corner hoping that his parents would stop so he could go to sleep. His body froze. He couldn’t move. Sweat started to collect on his skin and he closed his eyes, willing the vision to go away. He didn’t want to remember it like this. He didn’t think that a small thought of his nightmare would bring it all back,

              His breath caught in his throat and he his head started spinning. All he could hear were his parents’ voices.

              _“Leia, you can’t leave again. I don’t know how to deal with the kid.” Han said the last sentence very softly while pointing his thumb towards Ben’s bedroom door._

_“Han, he’s a child. Feed him, bathe him, make sure he brushes his teeth, and don’t give him sugar after 7:00 standard time.” Leia started to walk towards the door, her bags packed._

_“It’s not that simple!” He huffed. “What if the kid shows signs of, you know.” He looks like he doesn’t want to say it out loud, but he ends up doing it anyway. “Force capabilities.”_

_“Then you encourage him, Han, I don’t know. He’s your son. You weren’t here all last month. Make up that time with him.” She was still so young. Han could see the exhaustion on her face, but the exhaustion was etched in beautiful lines across her face._

_“Encourage him? I didn’t think this stuff was_ real _five years ago. And now, my own_ son _is one of you…” He held in whatever word he was about to say, thinking it too harsh. Instead he said, “People.”_

_“What did you expect?” Her voice was getting louder. She had temporarily forgotten that Ben might wake up if she continued at that rate. However, she didn’t know that that had already happened, and he was listening in on their conversation behind the door in the hallway._

_“I expected the kid to be like me!” Han didn’t know that, either, and he was raising his voice as well._

_“If you expected him to be like you, then you and I should never have had him! You can’t force your child into a life they weren’t meant to live. You take him on all of these rides in the Falcon – against my wishes – because it’s what you want to do but you never seem to do what he wants to do.”_

_“Maybe we shouldn’t have had him, but he’s here now, and you’re leaving him with me. I’m a scoundrel, remember?” If Ben knew better, he would have stopped listening as soon as he heard his dad say it wasn’t that simple, but he was a kid, and he didn’t know any better so he continued listening, fresh tears starting to spill over his mole-dotted face._

_“Han, figure it out!” Leia made a move to open the door when Han stopped her to ask her one last question._

_“Aren’t you even gonna say goodbye to him?” At that, she paused. It was as if she hadn’t even thought to do that. She looked back towards the hallway door leading to his room – the one Ben was hiding behind. She had this feeling like he was there now, a feeling she didn’t notice before when she was arguing with Han. Suddenly, she couldn’t stand to be in the house anymore. She didn’t want to say goodbye to her son and she didn’t want to say goodbye to her husband. She only wanted to go back to the New Republic capital and do what she did best – politics._

_Without another word, Leia opened the door and stepped outside, not even looking back at Han. He let her go and then closed the door. His hand was on the bridge of his nose as he contemplated what to do. He had wanted to get back out there and do a couple more smuggler runs before the season closed, but now he was saddled with Ben. He couldn’t just leave him, no matter how tempting it was._

Kylo’s breath was uneven and ragged, a sign that he was having another one of his attacks. He stared out into space through the window as he swayed. He fought himself to keep upright as he wondered what it would be like to float in space. Would it be like swimming? His chest hurt, but he ignored it. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to just not exist anymore. Stars are born, and then they die. Why couldn’t he control when his own death was? It was the natural order of things.

              His parents never loved him like they should have. His father showed hardly any affection and his mother was almost as bad. He had a strained childhood, filled with parents fighting and him learning how to cry without anyone hearing him. His adolescence and young adulthood was filled with rage and confusion, and his adulthood was no better. He just got better at hiding it.

              The Supreme Leader thought him weak, and he was so close to casting Kylo aside altogether. All he needed was one more mistake, one more slip-up, and he would be out. Rey had also seen him vulnerable and he didn’t want to deal with that at all. She hadn’t tried to contact him in the past day, a decision for which he was grateful. But he still had to deal with the thought of her seeing him so weak. His fists were clenched at his sides and he was gritting his teeth, willing every bone in his body to stay upright and keep the breathing down. He was fighting his tear ducts as well.

              Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to not exist anymore. He could finally find peace away from all the conflict inside of him. Snoke seemed to be on his last wit with Kylo and Rey was probably on her way out too. His mom wouldn’t take him back even if he tried. Even if she did, he would still be executed by her Resistance. He had nothing to live for except power, and he wasn’t all too sure in that moment that he really wanted that power. The only thing separating him from the blackness of space was a glass pane. He could easily cut a hole right through it with his lightsaber. It would be so easy. His death would be relatively quick and then it would be over. No more dealing with the Supreme Leader’s punishments, no more dealing with the Light and the Dark inside of him, no more dealing with the agonizing task of talking to Rey. It would be over.

              His eyes were unfocused, and his breathing was heavy. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he thought about ending it.

              All at once, his chest untightened itself and he was jolted back into his body. He realized what he had just been thinking and he was sickened by his weaknesses. With absolute horror he realized that his lightsaber was lit at his side, ready to be plunged into the window. He deactivated it and placed it on his belt. It was like a great burden lifted off his shoulders. His head was still spinning, however, and he had to press both of his hands to the glass in order to stand upright. His breathing was still erratic as he closed his eyes and tried to calm down. He tasted salt from his sweat and the tear that rolled down his face.

              “Kylo?” The voice was panicked. He inwardly groaned. He didn’t want this. “Kylo, what’s going on?” He didn’t answer in favor of regulating his breath and heartbeat. She, however, was not about to take the hint. “Kylo!”

              “What?” He nearly growled. If he was talking out loud, he would have hissed it through his teeth.

              “I just,” she paused.

              “Spit it out. I haven’t got all night.” He just wanted some quiet. He didn’t want to be situationally suicidal and he wasn’t ready yet to talk to Rey again. He would have to at some point, he just didn’t want to do it now.

              “I was sitting on my bed when I got a vision of your parents fighting again.” He wondered if she could feel how hard his heart was beating too. He made a note to himself to ask at some point.

              “Forget what you saw.” He was breathing normally now, and his heart had slowed down. He was able to take his hands off the glass, but he was exhausted. He wanted to lay down again.

              “But I want to talk about--”

              “There’s nothing to talk about.” He said it as firm and as nonchalantly as he could possibly handle. He puts up his best defenses and takes one more look out the window before walking back to his room. The fact that she wasn’t talking anymore meant that she either got the hint or that his defense system was working as it should.

              He got back to his room and laid down after taking his heavy clothes off. He didn’t want to think about what just transpired. The only thing he thought about as he drifted to sleep was Snoke saying, “I warned you about the girl.” He had, indeed, warned him, but did he listen? The proper question was would he ever listen? The answer was probably no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! Next chapter will be a little bit short, but chapter 27 is another very important chapter, so it'll be worth it.  
> Next chapter: Rey Asks Finn


	26. Rey Asks Finn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time since I've given you guys a chapter! But, here it is, at long last. Enjoy!

Rey never had a family of her own. Well, she did, at one point. But she didn’t remember them. She saw their ship in her Force vision on Takodana, but she had no recollection of what they looked like or even their names. Sometimes she wondered if the people who dropped her off on Jakku were actually her parents or just a middle man in the situation. All she knows is that she heard someone say they’d be back for her. She had held onto that hope for more than a decade, and, still, no one came. Thanks to Maz she realized for herself that no one was coming back for her, and it was easier to deal with knowing she wouldn’t have to go back to Jakku. All she had on that desert planet was hope, and now that she had none regarding whoever dropped her off, it would have been hell getting back there.

              Since she never knew a true family unit to observe as a kid, she had no idea how the dynamic was really supposed to work. Her talk with Poe had helped; according to him, what happened to Kylo was not normal, or it wasn’t supposed to be normal. She needed another opinion, though, and the only person she had to talk to about it was Finn. She knew he didn’t have parents, either, but maybe he had some sort of insight that she couldn’t guess about.

              She went around the base searching for him. She had just started her Force training, so she was still new to sensing people. She still got startled when someone suddenly came around the corner in front of her. She finally bumped into Finn in the cantina: the last place she looked. She figured she should have tried here first, but it was too late now. She was just happy she found him.

              “Finn!” She jogged over to him. He lifted his hand in a wave and smiled. She was relieved that he was happy to see her. She hadn’t seen him since Poe told her they were worried about her, and she was worried that Finn would act cautious around her, or at least a little differently than normal. She was happy that wasn’t the case.

              “Rey!” He put down his fork and got up to give her a hug. “How’re things going?” Rey took her seat before she answered.

              “Things are going pretty well.” She nodded her head and smiled. It was nice to talk to her best friend again.

              “How’s training coming? Rumor has it Luke has you working with plants?” There was a look of amusement on his face.

              “Training is going really well, thanks for asking. And yeah, I’m working with plants.” She stopped talking and he stared at her for a second and nodded his head to goad her on. “I’m using the plants to sense organics through the Force. It’s a pain, but it’s necessary.”

              “That’s so cool! So you can sense them through the Force? What’s that even like?” He looked like a little kid being told a story by his grandparents.

              Grandparents. She never had those, either.

              “It’s like seeing with your eyes closed, I guess. Things are fuzzy a little bit. It’s like when you open your eyes after rubbing them.” That’s the best way she could describe it. It wasn’t an easy thing to elaborate on, so she hoped he didn’t ask any more. He looked like he was thinking about it, trying to figure out if he can imagine what that feels like. Rey knew he couldn’t possibly understand, but it was sweet that he tried anyway. There was an opportunity for her to start talking about him instead of the focus being on her and she took it. “What about you?

              “How am I doing?”

              “Yeah! How are things going, around the base?” Now it was her turn to look like she was being told a story.

              “Well, I’ve got a new mission. It’s covert, so I can’t really talk to anyone about it, but we leave in a couple of days and I’ll be gone about a standard week if everything goes right.” He looked so casual about it.

              “That’s great, Finn! That’s really great!” She nodded her head in approval.

              “Yeah, it’s nothing special. They just needed a team, and I volunteered.” He was still trying to be as nonchalant about it as possible, but she could tell he was excited about it.

              “No, that’s still really great. I’m glad you’re going to do that!” He looked at her and half-smiled, then looked around the room briefly, realizing he had nothing left to talk about.

              Rey took this as her opportunity.

              “You never had a family.” It was said as a statement, but Finn took it as a question.

              “No. Like I’ve said, we were all taken from our families as babies. None of us knew who our parents were, and it wasn’t kept on record, so even if someone hacked the mainframe, we’d never know.” It was his day to act casually, Rey guessed. He acted like it was no big deal even though she knew it was very much a big deal to him. “Why do you ask?” Before she could answer, he put his hand on her shoulder urgently, and he had a seriousness in his eyes. “Is this about your parents?”

              “I asked Poe about it and-”

              “Rey, I’m so sorry about your parents.” He was being as serious as he possibly could. He knew that it was a sore spot for Rey, and that it was something to be handled with care.

              “I was trying to figure out what’s normal. For a family, I mean. I met someone, and they had parents that argued a lot and they were left at home a lot, when they were young. I was wondering if that was normal. I know you didn’t have a family, but-”

              “No, that’s definitely not normal. At the very least, it’s not healthy. Don’t ever think that someone leaving you in your hour of need is a sign of a healthy relationship.” He was looking into both of her eyes, as if to make sure she fully understood what he was saying.

              She greatly appreciated what he was saying, but she suddenly realized who he sounded like. _Don’t blame me when he isn’t there for you when you need him,_ is what he had said to her. Kylo’s words echoed in her head. She tried to smile at Finn to make sure he didn’t think something was wrong, but she found it more difficult than it had been earlier.

              “Alright, Finn.”

              “Besides, if being here has taught me anything, it’s that family can be anyone, not just those who are related to you. You’re a part of my family now, Rey.” Although she was finding it difficult to be in a happy mood after being reminded of what Kylo had said to her, Finn was finding it very easy. He gave her a genuine smile.

              “Thanks, Finn. I like the sound of that.” Thinking about Finn being her family gave her the boost she needed. Giving him a smile of her own, she rose from the table and gave him a hug. “I have to go, now. It’s late.”

              “Alright. If I don’t see you before I leave, stay safe.” There was that seriousness again. She might never get used to it.

              “I make no promises.” Their hands were on each other’s shoulders. Finn gave hers a quick squeeze and then he went back to eating.

Rey went back to her room to lay down. The things Kylo told her about Finn wouldn’t stop swirling around in her mind. For that matter, Kylo himself was on her mind even more so. When would she be able to talk to him about what happened the other night? And what happened this morning? Would he ever talk to her about it?

              She knew now for certain that what he experienced as a child wasn’t normal. He should never have gone through that. Even though she loved the General, and she had loved Han, as well, she had to admit that anyone can have a major flaw.

              She would have to talk to him at some point, but, right now, she needed to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Stick around for the next one, it'll be an interesting one, I promise. ;)  
> Next Chapter: Kylo Needs Help

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Any and all comments are appreciated, even if it's just critique and not praise. I want to become a better writer, so any and all help is encouraged. Again, I'm a new writer, and this has been a really eye-opening process for me, but I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to have further chapters awaiting you soon!
> 
> **EDIT ONE YEAR LATER (7/1/2018): The Last Jedi has come out, and I realize this isn't the best representation of Kylo and all his complex emotions. I stopped writing this fic before TLJ came out, and I'm planning on picking it back up. I was a novice writer when I started this, and I realize the beginning isn't as strong as it could be, but after 28 chapters, it would be a little tedious for me to go back and rewrite all of it (though, I still might do that at some point). If you enjoy the premise of this at all, sans writing, please give another few chapters a chance. I'm still improving. Comments help me write faster and work harder, so please drop me one, even if it's just to say "I liked this". I hope I can crank out some more chapters soon. Thank you for reading.


End file.
